joke time

[Private]

Two factory workers are talking The woman says, ‘I can make the boss give me the day off.” The man replies, ‘And how would you do that?”
The woman says, ‘Just wait and see.’ She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, ‘What are you doing?”
The woman replies, ‘I’m a light bulb.’
The boss then says, ‘You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, ‘Where are you going?” The man says, ‘I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.’

[The Valkyrie]

Jesus at the last supper.

Breaks bread, "This is my body."

Pours wine "This is my blood."

Opens bottle of mayonaise "This is my-"

Judas "FFS Jesus!"

[ignoramus]

^

[The Valkyrie]

^

I clicked on the wrong option and you nearly got a warning.

Bwa-ha-haaaa!

[ignoramus]

A warning in a joke thread? That's even funnier!

I mean, you can always give a warning to Brian for substandard quality! lol

[Little lunch]

Jesus at the last supper.

Breaks bread, "This is my body."

Pours wine "This is my blood."

Opens bottle of mayonaise "This is my-"

Judas "FFS Jesus!"

Pulls out Fondue Machine and Mountain Dew. :-)

[onlinebiker]

What's Irish and sits out in the rain?

---

Paddy O'furniture

---

[Darinda]

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
“Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,” he cackled. “I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
“Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”

[The Valkyrie]

A lonely man sits alone in an empty room. It is light outside and traffic can be heard.

An hour later the lonely man still sits in an empty room. Twilight has fallen and the traffic sounds are lessening.

Two hours later the lonely man still sits alone in the empty room. It is dark outside and the traffic noises have diminished to almost nothing. The lonely man turns on the light.

Four hours later the lonely man still sits alone in the empty room. The only sounds from outside come from crickets. The lonely man looks at his watch.

"Perhaps I should have told someone about Fight Club" says the lonely man.

[ignoramus]

In response to the invitation for a rather unusual reunion of all time greats.......

\* Newton said he'd drop in.
\* Socrates said he'd think about it.
\* Ohm resisted the idea.
\* Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
\* Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
\* Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
\* Volta was electrified at the prospect.
\* Pavlov positively drooled at the thought.
\* Ampere was worried he wasn't current enough though alternately none were.
\* Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
\* Edison thought it would be illuminating.
\* Einstein said it would be relatively easy to attend.
\* Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
\* Dr Jekyll declined - he said he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
\* Morse said, "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
\* Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetism.
\* Hertz said he planned to attend with greater frequency in the future.
\* Watt thought it would be a good way to let off steam.
\* Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
\* And Dr. Sigmund Freud couldn't help but give it the slip!

---

Darwin won these awards. He won The Royal Medal (1853), The Wallaston Medal (1859), The Copley Medal (1864).
Some of his Christian rivals insist he was naturally selected to win these.