(October 3, 2016 at 8:55 pm)Jesster Wrote:

(October 3, 2016 at 8:48 pm)InquiringMind Wrote: This is really what I'm asking here.  If everyone knows that this narrative is garbage, why do people continue to perpetuate it?

Honestly, I don't think everyone does know that it is garbage. It's a vicious cycle of supply and demand. Sources like Disney and romance fiction make the product because it sells and people buy it because the authors keep telling them that it's missing from their lives. The less experienced you are in the world, the more you believe it all. While I enjoy a good romance story, I'm just glad that I realize it's not real and it never will be. It's like porn. Watch it, but don't expect it to show up in your bedroom. I guess some people don't understand that.

My hypothesis in my original post was that the idealization of romantic love is part of an immortality project, or the "romantic solution" to the problem of mortality.  I don't think it's something that a person just grows out of.  Some people get married 3 or 4 times or more, and after each divorce, they begin anew the search for "the one," having told themselves that the person they just divorced must not have been "the one."  

And I don't think it's all commercial, either.  I think this narrative is perpetuated friend-to-friend ("Don't worry, you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated") without any money changin hands.

Imagine a friend who comes to you in your most desperate hour and says,  "Give up, you're unlovable and deserve everything that;s ever been done to you, there's no one out there for you and no one out there who wants you. You will never find love, you will never find a partner again."

I think that the point of the friend, in that instance..is comfort rather than accuracy. Lower your expectations.

The solution seems simple to me. If you fall in love with someone, don't start a relationship with them. Just enjoy the feeling if you can have them in your life some other way. Have relationships for sex, not for love. That way you can never become disappointed or disillusioned, or, worse, heart broken.

You know, my wife and I never really set out to start a relationship with each other.

She was winging for a friend at a bar.  Her friend scoped me out, she swooped in and totally cock blocked her friend.  I was so drunk I couldn't have picked her out of a lineup the next morning.  I took her out to a couple of hidden spots in the estuary, goaded her into breaking a few laws with me, she carted me to her place (it;s not like I could have walked there, lol).  That was the night we met...and we haven;t spent a night apart from each other as a couple since.  We'd been living together and had a child with each other before we ever got married.  That too, a convenience, we werent setting out to have a relationship, we already had one, from the first moment, and from that moment to this moment and every moment in-between.

I don't know if she's Miss Right, but she's been Miss Right Now for so long I'm, not sure there's a difference, lol.  On a related note, it would have been awesome if my last name was right, then I could claim she was Miss Right, and Mrs Right.  So, QED< right?.....Right!

Thanks for the responses. I wasn't really looking for "relationship advice" because you all probably don't know me well enough to be able to offer advice for my particular situation. I was hoping to discuss some larger philosophy of relationships, though this does have application to me.

(October 4, 2016 at 1:06 pm)Rhythm Wrote: You know, my wife and I never really set out to start a relationship with each other.

She was winging for a friend at a bar.  Her friend scoped me out, she swooped in and totally cock blocked her friend.  I was so drunk I couldn't have picked her out of a lineup the next morning.  I took her out to a couple of hidden spots in the estuary, goaded her into breaking a few laws with me, she carted me to her place (it;s not like I could have walked there, lol).  That was the night we met...and we haven;t spent a night apart from each other as a couple since.  We'd been living together and had a child with each other before we ever got married.  That too, a convenience, we werent setting out to have a relationship, we already had one, from the first moment, and from that moment to this moment and every moment in-between.

I don't know if she's Miss Right, but she's been Miss Right Now for so long I'm, not sure there's a difference, lol.  On a related note, it would have been awesome if my last name was right, then I could claim she was Miss Right, and Mrs Right.  So, QED< right?.....Right!

Awesome

(October 3, 2016 at 2:12 pm)ChadWooters Wrote: My wife and I have been married for more than 25 years. People change. The only question, is whether a couple decides if they will grow together or grow apart.

^^^^

This is my take on it as well.

Another factor the OP doesn't seem to have considered is our flawed humanity. We make.mistakes which hurt our lovers unintentionally, or surrender to weaknesses which hurt our lovers, or ...

I've never really longed for immortality, but I'd sure love to have a life-long love. Doesn't seem to be in the cards for me, though.

(October 5, 2016 at 12:15 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: I've never really longed for immortality, but I'd sure love to have a life-long love. Doesn't seem to be in the cards for me, though.

Nonsense. 
You can build stuff, cook, write songs, have facial hair, AND play the guitar. 

Somebody'll snatch you up, guaranteed.

(October 5, 2016 at 2:42 pm)Thena323 Wrote:

(October 5, 2016 at 12:15 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: I've never really longed for immortality, but I'd sure love to have a life-long love. Doesn't seem to be in the cards for me, though.

Nonsense. 
You can build stuff, cook, write songs, have facial hair, AND play the guitar. 

Somebody'll snatch you up, guaranteed.

Thanks for the kind words, but it doesn't seem to be working so far ...

(October 3, 2016 at 6:48 pm)ChadWooters Wrote:

(October 3, 2016 at 5:16 pm)Whateverist Wrote: If it isn't prying too much into your personal life, I wonder if your wife predates your xtian conversion from atheism or possibly even your original 'fall' from faith that preceded it?

I was an atheist at the time we married.

That is interesting.  Was she as well?  How has she adapted to your change of faith?