Coming Out As An Atheist

[Sami]

If you think this confirmation will affect the way you wish to live your life then respectfully explain to your parents that you refuse to go through with it because you don't believe in God, have no interesting in doing so and don't wish to take part in religious acts in the future.

If this is just a one off event that will have no bearing on the future then I'd just go through with it to make your family happy while remaining an infidel.

[blood_pardon]

Why do you call yourself a "strong atheist"? No one can prove Gods non-existance.

[Edwardo Piet]

Gods that logically contradict themselves by definition can't exist. Those that don't can't be proven not to exist.

[everythingafter]

I am 17 years old and I live in a very small, recently revolutionized country. I was born into a racial/cultural group (the same thing here, sadly) which is extremely conservative and down to earth. I am a male, and seeing as this is such a conservative culture the definition of being a "strong" male-figure is to
a) Financially provide for family (protocol has changed a lot over the years here. Women are now allowed tertiary education, but then the norm is to sit at home, raise kids etc.)
b) Protect the family using our manly superpowers
c) Be a Christian. Raise Christians. Marry a Christian. Of the same race.

Derp a derp a derp. You can see where this is going?

Don't you just love how the entire script of your life is played out for you before you are even born? This is something I could not ultimately come to grips with nor accept.

I started doing some soul searching about 3 years ago when I first doubted the existence of god, and whether or not my Christian god, is the right god. I read various philosophies, illegally acquired books around the subject (not proud of it, but I couldn't exactly buy them without parents knowing and the very vocalizing of your religious doubts are taboo here),

Hey, do what you've gotta do.

Should I tell my parents about my religious beliefs? It amuses me to see how they dodge past all my rituals I put in place to hint that I'm not Christian. I mean, I'm a published poet, and one of my poems (in print) handles about the absence of god and how religion is a bad influence. They ignored it completely, smiled and said "you really have a talent". I constantly make up excuses to miss church, and have told them I don't want to be confirmed (they believe that without confirmation I cannot get married or have children T_T).

I am prepared to, if they leave me in peace and stop forcing me into this confirmation, keep lying to my siblings, still take part in Christian traditions, lie to the aunts and uncles, and pray at gatherings if needs be. But I'm not sure if it's worth the obvious discomfort that will follow if I tell them - I mean to them it means that they failed as Christian parents and their son is going to hell. Should I just suck it up, lie to everyone, attend the camp, grit my teeth through it, lie at the interview, and then make a mockery of their biggest tradition of all? It's a tough decision, and whatever the outcome can be seen as selfishness from both parties.

What do I do? What did you do? I mean the situation is so bad here that schools who teach evolution also tell the kids that they themselves don't believe in it.

Other than the societal differences, this sounds fairly similar to my situation as a former believer. I remain an unbelieving member of a family absolutely steeped in the Christian tradition, and like you, my family thinks I'm headed for hell. I don't think telling your family about your unbelief is selfish on your part. Actually, it's lifting the veil of hypocrisy because by going through the rituals without actually believing it is disingenuous in my opinion. And this is the point that convinced me that coming out was the right decision.

I can't tell you what to do in your own instance, but I can say that I feel much better since coming out to my family. Now, that's not to say it wasn't hard. It was very difficult, especially the first time I saw my family after coming out (I did it in writing). It may be almost unbearably difficult at first since certain members of your family may approach you on the matter and try to convince you to "turn to God" or "don't give up on God" or whatever. Your family may have a hard time swallowing the news, may say you have been mislead, may think you are temporarily delusional and may think you will eventually come back to the fold.

I feel for you and really do empathize. Take comfort in the fact that many others on these forums have faced or currently face similar situations.

[Minimalist]

Why do you call yourself a "strong atheist"? No one can prove Gods non-existance.

Just remember that you can't prove that he does.

[downbeatplumb]

Why do you call yourself a "strong atheist"? No one can prove Gods non-existance.

He can strongly NOT believe in non-existant things can't he. I strongly do not believe in unicorns, santa, pixies, gnomes.............

No one has proved definitively that none of these things dont exist.( I've heard a few things about santa but that could just be a asantaist propaganda), But I'm confident that they dont, same for the diety of your choice.

If you have good evidence to the contrary then maybe I'll alter my position, but I'm betting that you dont.

[theVOID]

Yeah I hear what you are saying. Plan is to leave the family anyway after about two years and then study abroad.

I'm from South Africa (elephants in streets, lions as pets etc) but parents are planning to move to Australia end of next year. Then I'm planning on taking a break from studies and explore the world a bit for a year, and then I'll try to maneuver my way into UK some how.

Hail Springbok! I'm a kiwi, so I always like South Africans, especially when they're in competition with those menacing Australian fools!

As for your parents, do you think they will take this too seriously? Is it likely to do anything but make them sad and hurt their feelings a bit? If not then i say tell them, they're not going to do anything primitive and kick you to the curb, so while they may take a while to adjust they will eventually accept it.

If you don't see that happening then i wouldn't tell them until you're a bonafied independent adult.