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RE: joke time
May 13, 2023 at 5:00 am
(May 12, 2023 at 1:16 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: The term "Domestic Housewife" implies that, somewhere, there are feral housewives.
Got one.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
May 13, 2023 at 5:14 am
Old Seamus is on his deathbed. Kneeling by the bedside is Mary, his wife of 40 years. Around the bed stand his four sons - three of the biggest, brawest men you've ever seen, and one wee, pale, puny little nothing of a man.
'Mary...Mary, me darlin girl,' wheezes the old man, 'tell me true. That skinny, weedy runt at the foot of the bed - his he truly me own son?'
Through her tears, Mary says, 'My love, I swear by all the saints and martyrs, he is. He is your son.'
Seamus gives his final gasp and expires. Mary rolls her eyes heavenward and says, 'Thank God he didn't ask about the other three.'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
May 14, 2023 at 3:11 am
I was at the beach some time ago and I heard a guy in the water shouting, "Help me. Shark! Help me!!"
And I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!
Dying to live, living to die.
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RE: joke time
May 16, 2023 at 1:13 pm
Wife: What are your plans for Easter?
Husband: Same as Jesus…
Wife: What do you mean?
Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!
On hearing that the wife retorts, “AWESOME, you do that, I’ll do a Mary and show up pregnant untouched by my husband.”
The man stayed home.
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RE: joke time
May 16, 2023 at 2:45 pm
Every girl wants to be swept off her feet.
It's when they see the open boot (trunk) of the car that they start to panic.
Dying to live, living to die.
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RE: joke time
May 16, 2023 at 5:52 pm
(May 16, 2023 at 2:45 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Every girl wants to be swept off her feet.
It's when they see the open boot (trunk) of the car that they start to panic.
Thank you for the English-"English" translation.
(Guess which one is in quotes.)
Disappointing theists since 1968!
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RE: joke time
May 21, 2023 at 6:15 pm
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor and asks for a complete physical. The doctor draws blood, takes a urine sample, checks the man's heart, O2 levels, blood pressure - the works. The man asks if anything was left undone.
The doctor answers, 'We, we could do a sperm count, but at your age...' The man interrupts and says, 'Doctor, when I said a complete physical, that's exactly what I meant!' So, the doctor hands him a glass jar, tells him to go home and bring back a semen sample the next day.
When the man returns, the jar is clean and empty. The doctor asks why, and the man says, 'Well, first I tried with my right hand. No luck. Then I tried with my left hand - still nothing. My wife tried with her right hand, then her left, nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out - still nothing. So we called the woman next door. She came over and tried with both hands, then her armpit, then the back of her knee. You see the results.'
'Wait,' says the doctor. 'You asked your neighbour??'
'Yup. And none of us could get this damned jar open!'
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
May 23, 2023 at 4:40 pm
I’ve decided to get myself a pet termite and I’m going to name him Clint. Clint Eatswood.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
May 23, 2023 at 5:23 pm
(May 23, 2023 at 4:40 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I’ve decided to get myself a pet termite and I’m going to name him Clint. Clint Eatswood.
Boru
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RE: joke time
May 23, 2023 at 7:07 pm
^That’s just mean, that is.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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