Posts: 3395
Threads: 43
Joined: February 8, 2015
Reputation:
33
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 12:39 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 1:55 am)Alex K Wrote: We've had the discussion before with friends. Why not go further and make the results of the endeavour a subject of conversation as well - consistency, ease of expulsion, amount. It sure is more important to one's well being than other trivialities that are talked about constantly...
Why just talk about it when you can invite your friends into your bathroom with you? If you get a glass toilet and put mirrors on the floor, then they can get a good view of the action while it takes place. Since you probably can't always demonstrate this whenever people happen to visit you (not everyone has as many bowel movements as Catholic_Lady's husband), you can take pictures and videos of your performance to show to them. That can come in really handy at your next dinner party, so while you are all eating, you can tell them that you had the same dinner last week and show them pictures of what it looked like coming out of you.
And while you are showing your friends, family, and neighbors natural parts of your life, you can also invite them in to watch when you start trying for your next child. You can even pass out questionnaires asking them to critique your performance, so that you can make improvements. Or you can just talk with them about it. I can readily imagine such a conversation, in which someone says something like, "If your wife would move her leg like that, and if you would move your arm like this, and ... you know, it would be easier if I just showed you what I mean."
I hope you had the foresight to get good pictures and video of the afterbirth coming out of your wife, as that would really add something to your next cocktail party to show everyone!
Also, if you ever get any really bad puss-filled sores on your body, you will want to make sure you get good pictures and videos of squeezing out some of the puss. You can put the pictures on your dining room walls, enlarged and in full color, so people can see all of the details. Of course, if you don't have such sores of your own, you can get pictures of your friends and neighbors, or just download some from the internet for decorating your dining room walls. Naturally, you will want to serve food with the right look, consistency, smell, and taste, to enhance the experience.
Everyone can then enjoy all of these natural body processes together.
Alex, when you try these things, please post about how your friends, family, and neighbors react to this. We would like to know if Germans are openminded or are uptight about natural body processes.
To give you the idea of how to do this, take a look at a video of me on my glass toilet:
Watch a video of me having sex with my wife. If you can take your eyes off of my mesmerizing technique, notice a couple of the neighbors in the background watching. At the end, everyone cheered! (Of course, I am not going to post the video of the time we used too much baby oil and I slipped off of my wife and fell on the floor. I don't do blooper reels.):
Next up is a video of my neighbor squeezing some of the puss out of one of his sores (sorry, I have never had any such photogenic sores on my body, so we have to make do with my neighbor's sores instead of me):
Again, I look forward to hearing about your experiences in these matters!
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
Posts: 15452
Threads: 147
Joined: June 15, 2015
Reputation:
88
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 12:46 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 12:39 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: (August 6, 2015 at 1:55 am)Alex K Wrote: We've had the discussion before with friends. Why not go further and make the results of the endeavour a subject of conversation as well - consistency, ease of expulsion, amount. It sure is more important to one's well being than other trivialities that are talked about constantly...
Why just talk about it when you can invite your friends into your bathroom with you? If you get a glass toilet and put mirrors on the floor, then they can get a good view of the action while it takes place. Since you probably can't always demonstrate this whenever people happen to visit you (not everyone has as many bowel movements as Catholic_Lady's husband), you can take pictures and videos of your performance to show to them. That can come in really handy at your next dinner party, so while you are all eating, you can tell them that you had the same dinner last week and show them pictures of what it looked like coming out of you.
And while you are showing your friends, family, and neighbors natural parts of your life, you can also invite them in to watch when you start trying for your next child. You can even pass out questionnaires asking them to critique your performance, so that you can make improvements. Or you can just talk with them about it. I can readily imagine such a conversation, in which someone says something like, "If your wife would move her leg like that, and if you would move your arm like this, and ... you know, it would be easier if I just showed you what I mean."
I hope you had the foresight to get good pictures and video of the afterbirth coming out of your wife, as that would really add something to your next cocktail party to show everyone!
Also, if you ever get any really bad puss-filled sores on your body, you will want to make sure you get good pictures and videos of squeezing out some of the puss. You can put the pictures on your dining room walls, enlarged and in full color, so people can see all of the details. Of course, if you don't have such sores of your own, you can get pictures of your friends and neighbors, or just download some from the internet for decorating your dining room walls. Naturally, you will want to serve food with the right look, consistency, smell, and taste, to enhance the experience.
Everyone can then enjoy all of these natural body processes together.
Alex, when you try these things, please post about how your friends, family, and neighbors react to this. We would like to know if Germans are openminded or are uptight about natural body processes.
To give you the idea of how to do this, take a look at a video of me on my glass toilet:
Watch a video of me having sex with my wife. If you can take your eyes off of my mesmerizing technique, notice a couple of the neighbors in the background watching. At the end, everyone cheered! (Of course, I am not going to post the video of the time we used too much baby oil and I slipped off of my wife and fell on the floor. I don't do blooper reels.):
Next up is a video of my neighbor squeezing some of the puss out of one of his sores (sorry, I have never had any such photogenic sores on my body, so we have to make do with my neighbor's sores instead of me):
Again, I look forward to hearing about your experiences in these matters!
Lol, what?
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
-walsh
Posts: 30129
Threads: 304
Joined: April 18, 2014
Reputation:
92
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 1:11 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 11:49 am)Parkers Tan Wrote: (August 6, 2015 at 10:19 am)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Let me describe my poop to you, as it is something I am very proud of.
I actually have very good poop. They normally come out in one healthy, large log. Kind of a milk chocolate color. I also have the incredible gift of being in and out of the bathroom in a matter of seconds. I don't understand everyone else's need to sit on the toilet and "wait" for the poop. When I feel the poop is coming, I sit on the toilet, and it comes out immediately. I guess not everyone can be so blessed.
Oh, and they ALWAYS float. It's like one large floating log in the toilet.
I have guitar magazines on the toilet tank, because I think a healthy shit should be enjoyed at leisure. I don't see the need to rush anything.
My shits vary depending on what I eat. Over the last five years, I've taken to eating less beef, more chicken, and much more fresh, uncooked vegetables. When I eat beef, my crap is pretty solid; but if I've had a Greek salad for dinner (hush, Vorlon, I know what you're thinkin'!) then my shit is looser.
Either way, I will take the extra time on the pot to ensure that my crap is fully liberated.
I've got your Greek salad right here.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
Posts: 15452
Threads: 147
Joined: June 15, 2015
Reputation:
88
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 1:13 pm
Who was the lame-o who voted A??
Reveal thy self!!!!
"Of course, everyone will claim they respect someone who tries to speak the truth, but in reality, this is a rare quality. Most respect those who speak truths they agree with, and their respect for the speaking only extends as far as their realm of personal agreement. It is less common, almost to the point of becoming a saintly virtue, that someone truly respects and loves the truth seeker, even when their conclusions differ wildly."
-walsh
Posts: 23013
Threads: 26
Joined: February 2, 2010
Reputation:
106
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 1:45 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 12:29 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: (August 6, 2015 at 11:49 am)Parkers Tan Wrote: I have guitar magazines on the toilet tank, because I think a healthy shit should be enjoyed at leisure. I don't see the need to rush anything.
My shits vary depending on what I eat. Over the last five years, I've taken to eating less beef, more chicken, and much more fresh, uncooked vegetables. When I eat beef, my crap is pretty solid; but if I've had a Greek salad for dinner (hush, Vorlon, I know what you're thinkin'!) then my shit is looser.
Either way, I will take the extra time on the pot to ensure that my crap is fully liberated.
Never understood the appeal of sitting on a cold, hard, ceramic seat with a hole on it filled with water and poop....
I get in, push, and get out. I'd much rather sit on a soft clean couch.
The seating isn't the allure; the desire to crap it all out means that I need something to do while I fetch up that last little push.
Good work takes time, ma'am.
Posts: 30974
Threads: 204
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation:
141
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 1:54 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 12:36 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: Poop is a noun AND a verb. 
Poop is also a palindrome.
Wait, did I spell it backwards, or didn't I? 
Posts: 30974
Threads: 204
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation:
141
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 1:57 pm
I'd have more to say on the subject, but I need to go give birth to a Republican.
Posts: 15351
Threads: 118
Joined: January 13, 2014
Reputation:
117
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 1:57 pm)Cthulhu Dreaming Wrote: I'd have more to say on the subject, but I need to go give birth to a Republican.
You take white poops?
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
Posts: 15351
Threads: 118
Joined: January 13, 2014
Reputation:
117
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm
(August 6, 2015 at 12:34 pm)Exian Wrote: My personal favorite "gonna take the Browns to the Super Bowl". It can never be confused with its natural meaning.
I am glad you said it so I didn't have to. It is a personal pleasure of mine to do so, mind you. Nonetheless, it needed to be said.
"There remain four irreducible objections to religious faith: that it wholly misrepresents the origins of man and the cosmos, that because of this original error it manages to combine the maximum servility with the maximum of solipsism, that it is both the result and the cause of dangerous sexual repression, and that it is ultimately grounded on wish-thinking." ~Christopher Hitchens, god is not Great
PM me your email address to join the Slack chat! I'll give you a taco(or five) if you join! --->There's an app and everything!<---
Posts: 23013
Threads: 26
Joined: February 2, 2010
Reputation:
106
RE: The Taboo of Number Two
August 6, 2015 at 2:31 pm
Best bathroom graffiti I ever saw, left by some visiting Barksdale AFB, LA firefighters:
"Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',
Just gave birth to another Texan."
Nice to know we could inspire some Lousyanan to poetry.
|
