Black Pill Dating Theory?

[paulpablo]

Yes, that matches what I found too. The truth, obvious though it is, is expressed and discussed with hyperbole and rhetoric often bordering on the comic or the crazy.

There's some good explanations for this, I think. Mostly these are new and online communities, and thus dominated by younger people. And in my experience younger people tend to be more dramatic and exaggerated and more emotional. Online communication also lends itself to hyperbole and dark humour and trolling, and so many truly outrageous things can be said.
Also, there's a lot of very genuine hurt, emotion, and mental illness tied up with being unattractive, being bullied, being rejected, lonely, touch starved, or sexually frustrated. Especially for young men who are in a society which portrays losing virginity and sexual validation as one of the most important things in life, and a key marker of masculinity and success. And there's also a fair few in such communities who are neurodiverse and whose communication skills and social assessments may be skewed.

This is a very eloquent way of describing it. I was going to say it's basically because the community is full of crazy, hormonal, teenage, virgins.

That's not to say I don't empathise with people like that, I'm socially awkward and feel lonely often, I was probably only a few steps away from being a true psycho incel myself.

That's probably why I became so fascinated with the whole thing.

[FrustratedFool]

@Belacqua

Agreed.

What is perhaps equally tragic, in some respects, to the genuinely physically unattractive people ('truecels' as they're semingly called by such groups), is that many of the angry, lonely young people (nearly always men) in such groups are by their own admission not truly short/fat/ugly, but rather admit to just being really bad at social skills, or lacking confidence, or being neurodiverse (this group seems to get labelled 'mentalcels').

There seems to be two types of people here then: those who are physically unattractive and those who are socially awkward, both of whom struggle with dating but for quite different reasons. I also expect that people from each group incorrectly identify their problem as the other - so a lot of BPers who blame their loneliness on ugliness aren't actually ugly but are socially inept, and a lot of Red Pillers are trying to improve their 'game' and status whilst their real issue is that they're 5'3 with no chin. Of course, there's going to be a decent number who are in both categories - the classic stereotype of the short, very overweight, ungroomed, socially inept, autistic incel.

Most tragic of all, though, in my opinion is that the real suffering and mental health issues present in socially and sexually rejected young people is often just seen as something blameworthy or amusing or disgusting, and they are treated with disdain or fear - which no doubt further fuels some of them to become violent, sexist, angry and bitter. But that's maybe a whole separate issue - the what can we do to help loneliness amongst people who are truly unattractive or socially maladjusted question.

[FrustratedFool]

@paulpablo

I think most who engage with such content and issues likely do so from similar motives. I am too old to have been part of these communities, but if the internet had existed when I was a teen I may well have be drawn into them. But I spent my younger years bullied and rejected for my looks, and loneliness and body dysmorphia and trauma has been a constant companion throughout my life (it was a large part of many dramatic things in my life - addiction, religion, caedsexuality, erasgender, sexual fluidity, objectum relationships, a highly toxic marriage, and much more). My lived experience has reinforced the importance of looks to me in quite a brutal fashion.

[h4ym4n]

I'm an ugly fat fuck and I never get laid at all, haven't had sex in years.

Sounds like you were a hoot in your previous life.


Karma is a bitch.

[Ahriman]

I'm an ugly fat fuck and I never get laid at all, haven't had sex in years.

Sounds like you were a hoot in your previous life.


Karma is a bitch.

You're perfect, right?

[h4ym4n]

Sounds like you were a hoot in your previous life.


Karma is a bitch.

You're perfect, right?

Compared to you?


Have you ever given out you age?

[FrustratedFool]

It's bickering on the internet that makes my gussy moist.

But maybe I should tame my urges a little, and ask whether anyone here thinks that looks aren't the single most important factor in dating?

I tend to think they are, though I think other things are also important - so I see looks as a necessary but not sufficient condition. But I realise I'm quite biased in that regard. Others may see it differently.

[Ahriman]

Sexual prowess plays a big part as well.

[arewethereyet]

A little aside, but related.

Back in the late 70s before incel was a thing, I met a guy who would probably be considered an incel now but with a twist.

My oldest child's father was one of the best looking guys in the town I moved to in my late teens. I was mesmerized by him. On top of being gorgeous, he was smart, and funny, and a good dancer (LOL). His first real relationship was with a young woman who was cute as could be...tiny, long brown hair, big brown eyes, and also quite fun to be around. He had, by the time I moved to town, married a Farrah Fawcett lookalike who was the life of any party. Through all this he was far from monogamous. He was a hot commodity. I knew I was punching above my weight but approached him when his marriage looked to be falling apart...and he was interested.

I should have known better but damn, damn, damn....it was fun while it lasted.

During the time I was seeing him a guy from there came back from a short stint in the military. I hadn't known him before. He was less attractive than the guy I was seeing and his personality left a lot to be desired. He seemed to have one mission in life and that was to sleep with the same women that the guy I was seeing had had relationships with. He tried to get with the tiny woman and she shut him down pretty quickly. He would show up at Farrah 2.0's house and try to sleep with her. When neither of those worked he came after me. Very stalkish, very creepy. One night he started to scream at me in front of a club where we were all partying - Is he a better man than I am? Then named my last boyfriend and screamed - Is he a better man than I am? This sort of confrontation didn't happen once but a few times till some guys stepped in and urged him to stop it.

It was so weird. He seemed to think he had the 'right' to sleep with the same women that my guy had slept with. The thought of him still creeps me out.

[FrustratedFool]

That's one hell of a story! And certainly weird behaviour. I wonder what his story was there? Why that guy in particular? Maybe a lifelong rival or bully or something.

Yes, I think that could be interpreted as highlighting the dream, and jealous indignation, of many: to be as desired and have the same dating success as better looking people.

Most just inwardly seethe, but maybe some vocalise their dissatisfaction at the unfairness of life - how some can have their deepest needs met in abundance whilst others live in emotional turmoil all because of a roll of the genetic dice. I imagine many do the same with intelligence, wealth, health and ability as well as looks. It's just that sexual and romantic success probably strikes at a more raw nerve and deeper need than most other things.

I sympathise with their pain and rage. I don't excuse their negative reactive behaviour. Life is all luck, and that sucks.