Random Humorous Things - A Light-Hearted Thread

[arewethereyet]

Fuck. We’ll NEVER get to the zombie apocalypse if this shit keeps happening.



Boru

Reminds me of a remark my grandmother made that caught me off guard..."There are people dying haven't ever died before."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

And this one:



Boru

[vulcanlogician]

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Boru

[ignoramus]

Just bought this pork at Aldi just now.



Who's "coming over" for dinner!

[brewer]

Just bought this pork at Aldi just now.



Who's "coming over" for dinner!

Depends on how your wife's going to cook it and if I can watch.

[ignoramus]

She may do it with a white sauce?

(I think I'll just go to McDonalds just personally)

[brewer]

She may do it with a white sauce?

(I think I'll just go to McDonalds just personally)

McMuffin euphemisms in my head.

[The Valkyrie]

[ignoramus]

We sacked the unvaxxed, we sacked them from Coles
I guess they’re all dead now? May God rest their souls
We sacked them all over, but don’t call us bullies
They simply were NOT fit to stack shelves at Woollies!
That leaves only workers who’ve been double-vaxxed
Surely now every workplace is safe and relaxed?
Why are there no workers to stock up our shelves?
They’re too busy stopping to RAT test themselves!
The RAT is the test that will end all this sickness
(It’s like PCR but much better for quickness)
The Omicron outbreak is steadily growing
You feel well when you get it, there’s no way of knowing
Except for the RAT test, our key to salvation
This year, they’re the only hope for our nation
How many more RAT tests to keep us alive?
25 million times three-sixty-five!
You may feel quite well, first thing in the morning
You feel great! You get up, still stretching and yawning..
STOP! This feeling of health may be some kind of trick!
Deep down inside you could really be sick
“No symptoms” is one of the symptoms you see
Best do a couple of RAT tests, or three
Oh no! 2 lines have come up on the test!
Better lie down and have 7 days rest
What if you went in to work, feeling well
And condemned someone else to this symptomless hell!?
Meanwhile your children are heading back to school
With no risk from COVID, but don’t be a fool -
Double-vaxx them, RAT test them, and send them off happy
To a school (with no teacher), in a little face-nappy.
.........
(Thank you, wise cat, for this rhyming polemic!
But REALLY, how to end this pandemic?
With our pollies distracted by Serb tennis-players
Stop joking around, please ADVISE us taxpayers!)
...........
The Cat smiled politely, and gave a sly wink
“It’s really quite easy, not as hard as you’d think…
If you wake up and feel well, then head off to work
If you feel sick then stay home; don’t be a jerk!
Stay well hydrated, and have a nice rest
(Do not go out driving to find a RAT test!)
Don’t bother the doctor with sore throats and sneezes
But look out for high fevers and deep chesty wheezes
If you’re older, co-morbid or on your last yelp
That’s when to summon some medical help
Stay calm and don’t panic, the virus has weakened
In a few weeks we will see the pandemic has peakened
Whether unvaxxed, or triple, we all end up immune
At the rate that we’re going, this will happen soon
Just use common sense, and I’m sure that we’ll see
We will get back to normal …. in 2023!”