[Serious] Comfort in Faith at Death

[mordant]

Please do not misunderstand, I'm not trying to say derogatory things about your brother just have a statement to make. 
If your brother was part of IFCA then he did not take seriously the doctrine taught, the doctrine says that Christ alone saves through the atonement of our sins because of His shed blood and death, not what we have done or are currently doing. We are human and will make mistakes (ie. sin), if any of us could be sinless then Jesus would not have had to sacrifice His life for us. Some churches within a denomination will try and scare people into believing and it's ridiculous. I believe they do so because they lean on their understanding of the scriptures instead of leaning on God.

GC

My brother understood the doctrine -- he was a church elder after all -- but that didn't help with his subjective feelings of guilt, exacerbated by what he could only perceive to be a punishment handed down from a god who could have rewarded him rather than punish him with a tumor the size of a watermelon growing out the side of his leg.

The reality of course is that things like my brother's cancer happen independent of one's conduct or [un]worthiness because lived experience is pretty much what you'd expect if no one's directing outcomes in your life -- in your favor, or otherwise. Also what you'd expect if prayer doesn't "change things".

I could only tell my brother, you're asking "why" questions of the wrong person. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, and that is the case here. But I couldn't reach him. He could not explain aggressive cancer out of nowhere just a year into his well-earned retirement, the knowledge that his wife was about to become a widow, in any other way. If a person can be in church leadership and walking the straight and narrow for over four decades and not have a better take-away than that, then something is lacking in the dogma, I'd say. This is a guy who had daily devotions and prayed over every decision, and he felt kicked to the curb like some detested cur. And I can't say that I blame him. This is the one time he really, really needed god in his corner. And to be honest, situations like this are where god can really demonstrate his faithfulness to his people. And yet, stuff like this goes down, just like it randomly does for anyone. Not much of a value proposition there.

My brother was the very picture of a simple, good, earnest man of faith with complete trust in his god. I am fortunate that I do not believe in his god, as if I did, I'd have to be rather put out with him, to say the least.

[Godscreated]

Please do not misunderstand, I'm not trying to say derogatory things about your brother just have a statement to make. 
If your brother was part of IFCA then he did not take seriously the doctrine taught, the doctrine says that Christ alone saves through the atonement of our sins because of His shed blood and death, not what we have done or are currently doing. We are human and will make mistakes (ie. sin), if any of us could be sinless then Jesus would not have had to sacrifice His life for us. Some churches within a denomination will try and scare people into believing and it's ridiculous. I believe they do so because they lean on their understanding of the scriptures instead of leaning on God.

GC

My brother understood the doctrine -- he was a church elder after all -- but that didn't help with his subjective feelings of guilt, exacerbated by what he could only perceive to be a punishment handed down from a god who could have rewarded him rather than punish him with a tumor the size of a watermelon growing out the side of his leg.

The reality of course is that things like my brother's cancer happen independent of one's conduct or [un]worthiness because lived experience is pretty much what you'd expect if no one's directing outcomes in your life -- in your favor, or otherwise. Also what you'd expect if prayer doesn't "change things".

I could only tell my brother, you're asking "why" questions of the wrong person. Bad things sometimes happen to good people, and that is the case here. But I couldn't reach him. He could not explain aggressive cancer out of nowhere just a year into his well-earned retirement, the knowledge that his wife was about to become a widow, in any other way. If a person can be in church leadership and walking the straight and narrow for over four decades and not have a better take-away than that, then something is lacking in the dogma, I'd say. This is a guy who had daily devotions and prayed over every decision, and he felt kicked to the curb like some detested cur. And I can't say that I blame him. This is the one time he really, really needed god in his corner. And to be honest, situations like this are where god can really demonstrate his faithfulness to his people. And yet, stuff like this goes down, just like it randomly does for anyone. Not much of a value proposition there.

My brother was the very picture of a simple, good, earnest man of faith with complete trust in his god. I am fortunate that I do not believe in his god, as if I did, I'd have to be rather put out with him, to say the least.

 I'm really sorry that things turned out the way they did, I feel for you and the family. The only thing I can say is God doesn't play favorites, like you said things happen to the good and the bad equally, sickness that takes life and good health that continues life a little longer. In the scriptures God says He makes it rain (positive action) on the bad as well as the good and the sun shines upon both sets of people. Why God doesn't heal some and He does others is His decision, remember God owes us nothing. What we receive from Him is through a thing called grace (unmerited love), that is we can not earn God's favor none of us, Christian and atheist alike. God was there for your brother in a way it seems you missed and so may he, you did because you do not believe and he could have because his faith in God's purpose was not strong during this time. He now knows the answer to why and I hope someday you will, too. You probably do not want to hear this but I'm saying it anyway, I will pray for his family including yourself.

GC

[Catholic_Lady]

I can't see that it makes a lot of difference is the comfort is real or imagined - comfort is comfort.  I don't view religious comfort at death or at other times of great stress to be some sort of balance sheet with the rest of theism.  If someone is able to die peacefully due to their faith, all well and good.

Probably the most significant event in my life was the death of my father.  He was an atheist who died peacefully, but I was hammered by friends and relatives offering me religious comfort (it was well know how close I was to Da).  It infuriated me - not because I thought religious comfort was foolish or useless, but because I wasn't able to avail myself of it.

Boru

I find myself jealous and angry at a lot of things right now. I wish I believed all the Heaven bullshit we're tossing around. I hate really old people because my mom's only 61, as of today, and she can't even eat, drink and barely is speaking. I'm annoyed at my cousins, because my mother is the first of eleven children to die, and I think it ought to have been one of the older ones first. I hate some of my aunts and uncles for the same reason. I'm definitely a jealous and angry person. C'est la vie.

I am so sorry to learn about your mother. It's hard to imagine the pain of losing my parents, though I know it's inevitable and something I will have to deal with at some point (unless I go first I guess).

Anyway, I just wanted to say I can relate so much to this anger and jealousy you speak of. When I had my baby loss and was battling infertility for years after, I couldn't help but feel anger at everyone I knew who had young children or was pregnant. Doesnt matter who they were - close friends, family... as much as I loved them, I just felt such an irrational anger and bitterness towards them. I distanced myself from so many people during that time.

I hope you don't feel guilty for it, or think of yourself as less of a decent person for feeling that way. Intense pain and PTSD can bring such unwanted, intense emotions out of us, and unfortunately feelings themselves arent something that we can control. It's been hard to make peace with how I felt during those years, and how I isolated myself from so many people because of it - but I'm trying to be kind to myself. I hope you are too.