I have shared many times that a 'christian'/one with the gift of the Holy Spirit can be in direct commune with God. This is a very real thing... Then there are days where I can truly empathize with most of you as the heavens close up and it is as silent as if God is not there. For those days (trial days) I go back to some of the things I experienced with God and I check myself spiritually speaking to try and determine if 'sin' is what is keeping me from God. If not or nothing that I can determine then I know I'm still on course, and God is with me. That I need only trust the "house" I built (the parable of the wise and foolish builder's house) and allow the winds and the rain to come down.
I say this because I am right at the moment going through some heavy wind and rain and I can't hear God over it all. Then I started to think about you d-bags just starting out. This can be devastating if you did not have the same past/resources I had in the past. So I decided to try something different. meaning rather than debate an issue I want to share or show you the process.
For that some back ground:
when I was 17 senior in high school my dad pulled me out of class towards the end of the year like at 10am. (Never did anything this before) I knew I was in it deep, because he said "we'd talk outside" when I asked what was going on.
Got outside and he loaded a canoe in his truck. (all I could think about was the fredo's death scene) long story short we went out to our favorite river and paddled down it to a small cabin in the middle of the woods. He basically told me my dreams of being an astronaut were not realistic (the literacy thing) so basically the money he saved for my 'schooling would be wasted if I tried to go to college. He said he could put me through votech school on some grants instead. Why? to buy that small cabin in the woods on a 1 acre lot.
I said yes! I would love to own a cabin in the woods on a river!!. He told me my school money would be just a down payment. that there would be 20 more years of payments.... Which meant I had to get and keep a job right away. I agreed. but by the time we made our offer it was sold. so my dad looked and just around the corner on a little lake was a 10 acre spot much bigger much nicer in everyway just no flowing water, and it was undeveloped. Long story short from the spring of 93 I had 15 years of 338.38 per month to Robert e Maxwell (the land owner) plus my "school" money for a down payment. As I was only 17 at the time the land went into my dad's name and was supposed to be split between us legally once paid. (Said he did not want me getting bored 1/2 way though and still get 1/2 the land)
So around 04 the housing market began it's bubble in that area, and land value quadrupled.. and wouldn't you know it the land was still in my dad's name. this was also the time I was really coming into my 'stride' with the Holy Spirit, and received direction daily. My dad turned hard from me and the work I was doing. He held my/our land out as ransom and told me to pick one (Wasn't just God but what I was doing for Him/Helping someone else) I chose God. He put the land up for sale. And that was the last thing that I said to him for 8 years. I was told he pulled an equity mortgage out on the land and he began to build a house on it in our quit time from each other. then I heard he spent the money on some get rich quick deal and it was all gone and he wasn't going to be able to make the payments so I just let it all go in my mind.
so around 2011/2012 started making amends with him (He changed) and from direction with God was able to forgive.. So now over the last 4 or so years been spending Saturdays with him. Then over the summer I saw the little cabin that started all of this come up for sale again. So I took him to it. we walked around it, and it was falling apart at the seams. we started talking and out of the blue he said stop at a office max, and he came out with a quick claim deed. a document that allows him to sign over land without any money being exchanged.
Turns out none of the family rumors were true, he never borrowed anything against the land. So instead of me buying that old cabin on the river he gave me my and his share. that was in august last year. in October we contracted a builder, month later the lender said we have to sell our current home, put it on the market, got an offer the first day for full price, but held out and took a smaller offer from a guy who was coming out of a one bed room with 3 kids a wife and mother inlaw. (Ours was a 3 bed 2 bath) So then wifie and I moved into a 5th wheel camper that we almost stole from the auto auction. (lord was with us that day, for our camper budget we got a massive 36 foot 5th wheel with 4 slides full fridge washer and dryer AND had money left over to buy my favorite diesel dually all for what we budgeted just for the camper! That was truly a God was with me day. I saw thing that prevented me from bidding on something we could afford but would have wiped us out, to God taking out our competition on the 5th was a perfect storm of buyers and equipment being eliminated, the right people wandering off at the wrong time and me being front and center bidding on a 5th wheel infront of a group of diesel pusher/class "A" RV dealers (People with absolutely no interest in the EXACT RV (if god could move heaven and earth to get me) THE one I wanted the MOST) for 2/3 of my budget. And we have been living in it since. (thankfully we got the bigger one because as nice as it was, any smaller and I think Trich would have cut my throat by now.) This among a couple of instances where I do 'pray/petition' God for crap I don't need is the reason I believe I can ask for anything if I am doing so for the right reasons.
but anyway by the first of the year they got their permits and impact and all of the county nonsense, tomorrow we are supposed to close on the builders loan. Problem is... We do not have the cash to close. we had the money in October was told it would take a while to get to closing. so we reinvested in inventory (refrigerated truck/vans). It's still cool out so most smaller stores and dinners are just wrapping their goods and using their car's A/C till it get too hot for all of that to work.
the real problem is, about a month ago the trials started. It began with the tight quarters in the 5th wheel. Nice but still not a house think 1 bed room apartment. another new thing I never experience. can't sleep in new RV without waking up in a night terror every two hours. (wake up in a panic and disorientated.)
bought a luxury car at the dealer auction, had a blown motor (selling dealer misrepresented the car was supposed to be perfect) the delivery company took so long to deliver the car the 10 day 'warranty' the auction provides expired. put in new very expensive motor wife drives it to new orleans and back and trans went out when she got back. put all of that back together literally Friday took it out to the mud hole Saturday with sister family and Parked the very expensive suv away from the mud, then someone knocked out all the glass and keyed it.. Didn't take anything, just a message to us 'city folk'. 10,000 worth of glass and 1/2 a alpine white paint job is what we will need to put it back together. that happened Saturday night.
Now again on top of that we have our regular bills, 7 reefer trucks, 5 commitments to buy, but no one is buying anything. a couple of those commitments to buy are over a month old. What is more than scary is that month or so of silence seems all the more deafening. No direction no guilty conscience for doing something wrong, just woke up without the reassurance God was with me. It's like missing my bolder 1/2
So now what do I do facing a literal tomorrow dead line for my construction loan closing?
1)we continue to pray and seek God. That is how I know you guys who say the A/S/K haven't. Because even after I found God I have not stopped seeking. no one who has found God would ever think about stop seeking Him. Again something is missing from me. I need to find it so then I seek. let alone try it one and go one to say you followed the example in Luke 11.
2)I check for outstanding sin. I look at everything in this given venture (which is why I started this in 1992-3ish) and drag out all the old family skeletons. I look at this deal to see if at any point I did something wrong to put myself here. Did I through any sin known or not at the time force myself into a position where I am now able to build on this land. For me here the answer is no. I did not take guilt or force this land back from my father even though it was due me. I reconciled and even forgot about all that it cost me (basically my twenties) and even after I reconciled it never came up. again 5 or 6 years later out of the blue he singed the land back over. He apologized and said he should had done this a long time ago. even looked at how I was funding this whole project, to make sure nothing was holding me sin wise there. As my wife to look as a mentor to look as far as anyone can tell including an open and honest self evaluation I could find nothing wrong there. So I tentetivley checked sin off the list as being the reason for God's silence.
3) Then now all that is left is the wind and the rain. Remember the parable of the wise and foolish builders. The wise man builds his house, faith, belief on the rock meaning a solid understanding of Jesus Christ/God the son. Then God the Father send the winds and the rain to test that house, that faith, that structure of belief. If the foundation or understanding is Good then your faith/belief will weather the storm. If however you have build you faith belief on a false idea or unbiblical principle of God then you faith will come down around you when God sends his storms.
That's where I am at a cat 5 storm parked off my door step and all I have to weather it is what I know God has done for me in the past. Meaning He would not have stepped up in the past if I were in the wrong. So now everything I believe and have preached here is being put to the test.
Even so I do not ask God to stop the storm I ask him to help me fix anything that may have been damaged in the storm. Why? Because I learned a long time ago that you go to God with an open hand because if you close it tightly around something it will hurt when God makes you let go, or he embitters that thing to the point where you hate it. So rather than ask God to stop the rain I ask God to help me survive it and when it is all over help me live with what has been taken away. In this case if God takes the land/house from us that in our hearts we freely let it go of it, even if this storm costs our business. Why? because it is better to hear and be with God with nothing, than to have everything and be without Him.
So in seeking direction I wanted to share what has been happening.. That said, I kid you not I put the period at the end of the first paragraph and one of the 'commit to buy' customers just put a closing date on the one truck we needed to sell!
I truly believe the rest will fall like dominoes, as we have need we will be given the funds. but we will see. I promise to post what happens this week good or bad as it happens.
I say this because I am right at the moment going through some heavy wind and rain and I can't hear God over it all. Then I started to think about you d-bags just starting out. This can be devastating if you did not have the same past/resources I had in the past. So I decided to try something different. meaning rather than debate an issue I want to share or show you the process.
For that some back ground:
when I was 17 senior in high school my dad pulled me out of class towards the end of the year like at 10am. (Never did anything this before) I knew I was in it deep, because he said "we'd talk outside" when I asked what was going on.
Got outside and he loaded a canoe in his truck. (all I could think about was the fredo's death scene) long story short we went out to our favorite river and paddled down it to a small cabin in the middle of the woods. He basically told me my dreams of being an astronaut were not realistic (the literacy thing) so basically the money he saved for my 'schooling would be wasted if I tried to go to college. He said he could put me through votech school on some grants instead. Why? to buy that small cabin in the woods on a 1 acre lot.
I said yes! I would love to own a cabin in the woods on a river!!. He told me my school money would be just a down payment. that there would be 20 more years of payments.... Which meant I had to get and keep a job right away. I agreed. but by the time we made our offer it was sold. so my dad looked and just around the corner on a little lake was a 10 acre spot much bigger much nicer in everyway just no flowing water, and it was undeveloped. Long story short from the spring of 93 I had 15 years of 338.38 per month to Robert e Maxwell (the land owner) plus my "school" money for a down payment. As I was only 17 at the time the land went into my dad's name and was supposed to be split between us legally once paid. (Said he did not want me getting bored 1/2 way though and still get 1/2 the land)
So around 04 the housing market began it's bubble in that area, and land value quadrupled.. and wouldn't you know it the land was still in my dad's name. this was also the time I was really coming into my 'stride' with the Holy Spirit, and received direction daily. My dad turned hard from me and the work I was doing. He held my/our land out as ransom and told me to pick one (Wasn't just God but what I was doing for Him/Helping someone else) I chose God. He put the land up for sale. And that was the last thing that I said to him for 8 years. I was told he pulled an equity mortgage out on the land and he began to build a house on it in our quit time from each other. then I heard he spent the money on some get rich quick deal and it was all gone and he wasn't going to be able to make the payments so I just let it all go in my mind.
so around 2011/2012 started making amends with him (He changed) and from direction with God was able to forgive.. So now over the last 4 or so years been spending Saturdays with him. Then over the summer I saw the little cabin that started all of this come up for sale again. So I took him to it. we walked around it, and it was falling apart at the seams. we started talking and out of the blue he said stop at a office max, and he came out with a quick claim deed. a document that allows him to sign over land without any money being exchanged.
Turns out none of the family rumors were true, he never borrowed anything against the land. So instead of me buying that old cabin on the river he gave me my and his share. that was in august last year. in October we contracted a builder, month later the lender said we have to sell our current home, put it on the market, got an offer the first day for full price, but held out and took a smaller offer from a guy who was coming out of a one bed room with 3 kids a wife and mother inlaw. (Ours was a 3 bed 2 bath) So then wifie and I moved into a 5th wheel camper that we almost stole from the auto auction. (lord was with us that day, for our camper budget we got a massive 36 foot 5th wheel with 4 slides full fridge washer and dryer AND had money left over to buy my favorite diesel dually all for what we budgeted just for the camper! That was truly a God was with me day. I saw thing that prevented me from bidding on something we could afford but would have wiped us out, to God taking out our competition on the 5th was a perfect storm of buyers and equipment being eliminated, the right people wandering off at the wrong time and me being front and center bidding on a 5th wheel infront of a group of diesel pusher/class "A" RV dealers (People with absolutely no interest in the EXACT RV (if god could move heaven and earth to get me) THE one I wanted the MOST) for 2/3 of my budget. And we have been living in it since. (thankfully we got the bigger one because as nice as it was, any smaller and I think Trich would have cut my throat by now.) This among a couple of instances where I do 'pray/petition' God for crap I don't need is the reason I believe I can ask for anything if I am doing so for the right reasons.
but anyway by the first of the year they got their permits and impact and all of the county nonsense, tomorrow we are supposed to close on the builders loan. Problem is... We do not have the cash to close. we had the money in October was told it would take a while to get to closing. so we reinvested in inventory (refrigerated truck/vans). It's still cool out so most smaller stores and dinners are just wrapping their goods and using their car's A/C till it get too hot for all of that to work.
the real problem is, about a month ago the trials started. It began with the tight quarters in the 5th wheel. Nice but still not a house think 1 bed room apartment. another new thing I never experience. can't sleep in new RV without waking up in a night terror every two hours. (wake up in a panic and disorientated.)
bought a luxury car at the dealer auction, had a blown motor (selling dealer misrepresented the car was supposed to be perfect) the delivery company took so long to deliver the car the 10 day 'warranty' the auction provides expired. put in new very expensive motor wife drives it to new orleans and back and trans went out when she got back. put all of that back together literally Friday took it out to the mud hole Saturday with sister family and Parked the very expensive suv away from the mud, then someone knocked out all the glass and keyed it.. Didn't take anything, just a message to us 'city folk'. 10,000 worth of glass and 1/2 a alpine white paint job is what we will need to put it back together. that happened Saturday night.
Now again on top of that we have our regular bills, 7 reefer trucks, 5 commitments to buy, but no one is buying anything. a couple of those commitments to buy are over a month old. What is more than scary is that month or so of silence seems all the more deafening. No direction no guilty conscience for doing something wrong, just woke up without the reassurance God was with me. It's like missing my bolder 1/2
So now what do I do facing a literal tomorrow dead line for my construction loan closing?
1)we continue to pray and seek God. That is how I know you guys who say the A/S/K haven't. Because even after I found God I have not stopped seeking. no one who has found God would ever think about stop seeking Him. Again something is missing from me. I need to find it so then I seek. let alone try it one and go one to say you followed the example in Luke 11.
2)I check for outstanding sin. I look at everything in this given venture (which is why I started this in 1992-3ish) and drag out all the old family skeletons. I look at this deal to see if at any point I did something wrong to put myself here. Did I through any sin known or not at the time force myself into a position where I am now able to build on this land. For me here the answer is no. I did not take guilt or force this land back from my father even though it was due me. I reconciled and even forgot about all that it cost me (basically my twenties) and even after I reconciled it never came up. again 5 or 6 years later out of the blue he singed the land back over. He apologized and said he should had done this a long time ago. even looked at how I was funding this whole project, to make sure nothing was holding me sin wise there. As my wife to look as a mentor to look as far as anyone can tell including an open and honest self evaluation I could find nothing wrong there. So I tentetivley checked sin off the list as being the reason for God's silence.
3) Then now all that is left is the wind and the rain. Remember the parable of the wise and foolish builders. The wise man builds his house, faith, belief on the rock meaning a solid understanding of Jesus Christ/God the son. Then God the Father send the winds and the rain to test that house, that faith, that structure of belief. If the foundation or understanding is Good then your faith/belief will weather the storm. If however you have build you faith belief on a false idea or unbiblical principle of God then you faith will come down around you when God sends his storms.
That's where I am at a cat 5 storm parked off my door step and all I have to weather it is what I know God has done for me in the past. Meaning He would not have stepped up in the past if I were in the wrong. So now everything I believe and have preached here is being put to the test.
Even so I do not ask God to stop the storm I ask him to help me fix anything that may have been damaged in the storm. Why? Because I learned a long time ago that you go to God with an open hand because if you close it tightly around something it will hurt when God makes you let go, or he embitters that thing to the point where you hate it. So rather than ask God to stop the rain I ask God to help me survive it and when it is all over help me live with what has been taken away. In this case if God takes the land/house from us that in our hearts we freely let it go of it, even if this storm costs our business. