Someone stole the body!

[Jehanne]

This is not a thread for Jesus mythists, so let's suppose that Jesus of Nazareth existed.  Professor Bart Ehrman, in his 2008 debate with William Craig, gave a completely naturalistic explanation of Jesus' supposed "resurrection" from the dead, which I am going to embellish on my own:

1)  Around age 30 Jesus went down to Jerusalem for the first time from Galilee after being born in Nazareth, got busted by the Romans for causing trouble in the Temple, went before a Roman proctor (probably, never even met Pilate -- few, if any, criminals ever did), was labeled a loon and insurrector, and with some likely influence from the Jewish authorities, was executed by crucifixion.

2)  Jesus had some sympathizers, and with some influence, his body was handed over to them and buried in a tomb.  The Jewish authorities likely agreed to this as some sort of "peace offering" to Jesus' followers.

3)  However, some of Jesus' family members, followers and friends were unhappy with his burial arrangements, and so, in the middle of the night, they went and stole Jesus' body.  But while they were traveling with Jesus' corpse, they were discovered by a Roman watch, confronted, and after a brief scuffle, they were all killed by the Romans.  Their bodies, along with Jesus', were buried in an unmarked grave.

4)  Later on some women followers of Jesus went to the tomb of his supposed burial and discovered that his body was missing.

5)  In the months and years following Jesus' death, his followers began having visions of the "risen" savior.

6)  Later on the letters of Paul were written (the earliest by Paul), and then the Gospels, Mark being the first.  After Mark, came Matthew and Luke, and finally, John, with its highly embellished accounts of Jesus' life, and finally, the Gospel of Peter, with even more embellishments than John.  It is likely that Mark contains some authentic history of Jesus, the fact that some women went to Jesus' tomb, discovering that it was empty and fleeing because "they were afraid" with Mark clearly ending at 16:8.  Later on the ending of Mark was embellished further.

[robvalue]

Sounds pretty good.

Isn't there a problem that they never would have buried Jesus in a tomb anyway? Wouldn't they have chucked him in a mass grave or such? It doesn't make sense that they'd give him such a high status burial after killing him for being a preacher.

The tomb is empty because he was never put in it in the first place.

[Jehanne]

I think that he was buried in a tomb because of his very quick trial and execution.  Some Jewish authorities may have felt that Jesus was condemned unjustly; after all, he was just another loon walking around have delusions of grandeur; there were, after all, hundreds of these types of individuals on the scene during the 1st century.  Maybe some Jewish authorities heard complaints about this, and with the attitude that "Hey, we're all going to die someday anyway," decided to convince the Romans to hand Jesus' body over to his relatives, as the preservation of the corpse was important to Jews of that day, as well as ours.

[Chad32]

There are a number of problems concerning Jesus' death, as well as other things regarding him. Most likely he's just a mythological figure that never really existed. Like Hercules and such. There might have been a guy who said some nice things, and did some good deeds, but he wasn't some son of god that somehow paid for our sins by temporarily dying.

Not that it should ever be acceptable for an innocent person to die in place of the guilty, but that's another topic altogether.

[brewer]

When I read the title I was hoping for a story of church robbery and only communion wafers were taken.

[abaris]

Business as usual for the Romans was to let the body rot on the cross and to throw it into some ditch at some time. The whole tomb story doesn't add up in lights of history, even more so if Jesus would have been indeed considered traitor or insurgent. There's no way they would have granted a dignified burial, for the simple reason of crime prevention and deterrent.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I consider it evidence that necrophilia was present even in that day and age.

[Jehanne]

Business as usual for the Romans was to let the body rot on the cross and to throw it into some ditch at some time. The whole tomb story doesn't add up in lights of history, even more so if Jesus would have been indeed considered traitor or insurgent. There's no way they would have granted a dignified burial, for the simple reason of crime prevention and deterrent.

I don't think that it was a "dignified burial"; rather, the Romans were the ones who were in charge, but at the same time, the Romans were the ones were pioneered the concept of federalism, which means that the Romans respected local government.  As such, it is easy to image that some of Jesus' followers, friends and family were upset at his speedy arrest, quick trial and summary execution.  But, they were consoled by the fact that Jesus was now in Heaven with God, but they wanted his body to have at least a semi-respectable burial.  In order to "keep the peace," the Jewish leaders decided, quickly, to offer Jesus' followers a "fig leaf" (pardon the pun) and he was allowed to be buried in a tomb.  The Romans didn't really "give a shit", and so, the Romans gave the local authorities what they wanted.  Some, however, were still unhappy, and so, the body went missing.  Completely plausible scenario, which resulted in a World religion.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Let's try it another way:

THEY MADE THE WHOLE FUCKING THING UP!!!! The tomb of Jesus was empty because there wasn't a Jesus to put into a tomb to begin with. There wasn't even a tomb. The hagiographic tales about 'Jesus of Nazareth' were written decades after the 'events' they purport to describe, so the most likely explanation is that they were written to give a semblance of form and substance to the myths people were already talking about.

Boru

[Redbeard The Pink]

Personally, I don't really think Gandalf was fully dead after fighting and defeating the Balrog. I think he just went into some kind of Wizard coma while his natural magical energies recharged his body and spirit, surpassing his previous limits as he repaired the damage (kinda like Goku sleeping in that pod before he fought Freeza).