joke time

[The Valkyrie]

If short people smoke dope, do they get high, or do they get medium?

[The Valkyrie]

"I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present!"

"But you are the lawyer."

"Then where's my present?"

[Darinda]

"Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?” A voice on the other end answer: “No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
After a brief pause daddy says “but honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do, and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now.”
Brief pause “Oh okay then, this is what I want you to do: “Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy’s car has just arrived at the gate.”
"Ok daddy just a minute.”
A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, “Done it daddy.” "What happened honey?”
“Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of the bed naked, ran round the room screaming, tripped over, and knocked her head on the staircase, now she is not moving at all.”
“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad.
”He jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn’t know you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he is dead.”
Really long pause this time…
Daddy says, “Swimming pool, holy shit, but we don’t have a swimming pool?
Is this 486-5731?”
“No, this is 486-5713.”
"Sorry, wrong number!”

[The Valkyrie]

I've recently started saying "mucho" to my latino friends.

It means a lot to them.

[Jackie]

I've recently started saying "mucho" to my latino friends.

It means a lot to them.

Mi Madre va a comer mi gato.

No mi gusto frijoles en mi Zapatos.

[The Valkyrie]

When I was in Europe I went to a XXX show in Rome.

It was just 30 people sitting on stage.

[awty]

I've recently started saying "mucho" to my latino friends.

It means a lot to them.

Mi Madre va a comer mi gato.

No mi gusto frijoles en mi Zapatos.

You don't like beans in your shoes?

Good to know.

[A. Secular Human]

Mi Madre va a comer mi gato.

No mi gusto frijoles en mi Zapatos.

You don't like beans in your shoes?

Good to know.

...and something about Mom eating the cat?

Perhaps she could eat the beans instead.  Solve both "problemos".

[awty]

You don't like beans in your shoes?

Good to know.

...and something about Mom eating the cat?

Perhaps she could eat the beans instead.  Solve both "problemos".

It's amazing to be unable to speak in more than one language.

[ignoramus]

I've always lived by the philosophy that it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.