Random Humorous Things - A Light-Hearted Thread

[Nine]

All I know is he calls people 'cheeky scrublords' like a pro.

[Cyberman]

[Cyberman]

[Diablo]

[Mystical]

http://m.nydailynews.com/new-york/brookl...-1.1889292

I can't stop laughing.. I know its serious but ...

The police arrested Stewart and charged her with “assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, acting in a manner injurious to a child and criminal possession of a weapon.” They also charged her eldest daughter, Diamond (20) with “resisting arrest, acting in a manner injurious to a child and criminal possession of a weapon. And they arrested Stewart’s son, Kirkland (24) and charged him with resisting arrest. They even arrested the 12-year-old and charged her with “assaulting a police officer, criminal mischief and criminal possession of a weapon.”

The family accused the police of pepper spraying Diamond Stewart’s four-year-old son during the confrontation.

[CindysRain]

[Losty]

Wtf nooo *Losty runs away weeping*

[Mystical]

On the flip side, during the Las presidential election I got to go to bed the night before completely content because all I had to do was go to Fox news and see the pallid looks on their Botox lifted faces to know the outcome.

[Cyberman]

[Losty]

Vosur sent these over skype the other day.
The vegetable one...it kills me every time. I actually had to mute my mic because I was laughing so hard I was crying and I couldn't breathe.


*Warning* do not open if you're easily offended. This is sexual, but you already knew that because I mean, come on, this is Losty.

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bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.


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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an s**t?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. B**ch.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

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