Is it wrong?

[Iroscato]

Is it wrong that I am not moved by death?

I feel nothing when I learn about the death of another.

"Wrong" is a tricky bitch of a word. From my perspective, it's pretty fucked up. But nobody made me High Arbiter of Moral Objectivity.

[robvalue]

That's very sweet of you, thank you

It doesn't happen too often, I'm happy to say.

You're welcome.


Personally, i was oversensitive in my youth which caused anxiety and depression.Actually, around the time i became an atheist i started judging peoples negative opinions on me as insignificant.Why worry or care about something that has no impact on your life?

There are some negatives by thinking this way but it has provided me with a major confidence boost to get over some of the hurdles of life.

I'm glad you have found a way to cope with it

It's only people I am reasonably close to who upset me, people I regard as friends. If some random jobber lays into me, I couldn't care less. I built up a thick skin to that as a child.

[Athene]

---

You must know that happens, Kitan. It's how people often protect themselves, when they've seen or experienced too much. And it's not always a deliberate act. 

People who don't know me well, often perceive me as cold and indifferent in regards to death. I've even held that perception of myself, at times. For the most part, I only feel sincere emotional distress when I have a personal attachment to the person(s) involved, and even then it's not always obvious to others. The primary reason for this is that I've witnessed many deaths by vocation, many of them being quite horrific.

---

Everybody's different I guess. I've had people basically die under my hands and seen disfigured corpses, and somehow I still don't cheer on mass murderers to kill some more, like some thread starters do. Maybe that means that *I* am the psychopath? That must be it.

I was only expounding on your speculation that what's perceived as callousness or indifference, could be possibly be a coping mechanism for people who are sensitive to pain and suffering.

I don't know if you're a psychopath. If I had to put $ on it though, I'd have to say no.

[Alex K]

Everybody's different I guess. I've had people basically die under my hands and seen disfigured corpses, and somehow I still don't cheer on mass murderers to kill some more, like some thread starters do. Maybe that means that *I* am the psychopath? That must be it.

I was only expounding on your speculation that what's perceived as callousness or indifference, could be possibly be a coping mechanism for people who are sensitive to pain and suffering.

I don't know if you're a psychopath. If I had to put $ on it though, I'd have to say no.

I understand, your example is interesting.
No I'm definitely not a psychopath. Maybe I am less sensitive. Maybe I just have a somewhat less disturbing coping mechanism that Kitan here

[Aoi Magi]

A psychopath like me won't really post like that, no, but a sociopath is quite different in that they are well aware of their lack of empathy and are also aware of it's caveats, and so have a much higher tendency to admit to it and even seek help.

You're aware that you're a psychopath, but you aren't aware of your lack of empathy?

No the psychopath is aware but to them it is the normal thing. They are generally not concerned about their lack of empathy, but a sociopath is.

[paulpablo]

Is it wrong that I am not moved by death?

I feel nothing when I learn about the death of another.

I'm very unemotional about everything, it's something EVERYONE notices about me.  But I at least get surprised at peoples deaths, especially if they are young, I do get upset if a person died tragically.

If you take the news of David Bowies death as an example.  I don't care about David Bowie, I'm not going to mourn him, I'd go as far to say I'm not even upset at his death, he's lived a good life and a fairly long one.  I did feel a sense of surprise when I heard about his death though because I didn't expect it.

You made a comment "He was ugly anyway."  I don't think the cause of you saying that is just purely a lack of empathy, it's combined with other things like attention seeking, shallowness, things like that.

I lack empathy with the death of David Bowie, my only thoughts were wow that's surprising, I liked a lot of his music, Ricky Gervais loved David Bowie I wonder how he will react. Other than that I didn't think or feel much else.  If I wanted to seek attention I could have said something really shallow and offensive about him and I wouldn't feel any emotion about it but I just don't have that desire for attention.
Plus my first thoughts weren't about if he was good looking or ugly or whatever.

[Whateverist]

Death is just a natural effect of life.  I see no problem with it.

Okay, I'm still on the first page but I wonder if anyone else read this article in the Sunday in Review section of the NY Times yesterday:

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/10/opinio....html?_r=0

Paradoxically, this meditation on death is intended as a key to better living. It makes disciples aware of the transitory nature of their own physical lives and stimulates a realignment between momentary desires and existential goals. In other words, it makes one ask, “Am I making the right use of my scarce and precious life?”

Not a new idea of course, but an important one.

[Whateverist]

I have enough of that already though, I don't need you to provide it.

If someone who is being honest about how he feels, especially if it means he is going against the grain, and if that attitude just happens to be negative, then again it should not in any way affect you.

When people at work complain and display negative characteristics, I am not negatively affected.  

Rather, I am entertained.  I turn what could badly affect me into a positive.

Therefore, GROW THE FUCK UP.

Wait, didn't you start by asking us if something about you was normal?  Based on the feedback you're received, are you really shouting that we need to change (what you call growing the fuck up)?  I can tell you asking for feedback and spitting on those who provide it isn't healthy.

[Whateverist]

When my parents and two brothers died I was certainly affected but I wasn't upset. I find thinking of my fondest memories of each one very touching and I am never able to remain dry eyed while speaking at a funeral. But it isn't because I find death itself such a calamity. In fact, the actuality of death makes me feel all the more connected to everyone else. The ending is inevitable for us all. In some strange way I never feel so fully alive as I do on a death day of a loved one. Fully alive and fully vulnerable.

[MTL]

Is it wrong that I am not moved by death?

I feel nothing when I learn about the death of another.

You made a comment "He was ugly anyway."  I don't think the cause of you saying that is just purely a lack of empathy, it's combined with other things like attention seeking, shallowness, things like that.

If I wanted to seek attention I could have said something really shallow and offensive about him and I wouldn't feel any emotion about it but I just don't have that desire for attention.

Absolutely.

(And the following is just a general observation for those hurt by the needless negativity of others
that is only said out of a calculated desire to hurt others
...I'm not addressing you, specifically, PaulPablo):


There is such a thing as being kind,
and then there is being too easily affected by the way others talk to you or treat you,
to your own detriment.

In this sense, Kitan hit sort of close  to the mark;

It's not that his "attitude"

...or rather, his proactive decision to say something negative that was in no way constructive...

CANNOT hurt others;
it's that it SHOULDN'T.

So Kitan scorns anyone who is hurt
by his choice to proactively say something that is needlessly negative

...so why did he say it, then?

His comment contributed nothing useful;
it's only possible purpose could be to hurt those who are hurtable.

So I posit that his subsequent scorn for those who are hurt by his otherwise pointless  words
...is just to hurt them even further.

As I get older, and I learn about the staggering myriad ways  that people can become fucked in the head,
what emerges is that I need not become less empathic;
just more guarded about who is worth dispensing that empathy upon,
and whose opinions are worthless as a fart in the wind.

For instance, once I learned what a Narcissist was, I learned to spot them earlier,
and get away from them.

Once I learned what Cognitive Dissonance was....answer same as above.

If an Empathic person doesn't understand these things,
then they will continue turning the other cheek
and continue to be smitten again and again.

But once you understand the psychology,
or at least understand that there IS some sort of fucked-up-ed-ness at work, there,
and that you can do nothing about it,
you stop blaming yourself
and write that person off.

(What is tricky is when they succeed in shaming you for something that YOU actually said or did
that YOU agree with and will consequently feel bad about;

So just own the mistake, chalk it up to learning, and don't let them continue to use it against you.

The fact that you have a conscience about your mistakes
demonstrates that you deserve at least some degree of forgiveness from yourself).