joke time

[A. Secular Human]

Certainly not if your ever-evolving avatar was dishing it out...

I like the changes...there are a lot of pics of Harley Quinn (a la Margo Robbie) to choose from.

I say...keep them coming!

[The Valkyrie]

Roger, an Englishman, is driving a van full of monkeys to the zoo when his van breaks down on the side of the road


As the narrative would have it, he waves down another van and it's driven by his friend Paddy.

"Paddy. I've called the AA but they can't get here for a couple of hours. I'll give you 50 quid to take these monkeys to the zoo."

"No problem," replies Paddy, and he loads the monkeys into his van and drives off.

A couple of hours pass, and the AA arrives and gets Roger's van going again. Just as he's about to get under way, he sees Paddy's van coming up the road and waves him down.

It's then that he sees the monkeys are still in Paddy's van.

"For fuck's sake, Paddy. I gave you fifty pounds to take the monkeys to the zoo!"

"I did," replies Paddy, "but I had a few quid left over and decided to take them to the movies, too!"

[Fake Messiah]

A rich man, after 50 years of marriage, looks at his wife and says:

"50 years ago, we had a small house and an old car. We slept on the couch and watched a small black-and-white TV, but every night I went to bed with a beautiful 19-year-old girl.

Now I have a huge expensive house, many expensive cars, a huge bed in a luxurious bedroom, and a wide-screen color TV, but I share a bed with a 69-year-old woman. I'm starting to doubt my marriage."

His wife suggested, "You can find yourself a 19-year-old girl, and I will make sure that you live again in a small house, sleep on a sagging sofa, and watch black-and-white TV."

[Darinda]

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.”
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, “Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.”
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them.
When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, “That’s the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!”

[Darinda]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the Doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The Doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and seems a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
“Breast-fed,” she replied.
“Strip down to your waist,” the Doctor said. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning her to get dressed, he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight, you don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”

[purplepurpose]

See an arab streamers on twitch. Ask a provacotive question like: Is gaming a sin in islam? Get instant ban(banned on 3 channels already) because I poison what little happiness they have with all that Islamic nightmare they live in. Trolling feels good.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Stamp collection is the most pointless hobby, because philately will get you nowhere.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Her: Happily telling her boyfriend she's pregnant.

Him: Feeling sad for the kid because he knows what it's like to grow up without a dad.

[The Valkyrie]

There are some real bastards here in NZ.

I left two concert tickets to Oasis on the dashboard of my car.

Some prick smashed my side window and left two more tickets!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

So many cats, so few recipes.

Boru