Random Humorous Things - A Light-Hearted Thread

[Dave B]

Been excavating in the archives:

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. 

The new element, tentatively named Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that it has an atomic number 0 and falls outside the natural table of elements. However, it has been found to have a single Higgs, 25 Personal Assistants to the Higgs, 75 Vice-Higgs and 111 Assistant Vice-Higgs. These 212 particles are held together by a force involving the continuous exchange of meson-like ideas, called memos, and muon like instructions called emails. 

Because it has no protons or electrons, Administratium is inert. Nonetheless, it can be detected in that it seems to cause agitation in all the other elements. A small amount of Administratium can propagate a single event that can reverberate around the entire universe for many years. There may be occasional weak interaction with theoretical particles that are difficult to define or quantify, temporarily called consultants.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years. It does not actually decay, rather it undergoes a reorganisation in which the Vice Higgs, and certain assistants to the Vice-Higgs exchange places; some Vice-Higgs may even be emitted. Some studies have indicated that its mass actually increases after each reorganization, despite the emission of Vice-Higgs, although this is yet to be explained. Another phenomenon which has been observed, as expected from the mechanics of minute particles, is that the more one tries to pin down the positions of Vice Higgs within the structure of Administratium, the more uncertain those positions become. This is known as the Responsibility Uncertainty Principle.

Within a short time of the discovery being announced, the existence of the element was confirmed in laboratories around the world. In addition, a team at the University of Utter told a press conference they had been able to create Administratium in fusion experiments conducted at room temperature. Using highly sophisticated probability detectors, the team had detected a stream of memos from a fax-mounted device. Dr May Bee and her associate, Dr Noah Chance, said the details of their experiment were being kept confidential, pending further development of the data. But, they claimed, there were definitely more memos out of the device than went in!

[Fake Messiah]

Meanwhile in Australia

[Ravenshire]

Found this whilst rummaging about the 'net:

[Dave B]

What has four letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

[pocaracas]

What has four letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

True story!

[Fireball]

How long is a Chinese man's name

[Dave B]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a blind clown fish to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Boru

[Haipule]

Apparently, Adam and Eve were Irish.

From the Gaelic bible in McGenesis 1:

Adam first looked upon Eve and said, "O'Hare!"
Eve looked upon Adam and said, "O'Toole!"

[vorlon13]