Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 11, 2022 at 7:49 pm
A teacher says to her class one morning, "Today we're going to use the word contagious in a sentence. Who wants to go first?"
Jenny in the front row stand up and says, "My father said the new strain of 'flu is very contagious."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. "Next?"
Sally in the second row stands up and says, "I've heard that chicken pox is very contagious."
"Well done, Sally. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny in the back stands up and says, "Last week my dad and me went for a walk and we saw a little old man painting a really big house with a small paintbrush."
"And?" asked the teacher.
"And my dad said, 'that will take the old contagious!'"
Posts: 33163
Threads: 1413
Joined: March 15, 2013
Reputation:
152
RE: joke time
September 11, 2022 at 8:58 pm
(September 11, 2022 at 7:49 pm)Darinda Wrote: A teacher says to her class one morning, "Today we're going to use the word contagious in a sentence. Who wants to go first?"
Jenny in the front row stand up and says, "My father said the new strain of 'flu is very contagious."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. "Next?"
Sally in the second row stands up and says, "I've heard that chicken pox is very contagious."
"Well done, Sally. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny in the back stands up and says, "Last week my dad and me went for a walk and we saw a little old man painting a really big house with a small paintbrush."
"And?" asked the teacher.
"And my dad said, 'that will take the old contagious!'"
Took me more than a moment to get it.
"Never trust a fox. Looks like a dog, behaves like a cat."
~ Erin Hunter
Posts: 17120
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
September 14, 2022 at 12:50 am
My wife and I are both unemployed. My mum died in a car crash. We have three children and we're all staying in my grandma's place, and my grandma died this week. My dad has to work at 73. I'll do any job to take care of my family.
Sincerely,
William, Prince of Wales
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 14, 2022 at 12:05 pm
Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say: “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Michael’s wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while having breakfast, they hear the radio announcer saying again : “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through.” So, Michael’s wife goes out and moves her car as requested.
The next week they were having breakfast again, when the radio announcer said: “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park……”, but then the electric power went out.
Michael’s wife got very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she asked: “Honey, what am I going to do? Which side of the street should I park now, so the plow can get through?”
With understanding in his voice, Michael said: “Why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time.”
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 18, 2022 at 4:44 pm
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian asked me to take it out.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
September 18, 2022 at 8:51 pm
I went to get a Tarot reading today.
The gypsy chick looked confused.
"I didn't know there was a Dumpster Fire card in a Tarot deck! But FOUR??"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 9538
Threads: 410
Joined: October 3, 2018
Reputation:
17
RE: joke time
September 19, 2022 at 5:27 am
If you want to go to a really good psychic - make an appointment to see them and show up.
If they say you need to call to make an appointment, find another psychic.
Posts: 35310
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
September 19, 2022 at 5:29 am
(September 11, 2022 at 7:49 pm)Darinda Wrote: A teacher says to her class one morning, "Today we're going to use the word contagious in a sentence. Who wants to go first?"
Jenny in the front row stand up and says, "My father said the new strain of 'flu is very contagious."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher. "Next?"
Sally in the second row stands up and says, "I've heard that chicken pox is very contagious."
"Well done, Sally. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny in the back stands up and says, "Last week my dad and me went for a walk and we saw a little old man painting a really big house with a small paintbrush."
"And?" asked the teacher.
"And my dad said, 'that will take the old contagious!'"
This joke is stolen!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 19, 2022 at 3:34 pm
Sisyphus: ‘Whiskey.’
Bartender: ‘On the rocks?’
Sisyphus: ‘Mate, it’s been a long day and I am NOT in the mood.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46311
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 21, 2022 at 1:23 pm
Due to ongoing sanctions, Russia is attempting a large-scale switch from Windows to Linux. There appears to be a significant problem, though - no one can figure out how to throw a political opponent out of a fourth-floor Linux.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
|
