I called a friend who is a believer...

[Whateverist]

I "came out" to one of my best friends last Sunday about my non-belief.  She seemed understanding but very concerned.  We talked for about 3 hours and then parted ways.  Tonight I called her because I was concerned about how she was taking the news.  She became emotional and started preaching to me about how I was like Adam in the Garden of Eden, who didn't want to submit to God, so I've been thrown out of the Garden and now I can no longer hear God's voice.  She said that Jesus Christ is my only answer now, and that I would never have my questions answered until I submitted to Jesus Christ because he's the only way back to God.  I calmly listened and then said, "Ok well thanks for the witnessing", then politely said goodnight.  

I know she means well but it still hurts because I feel like our relationship is irrevocably broken.  I explained in depth why I began to struggle and question my beliefs, but she did not acknowledge the rationality behind this.  The idea is that I'm completely to blame for my failure to believe, that I'm unreasonable for asking God to show himself to me, and now I'm the only one who can repair my relationship with God by throwing myself at Jesus' feet.  I told her that I didn't want anything to change between us but she said that she couldn't promise it wouldn't, but she's praying for me.  

She told me that she had always looked up to me, but now I only feel the judgment.

She and many (all?) of the other members of that church probably never will be able to acknowledge what you've done as okay without abandoning their own faith.  No, it shouldn't be that way but it most likely is.  You need to go find a new milieu  Good luck.

[Red_Wind]

Reminds me of when i asked my cousin if i could bring a friend over for a pool day, they have known each other for a while since they have been chatting from time to time online.Unfortunately her mood turned sour when he showed up, she didn't know he was black and completely broke of communication afterwards.

[rexbeccarox]

Reminds me of when i asked my cousin if i could bring a friend over for a pool day, they have known each other for a while since they have been chatting from time to time online.Unfortunately her mood turned sour when he showed up, she didn't know he was black and completely broke of communication afterwards.

Bummer. That must have been horrible for your friend, and embarrassing for you. I'm so sorry. It makes me think of when I was in the ninth grade, and Jackie Hill asked me to homecoming, which was happening in about a month. Holy fuck, did I have a crush on Jackie Hill, and I was crazy excited! I set to making a dress, bought some shoes, told my mom, who was almost as excited as I was, and then I went to my dad's, an hour away, for the regular weekend custody arrangement. I was still excited when I got there, and I told my stepmom what a cutie Jackie Hill was and how enthralled I felt, and she asked to see his yearbook photo from the year before.

A couple of hours later, I found myself sitting on the Living Room couch (the living room, not the family room, mind; this was some serious shit), with my dad and stepmom looming over me telling me I wouldn't get a pass from visiting them for homecoming weekend. I sat there, staring at them, going "WTF??"

That's when my dad said, and I'll never forget the exact phrase, "nice girls stick with their own".

I still went to homecoming with Jackie Hill because my mom put her foot down (rather, refused to meet my dad at the halfway point homecoming Friday), and it didn't occur to me until a few years later that "their own" meant white dudes. Turned out Jackie Hill was black, which had never even crossed my mind until the moment it dawned on me what my dad's objection actually was.

I guess I can say one thing about my dad and stepmom: their racism wasn't overt enough for me to grasp any surrounding concepts until I was fourteen and it was close enough that I was interested in a black dude. Ick.

[Alex K]

So you're not a nice girl. Good for you

[Red_Wind]

Reminds me of when i asked my cousin if i could bring a friend over for a pool day, they have known each other for a while since they have been chatting from time to time online.Unfortunately her mood turned sour when he showed up, she didn't know he was black and completely broke of communication afterwards.

Bummer. That must have been horrible for your friend, and embarrassing for you. I'm so sorry. It makes me think of when I was in the ninth grade, and Jackie Hill asked me to homecoming, which was happening in about a month. Holy fuck, did I have a crush on Jackie Hill, and I was crazy excited! I set to making a dress, bought some shoes, told my mom, who was almost as excited as I was, and then I went to my dad's, an hour away, for the regular weekend custody arrangement. I was still excited when I got there, and I told my stepmom what a cutie Jackie Hill was and how enthralled I felt, and she asked to see his yearbook photo from the year before.

