RE: Is it normal be a hetro-sexual and having no relationship experience?
March 10, 2018 at 7:43 am
(March 9, 2018 at 10:08 pm)Shell B Wrote:(March 9, 2018 at 2:23 pm)The Industrial Atheist Wrote: It's not average. But I can relate to you in some ways and I don't think it's messed up. I'm 37 and always been single. Often not by choice. I have schizoaffective disorder and have always felt kind of alienated. That, med side effects, and physical health issues have kept me from doing anything more than try to work. When I was religious, I felt like it would be wrong to be in a relationship because i knew I could never provide for a family. Now it's the worry that they won't want me because I don't work, and that, even if I found someone who did, they wouldn't really respect me and certainly the people around them wouldn't. I've seen women I know badmouth guys for not working. Granted in all these situations, both parties seemed to have lots of issues. But what they focused on the most was the guy not working.
I'd like to get out there and meet people(for friends too), and thought about maybe going to a coffeehouse or something, and maybe when I can get a ride I will. The public transportation here that I can actually afford is terrible, In my experience. They have failed to show up altogether, and when I did temp work at Goodwill they failed to pick me up for the return ride. I can't afford uber, or the better local transportation, or at least it would be a huge chunk of my available cash.
Thing is I don't know if I can even really just go up to people in a coffeehouse and say " Do you mind if I sit here?" Female or Male. Honestly I think my chances of getting a girlfriend if I try are slim. Better if I can work part time, but still slim even in that case.
It would be hard to do in the face of behaviors that have developed through evolution and traditional gender roles.
I see no point in using a dating site. If I don't have a job, I'm completely out of the running. It's easy to just run down the list of things. If I can get a shitty, menial job maybe I have some slight chance but not a good one.
Anyways if somebody did like me, I have no reliable way to get to them and back. This area sucks ass!
I've always felt like whether a partner works or not is subjectively good or bad. Some people don't care. Some people care a lot. I know that if Tibs couldn't work, things would be hard, but I'd try to make the most of it. I had to take a year off work once while I was married to my first husband. During that time, I took care of his son, cleaned the house, did the cooking, laundry, shopping, etc. He never paid for a damn thing for me because I had savings, insurance and help. In spite of his often going without work or just leaving jobs for no reason, he acted as if this was all of a sudden THE problem with our marriage. We were on our way out years before that. What I'm saying is, I understand your insecurity about it. People will use it as an excuse to treat you like shit. Having OCD and panic disorder, I often worry that I won't be able to work too. In fact, it's one of my main "themes," so I often suffer guilt that I'm not working at normal times not to work (Christmas, weekends, etc.). However, not being able to work doesn't make you a useless part of a relationship. I feel like if you put yourself out there as who you are (maybe a dating website profile) and be totally honest, people who don't mind will come, even if it takes awhile. People can contribute financially to relationships in many ways. Couponing and cooking cheap meals at home to save money are just some ideas. Trust me. Jobless and worthless are not synonyms.
Thank you very much Shell B. I'm sorry you went through that. Kudo's to you for being so responsible to have savings to help cover your costs. I have tried Tinder as someone suggested it to me and I have seen studies online that most of the women aren't just looking for hookups as it's reputed to be like. In about a month or two I got 0 likes. Maybe that specifically was a very bad idea as all the focus is on looks. Unfortunately online dating here at all can be hard as it's a low population area and there often aren't that many local women. Maybe I will try online dating again. But it doesn't seem like it will work in my favor. I have more options, but so do the women.
Except guys do the pursuing so they could be getting many messages per day from many guys.
IDK about totally honest though. I mean if I don't put anything for a job that's one thing (if I made something up I'd be lying) One of the rules about having a psychotic disorder is, you don't disclose. People in general are not well informed and tend to be very prejudiced.
As far as living together and contributing, I'm antsy about the idea of moving in with someone. I'm not entirely sure how it would affect my SSI benefits. I think first I want to live independently for at least a year or two by myself before I even think about it. I want to know what it's like to live by my own rules.
