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Current time: March 29, 2024, 10:28 am

Poll: Who is right here?
This poll is closed.
She was right; you were wrong.
33.33%
5 33.33%
You were right; she was wrong.
20.00%
3 20.00%
You're both right, and you're both wrong.
46.67%
7 46.67%
I don't give a rat's ass.
0%
0 0%
Total 15 vote(s) 100%
* You voted for this item. [Show Results]

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Your opinions, please
#31
RE: Your opinions, please
Thanks, Thena. I'm a good guy, and I'm a jackass. A work in progress. Change is not always comfortable -- I know this on both the intellectual and experiential levels -- but screwing up your courage to change the things you do, to change the way you are -- well, that's a task, right there.

I do appreciate the insight you and everyone else has brought me in your replies. I have been, and will continue, to mull things over. I can't control everything that's going on with our relationship, but I think I need to better control how I interpret and respond to events; less visceral, and more level-headed. Just my first takeaways.

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#32
RE: Your opinions, please
D told me about this poll, and said I would find it interesting.

What he failed to mention, among other things, is that I dealt with the drinking and lying for 3 years. 3 times have I accused him wrongly. Many many times has he denied it, only to admit later he did.
Anyone who knows alcoholics, knows it's what they do. He admitted that himself.

D is a good man, he has many great qualities in him, which is why I stood by him so long and believed in him that he would stop and seek help.
Promises and promises, broken over and over. We wanted to move to the next step..but I couldn't until he stopped and was sober for sometime. His drinking was stopping this.

I forgave him over and over..drinking caused problems of communication and not so nice behavior. But he also gave me such happiness and love I never experienced before.

There were reasons as to why I didn't believe him that night, but I was wrong to accuse him. I make mistakes. We broke up, he blocked me..so no communication. Until he contacted me again. Nothing was said, we talked nicely and it was not brought up. Until the day he posted on a forum we belong to..that he had been sober for 2 weeks (I think it was). I text him congratulating him.
Then he went full blast on me and got very ugly. I did apologize to him but he wouldn't listen. He just kept on and on.
He won't let go..as the thread clearly shows.

Tonight, he still won't let go after bringing it up again and once again, anger. He won't accept that I was sincere and thinks I am a hypocrite, as I didn't believe him the first time weeks ago.

I love him with all my heart..I am a very caring person and a very forgiving one. But with all the forgiving and letting so much go, because that's what you have to do to make a relationship work, he still won't let go of a mistake I made..I give up. I don't want it held over my head and constantly made to feel like I did such a huge nasty thing to him.

The worse thing I ever said to him..was that if he didn't stop drinking, he will be a lonely drunk. That is also something he won't forgive me for. I said that after he kept on pushing and pushing and nastier and nastier in an argument.

We all make mistakes, but it's about fixing things and moving forward....I am no saint, I made mistakes but ive always said sorry, even if he doesn't accept them the first time.

I love you D...you did make me happy and you are a good man.

Peace
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#33
RE: Your opinions, please
I didn't block you. We talked for a week after your false accusation. Indeed, one of the reasons you were so angry at my refusing your congratulations is that you told me I was speaking normally to you for a week before I refused your congratulations -- you were surprised. Now, obviously we cannot both be communicating and not communicating.

Secondly, too often any apology you make has to be brought about by an argument, as you reject out of hand complaints about your own behavior. And this was certainly one of those times. A simple "I suppose I had it wrong, congrats on your sobriety" would have been welcomed.

Thirdly, it was one month sober, not two weeks; I quit drinking on 16 October, made my post at MLP on 16 November, and you sent your "congrats" on the 17th.

As for going "full blast", here's the exact exchange:

Harmzeedy Wrote:Well done on your sobriety.

Thump Wrote:You accused me otherwise not too long back, and when I protested you redoubled your accusation of deceit. Under these circumstances, your words, kind though they may be, ring hollow. Forgive my stiff backbone, but I don't take slaps lightly.

[...]

No reply, hmm? Fair enough.

[...]

Still no answer. I'm left to assume that your pride is more important than our friendship.

Harmzeedy Wrote:If you cannot say something nice then I'd rather you say nothing at all.

Thump Wrote:I'm speaking the truth to you, but if you'd rather not address the issue, that's fine. My feelings about this are honest and deserve consideration, but apparently you don't care enough about them to discuss this issue.

I would have been fine had you acknowledged the wrongness of your false accusations. That you didn't tells me that you will level them as you wish and will not acknowledge nor apologize when you treat me wrongly.

Thank you for reading this. I will now leave you alone. Goodbye.

I think my point was put across as politely as possible. It certainly wasn't "full blast". This isn't the first time I've had to start the argument in order to have my views heard at all.

As for forgiveness, I have forgiven you for saying that shit back in July. I've asked your forgiveness for things too. I haven't really received it, at least not to hear you tell it to me. You say it in this thread ... but even your false accusation is itself a sign of forgiveness withheld. I lied to you. I have acknowledged that to you personally before, and now do so publically. And I know that you will still not trust me ... you will always distrust me. I know this now. I can't honestly expect you to forget my deceit, but I should be able to be free of false accusations coming from someone who promised to support me in my endeavor.

I will always love you, but I don't think I made you very happy at all. It doesn't matter any more, anyway. You've said goodbye, and I'm having a cold beer and watching the world fall away.

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#34
RE: Your opinions, please
Edit: fuck it.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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#35
RE: Your opinions, please
No, go ahead and say it, bud.

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#36
RE: Your opinions, please
(December 12, 2015 at 2:30 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: No, go ahead and say it, bud.

Nah, after the last couple posts it's not really relevant.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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#37
RE: Your opinions, please
It's all good. I'm not sure how much is relevant any more anyway.

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#38
RE: Your opinions, please
Haha, true dat.

I do hope you continue your journey to sobriety. You're a good guy, so I want you to try to take care of yourself.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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#39
RE: Your opinions, please
I failed tonight. I'll get back on the horse and keep headed the right right way. Thanks for the well-wishes.

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#40
RE: Your opinions, please
Thump, can I ask if you think you have a drinking problem? Either way, it's fine; I'm just curious. If you don't want to answer, of course, it's ok Heart
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.
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