A couple of hours later, I found myself sitting on the Living Room couch (the living room, not the family room, mind; this was some serious shit), with my dad and stepmom looming over me telling me I wouldn't get a pass from visiting them for homecoming weekend. I sat there, staring at them, going "WTF??"

That's when my dad said, and I'll never forget the exact phrase, "nice girls stick with their own".

I still went to homecoming with Jackie Hill because my mom put her foot down (rather, refused to meet my dad at the halfway point homecoming Friday), and it didn't occur to me until a few years later that "their own" meant white dudes. Turned out Jackie Hill was black, which had never even crossed my mind until the moment it dawned on me what my dad's objection actually was.

I guess I can say one thing about my dad and stepmom: their racism wasn't overt enough for me to grasp any surrounding concepts until I was fourteen and it was close enough that I was interested in a black dude. Ick.

Kudos to you and your mom for overcoming the racial barrier.I really wish people would stop judging a book by its cover just because of racial and cultural stereotypes.

[robvalue]

I'm really sorry to hear that OB

The brainwashing is strong in that one. This is a typical response from someone who has been raised to think in binary terms, and shows the divisiveness religion can have. You're with us, or you suck.

It's sad that she made it all about religion, and about her judging you, rather than focusing on you and how you are. I hope she comes to her senses, but I think anyone who only wants to be your friend if you are in the same cult as them is not a good friend. If they can't appreciate you for you, then their friendship is phony.

All I can say is to tell her that losing belief isn't a choice. The only "choice" left to you would be to pretend to believe for the sake of others, or to spend time talking to what you consider to be figments of your imagination. Of course, someone this brainwashed can never consider they might actually be wrong, but the presence of all the other religions means that either all religions except one are wrong, or they are all wrong. The odds that hers is right is one in N, where N tends to infinity, since there is any number of possible religions that haven't even been made yet.

I hope you can sort things out with her. But it's her choice, and her loss. If she requires you to discard your intellectual honesty and to "submit" (I really hate that word) then she is putting up unreasonable barriers to your friendship.

PS regarding your doubts:

Everything free thinkers such as myself have to say is never presented for you to just believe. I give my opinion, and the reasons behind that opinion. I will actively encourage you to go and think about it yourself, research it, and come to your own conclusions. And I won't judge you if you don't end up with the same conclusions as me. Can the same be said about anyone this invested in dogmatic religion?

You should have nothing to fear by considering every angle, even the aspect of "believing again". I fully understand that emotions will be raw and doubt high, when such a life-changing event has occured. I feel confident that now you've seen through the veil, you won't be fooled again. Buts it's up to you to find your path

[Aoi Magi]

You won't get your answers till you believe??

She is still "connected" right? Ask her to get the answers for you from jeebus and see for yourself if they are satisfactory enough... easy

[robvalue]

Ask her what four figure number Robvalue is thinking of. He'll know who I am

Guaranteed she won't even try to hazard a guess, she'll make some excuse as to why God either doesn't know this, or won't tell her. He'd rather watch her preach for hours while presenting no evidence whatsoever. "God doesn't play games!" / "God isn't interested in such trivial matters!" / "God doesn't like to provide any actual evidence that he exists outside of my imagination!"

No theist has even put forward a try on this (I've challenged before), so the confidence that God is providing them any information they don't already know is suspect. God only seems to tell people what they want to hear, and it's never anything that couldn't easily be accessed in some other way. It's never anything astounding or even interesting; not what I've been told, anyway. Maybe someone is hoarding a doozy

[brewer]

Re-read your final theory thread again. And tell her to stop praying, that's offensive.

[dyresand]

Maybe your feeling of judgement from her is actually guilt on your part. You are the one who chose to change not her, so why wouldn't you expect her to react differently towards you, it's only natural.

GC

Don't  be dishonest Atheism isn't a choice it's logical conclusion to ones understand and their belief.
Religion has so many holes it especially christianity and others simply reading the book will turn you atheists.