joke time

[Darinda]

I’m considering removing my dog’s tail.
My mother in law comes next weekend and I intend to get rid of anything that would give her the impression that she is welcome.

[The Valkyrie]

I f you have any empathy at all, think kindly on the cops in Alabama.

It's impossible to solve a crime, because the DNA is all identical and there are no dental records.

[Darinda]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT: “What starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer said: “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said: “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sat up straight and said: “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied: “Yeah, but you started it.”

[vulcanlogician]

A good name for a clone brothel would be 'Go Fuck Yourself'.

Boru

Wait a minute. Are clone brothels a thing? (Asking for a friend.)

[ignoramus]

^ I think they specialize in 2 for 1 deals with twins

[polymath257]

A good name for a clone brothel would be 'Go Fuck Yourself'.

Boru

Wait a minute. Are clone brothels a thing? (Asking for a friend.)

(to the tune of Home on the Range)

Oh, give me a clone,
A clone of my own!
With the Y chromosome changed to X
And when we're alone,
That clone of my own
Will think about nothing but sex!

[Disagreeable]

What did the man with the two foot high cock have for breakfast?

Well, this morning I had a boiled egg.

---

All credit for this one goes to the Rik Mayall. R.I.P., Rik.

---

[Darinda]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

[A. Secular Human]

^ I think they specialize in 2 for 1 deals with twins

Does this mean a threesome is really a "onesome"?

[ignoramus]

^ I think they specialize in 2 for 1 deals with twins

Does this mean a threesome is really a "onesome"?

Technically yes, but some women get all funny about it when you do their twin sister(s).