joke time

[Darinda]

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her…
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: “You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you?” And then she switched on the light…
“No madam,” said the gardener.

[The Valkyrie]

Iggy's drinking in a pub with a mate.

"My wife left me for my best mate, Mike!"

"Since when is Mike your best mate?"

"Since yesterday!"

[ignoramus]

It's our 30th wedding anniversary this Wednesday!
30 whole long bloody years!

Beccs, would you have Mike's number handy by any chance

[The Valkyrie]

It's our 30th wedding anniversary this Wednesday!
30 whole long bloody years!

Beccs, would you have Mike's number handy by any chance

Congratulations!

0900MIKES4YOU

[arewethereyet]

It's our 30th wedding anniversary this Wednesday!
30 whole long bloody years!

Beccs, would you have Mike's number handy by any chance

Congrats!  Husband and I have managed not to kill one another yet after 29 years...hmmm...his name is Mike, I really do have his number...in more ways than one.

[A. Secular Human]

It's our 30th wedding anniversary this Wednesday!
30 whole long bloody years!

Beccs, would you have Mike's number handy by any chance

Congrats!  Husband and I have managed not to kill one another yet after 29 years...hmmm...his name is Mike, I really do have his number...in more ways than one.

41 years in August for the wife and I.  We had a really big celebration for our 40th last year.  For gifts, we DIDN'T give each other COVID-19.

[vulcanlogician]

41 years in August for the wife and I.  We had a really big celebration for our 40th last year.  For gifts, we DIDN'T give each other COVID-19.

There are MUCH better things you could give her for you guy's 40th.

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[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I sleep much better when I'm naked. Why can't flight attendants understand this?

Boru

[Darinda]

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’!”

[The Valkyrie]

So, when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.

But when I do it, I'm "drunk" and, "no longer welcome in the aquarium".