Still struggling.

[ApeNotKillApe]

True dat.

[Brian37]

Oh, but if you still live under your parents roof, DONT make it a battle. We cant tell you how to open up or when to open up. But if you are still a dependent, it does you no good to get yourself thrown out of the house. If all you can do until you are 18 is post on line, we're here for you. But in the meantime you still need to stay in school and do the best you can at home too.

[The Grand Nudger]

I came here a few days ago saying I had converted from Christian to Atheist, but was doubting a lot. I also mentioned I had OCD which may be contributing to the problem.

 
What problem?

Heres an update.
1) The doubt is gone, but I still get this nagging feeling. My brain was condition to believe in god, and me trying to condition me otherwise is very difficult.

Entirely to be expected.  I've never been a believer myself, but I get these sorts of thoughts all the time.  Just not about gods.  If you -didn't- have this experience, you'd almost categorically be suffering some sort of deep seated break.  

2) I started listening to the logical side of my brain. My OCD has been less 'triggersome' lately and I feel a lot better. I was able to dismiss thoughts that disturbed me so. Like "god's real, satan has got you". Instead of listening to my emotions, I listened to the logic side of my brain saying "There is no evidence for god. Theres evidence for evolution. Carbon Dating, Fossils, among other things. 2 stories of the bible had been proven false to me (Noahs Ark and Adam and Eve) so the rest will follow."

All incidental in the end.  Both camps present what they wish for you to consider evidence and you probably don't have much of a choice as to what you accept from either group.  You are either convinced, or you are not...regardless, in any direction.  

Still, this nagging feeling. Whenever there is a coincidence, like lately I've been seeing god being mentioned more "gods trying to help you". I would say "It's psychological. gods not 'appearing' more, I'm just noticing it more due to my stuggle." The nagging feeling goes away for a minute and then comes back.

I have this same experience, again despite having never been a believer.  I would describe it the same way..except it's never "god" but "the cosmos", or any number of names that humanity has given the same.  We're both human, we're both pattern seekers and projectors.

My brain is still using indoctrination. My parents are wondering if I am an atheist, I can tell. I am scared they will convert me. My brother converted to atheism a bit ago and now they converted him back. He now says "I have zero doubt about god.". I now say "I am just as sure that god isn't any more real than fairies and santa."

-and it always will.  Any moment in your life that you feel you've escaped indoctrination is a moment in which you are completely and fundamentally wrong. 

I can combat my old personal expirence with god though. I was listening to christian music in 7th grade and I got this feeling of motivation and happiness. Now I say "People have a personal relationship with buddha and allah, if you believe in something, you will get motivated by it. Christian songs are designed to be motivational in nature also, with violins and upbeat, high, catchy tunes. I still get that nagging feeling tho.

Wat Do?

Nothing, it's normal.  I love gospel music and devotionals too. It's catchy/pretty. Hit me jesus one more time!

[Socratic Meth Head]

What's the problem?

the problem was the doubting. I mentioned it in the first paragraph

[Brian37]

I feel your struggle, man. But you have to understand that you can't recondition yourself overnight. It's going to take some time. And skepticism practice. Keep at it, and it will get easier.

Thanks. I'm considering telling my parents I'm atheist and telling them don't bother me about it because i believe what I want nd you believe what you want. But I doubt it will happen the way I hope it will.

Glad you are realistic, life in reality never always happens the way we would want it to go.

I love my mom more than anything. But outside the issue of religion, we had a hard time with each other growing up. She was raised with very authoritarian script thinking, kids are to be seen and not heard, boys don't cry, and "Just do it". Now while sometimes she was right that I was doing wrong, but other times it was simply because she didn't want to explain things to me, and often would take it out on me even when I didn't do anything wrong. 

One day in my late teens, I was sitting on the couch with my feet on a "stool". She came in one day and shouted "What are you doing! Get your feet off of the ottoman!"......Kept repeating it loudly. Finally figured out she meant "foot stool". But even after that she kept ranting for another 20 mins, and that was the moment I knew I had done nothing wrong. Finally drug it out of her that what she was really angry at was some lady she got stuck behind at the check out isle at the grocery store.

Point being my mom was totally unrealistic about me, not that she knew any better, but then again, neither did I. I can deal with her much better now that I am aware of how humans behave.

She is most certainly a much more relaxed person than when I was growing up. Neither of us had a concept of "it is ok to be different". 

No matter how your family might react, it is still up to you how you respond. If you think they will flip out to disowning you, you might want to consider waiting until you have good support in your personal life in case that happens. If you think they might flip out, but still not disown you, then keep telling them you are the same person and still love them, and SHOW THEM by your actions. They may go through their entire lives never understanding, but if you respond with that attitude, they will learn to accept it.

My younger sister was a theist when I met her, but left religion as an adult. Our biological family flipped out at first. They still don't like the fact she does not believe, but they are no longer flipping out over it.

[Brian37]

It's a stressful phase to go through, just keep fighting those harmful thoughts, educate yourself on atheism/antitheism/skepticism, equip yourself with the logical tools to reduce the harm those thoughts do to you. It takes time, but you can transcend that conflicted feeling. Remember that those feelings are EXACTLY why the religion is so powerful, it's incredibly effective at controlling people, that's why natural selection has chosen it.

I swear each new post someone puts here is like a new gate to relief and clarity is opened. Thanks man.

Welcome to the dark side Luke.

[KUSA]

I don't understand how anyone can worry about being converted.

I am unable to choose what I believe. Someone could talk until they were blue in the face to convince me that Leprechauns are real but it wouldn't work because it is ridiculous. The same applies to a god. It just sounds silly.

[Cinjin]

Read THIS:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh

...and know that your "one true god" was just another one of many.  Made up and phony as hell.

You've been imprinted as a child.  It takes time to let all the crazy go.  Whenever you doubt the truth of reality, go read up on some documented history.  Truth is all you need.

[Brian37]

I don't understand how anyone can worry about being converted.

I am unable to choose what I believe. Someone could talk until they were blue in the face to convince me that Leprechauns are real but it wouldn't work because it is ridiculous. The same applies to a god. It just sounds silly.

Yes, but without knowing the tactics of theists, "that just sounds silly" isn't enough. Plenty of laypersons can scoff at something only later to be sucked into the trap of a slick snake oil salesman. Kid have a better excuse for swallowing it because they are too young to understand the importance of critical thinking. But even adults can basically not care either way, then suddenly have an event that shakes them, to where they feel the need to find "something" to give them a sense they are not alone, even if what they pick is completely false. 

And there literally IS a scientific explanation as to why humans gap fill with god claims, and that as well is important to understand as well. 

So while Hitchens was right "That which can be asserted without evidence can be easily dismissed without evidence" or the layperson's version "If it sound too good to be true, it probably is", while true, still isn't enough.

[KUSA]

I don't understand how anyone can worry about being converted.

I am unable to choose what I believe. Someone could talk until they were blue in the face to convince me that Leprechauns are real but it wouldn't work because it is ridiculous. The same applies to a god. It just sounds silly.

Yes, but without knowing the tactics of theists, "that just sounds silly" isn't enough. Plenty of laypersons can scoff at something only later to be sucked into the trap of a slick snake oil salesman. Kid have a better excuse for swallowing it because they are too young to understand the importance of critical thinking. But even adults can basically not care either way, then suddenly have an event that shakes them, to where they feel the need to find "something" to give them a sense they are not alone, even if what they pick is completely false. 

And there literally IS a scientific explanation as to why humans gap fill with god claims, and that as well is important to understand as well. 

So while Hitchens was right "That which can be asserted without evidence can be easily dismissed without evidence" or the layperson's version "If it sound too good to be true, it probably is", while true, still isn't enough.

I understand what you are saying as I was once a Christian. But now, after actually reading the bible and looking at the facts, I couldn't be converted back without God himself appearing before me.