Your friend tells you they're a paedophile

[robvalue]

Let's pretend you have a friend, and you're a parent. You've known this friend a long time. You trust them, and you believe they are a good person.

One day they confide in you that they are a paedophile. They have sexual urges towards young children. They say they haven't ever acted on them, nor do they intend to, and you believe they are sincere. They just want your understanding and support, and they ask that you keep this confidential.

How do you react? For example:

1) Do you keep it confidential?

a) No, tell as many people as possible
b) No, tell a select few
c) No, tell a select few but ask them to be sympathetic
d) Yes

2) Will you still be their friend?

a) No, cut all contact
b) Yes, but distance yourself
c) Yes

3) If yes to the above, will it change the contact you allow with your children?

a) Yes, cut all contact
b) Yes, only supervised contact
c) No

4) Will you support them?

a) No, don't want to hear anything about it
b) Yes, as long as they keep it vague
c) Yes, let them say whatever they need to

[BrokenQuill92]

It's really quite simple. I'm going to ask them if they ever touched or thought about touching my kid. I will put heavy emphasis on me killing them painfully l if they say they've thought about my kid. I will take my kid to multiple doctors to double check. And if my child tells me that some so much as messed a hair out of place heads will roll. They'd better leave town and do it quick.

[robvalue]

Thought crime?

[BrokenQuill92]

Thought crime?

When it comes to my family? Oh yes. I don't have any children of my own yet, but I have a nephew and little cousins. And I love them just as fiercely as if I'd borne them myself. I would indeed bring hell upon anyone who looked at them wrong.

[Thumpalumpacus]

1) Do you keep it confidential?

c) No, tell a select few but ask them to be sympathetic

... if they have children with whom the pedophile has contact, I'd feel awful if I learnt later that their child was molested and I did nothing. So I'd say something, in order to alert them, but ask them to not get all aggro, simply be wise and take precautions.

2) Will you still be their friend?

b) Yes, but distance yourself

I'd be civil, but avoid deeper personal conversations.

3) If yes to the above, will it change the contact you allow with your children?

b) Yes, only supervised contact

Absolutely.

4) Will you support them?

a) No, don't want to hear anything about it
b) Yes, as long as they keep it vague
c) Yes, let them say whatever they need to

I'd support them seeking what help is available. But letting them say what they will ... I dunno. I sure wouldn't want to hear how they might have fantasized about children, particularly my own. So limited support, I suppose.

[Regina]

It would change how I think about them and, if I had kids, they wouldn't be seeing my kids again without supervision.

I'd strongly encourage them to seek some kind of counselling or help with it. Whether or not I'd tell other people I don't know, depends on a lot of things; how likely I think they'd act on it and if they're surrounded by other friends who have kids.

[Jesster]

It would change how I think about them and, if I had kids, they wouldn't be seeing my kids again without supervision.

I'd strongly encourage them to seek some kind of counselling or help with it. Whether or not I'd tell other people I don't know, depends on a lot of things; how likely I think they'd act on it and if they're surrounded by other friends who have kids.

100% this

[Losty]

1) D maybe C...
2) C
3) A
4) C, providing they're not going into any fantasy details so maybe B...

[Little lunch]

I would still be their friend and support them 100%.
I wouldn't let them be unsupervised around my kid, but then again, why would you trust anybody alone and unsupervised with your kid.
I would probably try and limit contact between them and my kid for both their sakes.
I mean, they didn't have to tell you. If you get angry you'll drive them back into their shell and you will be partially responsible for the help they didn't receive and anything they do to any other kid.
If you tell others, they will feel you've abused their trust and will probably call you a liar and not get help.
I sometimes feel that people who call paedophiles monsters and whatnot are possibly doing it to prove to others that they are not in the same category, rather than thinking about the kids they could save by trying to be more understanding about the issue and being part of a real solution.
Let's face it, abusing and punishing them has not worked as a deterrent so far.
It would be better to have the paedophiles who have never committed a crime onside.

[rado84]

Yes - on all 4 questions. Friendship is more important to me than making someone's life miserable by telling everyone their secrets only because of the restrains our society tends to put on everyone. Not to mention I'm not a gossiper and I hate gossipers.