Posts: 11278
Threads: 29
Joined: December 8, 2019
Reputation:
14
RE: joke time
March 6, 2021 at 7:15 am
I just burned 81,500 calories
Poor Johnny!
"Change was inevitable"
Nemo sicut deus debet esse!
![[Image: Canada_Flag.jpg?v=1646203843]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=cdn.shopify.com%2Fs%2Ffiles%2F1%2F0630%2F5310%2F3332%2Fproducts%2FCanada_Flag.jpg%3Fv%3D1646203843)
“No matter what men think, abortion is a fact of life. Women have always had them; they always have and they always will. Are they going to have good ones or bad ones? Will the good ones be reserved for the rich, while the poor women go to quacks?”
–SHIRLEY CHISHOLM
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 6, 2021 at 7:44 am
(March 6, 2021 at 7:15 am)SUNGULA Wrote: I just burned 81,500 calories
Poor Johnny!
My missus, seeing me about to dig into a massive ice cream sundae: 'I thought you said you were going to start counting calories!'
Me: 'I am. When I finish this, I'll have 6,894 for today.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 11278
Threads: 29
Joined: December 8, 2019
Reputation:
14
RE: joke time
March 6, 2021 at 8:01 am
(March 6, 2021 at 7:44 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: (March 6, 2021 at 7:15 am)SUNGULA Wrote: I just burned 81,500 calories
Poor Johnny!
My missus, seeing me about to dig into a massive ice cream sundae: 'I thought you said you were going to start counting calories!'
Me: 'I am. When I finish this, I'll have 6,894 for today.'
Boru 
"Change was inevitable"
Nemo sicut deus debet esse!
“No matter what men think, abortion is a fact of life. Women have always had them; they always have and they always will. Are they going to have good ones or bad ones? Will the good ones be reserved for the rich, while the poor women go to quacks?”
–SHIRLEY CHISHOLM
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 6, 2021 at 8:13 am
A married Irishman goes to confession and tells the priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
'What do you mean "almost"?', asks the priest.
'Well, we both got undress, we were on the bed, I was rubbing myself against her lady bits. Then, at the last possible moment, my conscience got to me and I stopped, got dressed and went home.'
'Sorry, my son, but in the eyes of the Lord, rubbing up against it is the same as putting it in. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put £50 in the poor box.'
The man leaves the confessional, goes to a pew and says his prayers. On his way out of the church, he pauses in front of the poor box for a few seconds and starts to leave.
'Hold on!', shouts the priest. 'I saw that - you didn't put any money in the poor box!'
'True,' says the man. 'But I rubbed the £50 against the outside of the box, which - according to you - is the same as putting it in.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 7, 2021 at 1:14 pm
Richard was absolutely delighted when he came home to find that all of his lamps had been stolen.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 9538
Threads: 410
Joined: October 3, 2018
Reputation:
17
RE: joke time
March 7, 2021 at 7:39 pm
(March 7, 2021 at 1:14 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Richard was absolutely delighted when he came home to find that all of his lamps had been stolen.
Boru
[rimshot]
OK Dad.....
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 7, 2021 at 8:27 pm
(March 7, 2021 at 7:39 pm)onlinebiker Wrote: (March 7, 2021 at 1:14 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Richard was absolutely delighted when he came home to find that all of his lamps had been stolen.
Boru
[rimshot]
OK Dad.....
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 8, 2021 at 7:36 pm
(This post was last modified: March 8, 2021 at 7:40 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
Operator: 'What is the nature of your emergency?'
Caller (frantic): 'I need an ambulance! My friend was just run down by a bus!!'
Operator: 'What is the location?'
Caller: 'Please hurry! We're at 2255 Eucalyptus Boulevard!'
Operator: 'Can you spell that for me?'
Caller:
Operator: 'Sir?'
Caller: 'I'm going to drag him over to Pine Street and ring you right back.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 10, 2021 at 6:26 am
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killed it. Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. Turns out he's a web designer.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
March 11, 2021 at 6:54 pm
(This post was last modified: March 11, 2021 at 8:21 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
A man is walking home late one night when a woman steps out of a dark alley and husks, ‘Up for it, sport? Just 20 quid.’
He agrees and while they’re going at it in the alley, a policeman shines his torch on the proceedings and says, ‘What’s going on here?’
Indignantly, the man says, ‘I’ll have you know, constable, that I happen to be making love to my wife!’
‘Oh, sorry sir...I didn’t realize.’
‘Truth be told, neither did I until you shined that light in her face.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
|
