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Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 10:18 am
I definitely think it is possible to very much overdo active listening. However I think there is a time and a place. Not everyone needs it and it isn't always helpful, but I think perhaps it is helpful at least to me, when I am applying it correctly.
This article interests me, at least certain parts of it anyway 
http://friendship.about.com/od/Improving...ndship.htm
Here are some sections of the article that I find especially helpful to me:
Quote:Clear out preconceived notions of what you think your friend is going to say. (This is especially important between people that have known each other a long time, because you've probably heard them talk about things a bunch of times and think you know them. To truly listen, pretend you've just met them.)
Quote:Before commenting or offering advice, determine if your friend is asking for this. (They might just want to vent and figure it out without your help.)
Quote:It's natural for friends to develop a shortcut with communication after a while, so active listening isn't done every time people talk. However, it's important not to get complacent about communicating with friends. Don't get into such a routine that when your friend really needs you to pay attention she has to ask.
Use active listening when:
You're having a lot of small disagreements. This is a sign that someone isn't paying attention.
Your friend tells you that you just don't get it.
Quote:Active Listening Lets You Understand Your Friend's Feelings
Many of the misunderstandings between friends happen when one friend is shocked that the other reacted a certain way, or had hurt feelings over something they thought was a small issue. Despite knowing our friends, there are times when we can't comprehend the way they feel. Understanding your friend's emotions behind an issue can help you decipher times when your friend is acting "out of character" (to you, at least) or has behaved in a way that is confusing to you. It helps to be self-aware so you can understand your part in things as well, or at least how you are coming off to your friend.
Of course, I am not superman so I am unable to follow this advice every time it is appropriate. But I do however think that is nevertheless good advice sometimes and I reckon that making an effort to follow it will be helpful to me.
If anyone else can relate to the article at all or these quotes from it that I have provided, or if anyone wants to leave any comments on this post whatsoever that is of course welcomed. The purpose of this thread is just for others to relate to myself and/or the article I linked and quoted from if they so wish.
Just feel free to say whatever (within the rules of AF of course )
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 10:48 am
(This post was last modified: July 23, 2016 at 10:49 am by robvalue.)
What I find very useful is to paraphrase back to someone what I think they are telling me, in my own words. This shows I've been listening, it gives me the chance to see if I've understood correctly, and the other person can correct any misunderstandings.
Obviously this is something that would summarise a section of conversation, not something to do after every sentence.
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 11:56 am
If I'm understanding you correctly, you're saying that while you think active listening can be overdone, you'd also like others to read this article and offer their own opinions so that you can benefit from their thoughts?
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 12:05 pm
(This post was last modified: July 23, 2016 at 12:06 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
Yes, but also so they and others can perhaps benefit from the article -- and the parts I quoted that I find helps me -- too.
So, to clarify: I agree completely except that it's not only for my own benefit
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 1:22 pm
You Are My Friend
lyrics Wrote:You hold my hand,
You might not say a word
But I see your tears when I show my pain
http://visionswithvoices.com/MyFriend.mp3
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 2:14 pm
What got you thinking about this, if you don't mind sharing?
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 3:49 pm
Be careful what you wish for. In most of my day to day conversations (friend or not), the other person does not want to hear my conclusions/observations of active listening. They are much more comfortable with passive listening and passive response.
I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem.
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 4:22 pm
... Sorry? I, er, wasn't listening.
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 23, 2016 at 7:21 pm
(July 23, 2016 at 3:49 pm)mh.brewer Wrote: Be careful what you wish for. In most of my day to day conversations (friend or not), the other person does not want to hear my conclusions/observations of active listening. They are much more comfortable with passive listening and passive response.
I get that a lot as well (and I've been told that I'm a VERY good listener). I can usually suss out if they actually want advice or just want to yak. First (once they stop for breath), I'll ask - sincerely - 'What can I do?'. If they want advice/help, they'll generally tell me once the opening is given. If they seem to ignore my offer, I tend to let them run on until they clearly feel better and I'll try to wrap up the convo with something like, 'Good talk' or 'Glad I was here for you'.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Active listening within friendships
July 24, 2016 at 12:17 am
(July 23, 2016 at 2:14 pm)Rhythm Wrote: What got you thinking about this, if you don't mind sharing?
Well I'll say this much: I think as nice of a guy I am... I'll admit I'm not always the greatest listener. Especially when I'm so excitable and rambley.
I want to work on my listening skills
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