Your friend tells you they're a paedophile

[Excited Penguin]

I tend to choose my friends extremely carefully, and then make sure I can trust them before they stick around for too long.

It depends on the person. If this is my best friend we're talking about, the person whose judgment and character I trust as much as my own, then it probably wouldn't affect me. I do sort of feel like I'd want to distance my kids from them but that seems like an emotional reaction. If I truly trusted this person my kids would have nothing to fear from them, nor others supposedly. Now then, I'd try to find out if he's only attracted to kids and if he can't quiet his urges in some way that is legal and doesn't hurt anyone. If yes and no then I will strongly advise him to seek counsel. Also, this is the point where I cut contact with my kids and tell other people if I don't see willingness from him to treat his condition. It's not about trust anymore. I'd also be asking him if he ever acted out on his fantasies in the past, and inform the police if he did.

What I wrote above seems slightly contradictory only for one reason. I know my friends. I would certainly make sure I did before I let them near my kids. I just don't see me befriending an exclusive pedophile, it seems to me like that kind of person would give off all sorts of warning signs. But hey, anything is possible.

[robvalue]

This is messed up, Rob...
Where does this idea come from?

As for the challenge itself... I don't know how I'd react... most likely, I'd distance myself from that person and encourage anyone I know who may have contact with him/her to follow my lead.
At the time of that friend's confiding, I'd probably advise seeking professional help to tame such desires, as they are one big ticket to jail. And then... bye bye!

I got the idea from the other thread about this subject. I'm trying to explore people's feelings about this, to get them thinking about paedophiles as people.

I'm still unsure about the legality of the situation regarding a therapist or similar. Does anyone know? If someone tells a therapist they are a paedophile, is the therapist allowed to tell anyone? My initial thought is that they're not allowed, unless they suspect any imminent danger. I'd be interested in the reality though. I imagine many people wouldn't even dare tell a therapist in case it got out.

[GrandizerII]

This is messed up, Rob...
Where does this idea come from?

As for the challenge itself... I don't know how I'd react... most likely, I'd distance myself from that person and encourage anyone I know who may have contact with him/her to follow my lead.
At the time of that friend's confiding, I'd probably advise seeking professional help to tame such desires, as they are one big ticket to jail. And then... bye bye!

I got the idea from the other thread about this subject. I'm trying to explore people's feelings about this, to get them thinking about paedophiles as people.

I'm still unsure about the legality of the situation regarding a therapist or similar. Does anyone know? If someone tells a therapist they are a paedophile, is the therapist allowed to tell anyone? My initial thought is that they're not allowed, unless they suspect any imminent danger. I'd be interested in the reality though. I imagine many people wouldn't even dare tell a therapist in case it got out.

In Australia, from what I remember being taught (been a while), while confidentiality is to be respected in general by therapist, the relationship between therapist and client is NOT unconditionally privileged. This means if the therapist had justification to suspect the person seeking treatment may at risk of harming someone, they might feel obliged to disclose this to certain others. Depends on the therapist and how extreme the situation perceived was. But the relationship is not as privileged/protected as one between lawyer and client.

Not sure about the UK.

[robvalue]

Oh yes. In the UK, of the therapist suspects a threat of harm, they can break confidentiality. In fact, they are legally required to. My question is about when they don't suspect harm. I wonder if some therapists would take the very admission as being a threat of harm. They shouldn't, in my opinion. But I don't know.

[Chad32]

I'd help them out as much as possible, to get through their problem. I think some of the issues with sexual stuff is mostly about repression. So if you allow people to masturbate without browbeating them, or whatever, they'll be able to get through their day better. They need help. Not abandonment.

[The Grand Nudger]

1) Do you keep it confidential?

a) No, tell as many people as possible
b) No, tell a select few
c) No, tell a select few but ask them to be sympathetic
d) Yes

d

2) Will you still be their friend?

a) No, cut all contact
b) Yes, but distance yourself
c) Yes

a

3) If yes to the above, will it change the contact you allow with your children?

a) Yes, cut all contact
b) Yes, only supervised contact
c) No

NA

4) Will you support them?

a) No, don't want to hear anything about it
b) Yes, as long as they keep it vague
c) Yes, let them say whatever they need to

a

[Losty]

Yes - on all 4 questions. Friendship is more important to me than making someone's life miserable by telling everyone their secrets only because of the restrains our society tends to put on everyone. Not to mention I'm not a gossiper and I hate gossipers.

I did except for the kids. That's kind of the point where you don't ever get to see my kids again. I'm already really picky about who I let around my kids. I have friends who have no contact with my kids already. It's because I choose people based on whether I think they'll be a positive influence in their lives. Some people are fine to be my friends but they just don't make the cut to meet my kids. More, if there's any sign of a potential risk for my kids you're out.

[rado84]

I did except for the kids. That's kind of the point where you don't ever get to see my kids again. I'm already really picky about who I let around my kids. I have friends who have no contact with my kids already. It's because I choose people based on whether I think they'll be a positive influence in their lives. Some people are fine to be my friends but they just don't make the cut to meet my kids. More, if there's any sign of a potential risk for my kids you're out.

If the pedophile has at least an ounce of brain, neither you or your kid would ever know something happened. And I don't have any kids nor will I ever have, so I don't really care. Like I said, friendship is more important to me than anything else. As for your case, I call this a hypocrisy - when a person is being considered a friend for as long as they fit in the society's idea of right. This is much like the hipocrisy of the rich people - if you're rich, they'll call you a friend for as long as you have money. If one day you bankrupt, you won't exist to them anymore.
But there's no right or wrong in nature. For instance, cats and bitches get to be impregnated when they become 1 year old. If using the famous analogy with humans, 1 doggy year equals 7 human years. Kinda makes one wonder why nobody ever speaks about pedophilia when a dog mates with a 1 year old bitch.
If the person in question likes to fuck something different than what I like, I won't judge them, no matter whether they like to fuck kids, animals, trees, cars, or even corpses. With nearly 7 billion inhabitants of the planet diversity is inevitable. I don't remember who said it but it's true - the bigger a society grows, the more and the stranger personalities will appear.

[Losty]

I've no clue why you think someone being smart enough to make it where I never knew....like wtf is wrong with you?

Also, I don't really give shit if you think I'm a hypocrite. This is nothing to do with societal standards. This is to do with my children. I choose who is and is not allowed to influence their development at these early stages. I choose based on my own standards for my own kids. I don't know what that's got to do with being rich or whatever. Most the time nothing you say makes much sense to me anyway.

[Excited Penguin]

Yes, BG, but at the same time we can't let people fuck kids. Kids are people too. They're not mature enough to engage in sexual activities or at the very least we don't know enough about it to risk letting them engage in that behaviour.

And this leads to the next point. Let's say you forget about legal issues, because friendship and all that. If you're willing to put your friend before your kid, why do you even have that kid? It seems to me like you wouldn't go to the trouble of caring for him if your friend who takes care of himself is more important to you.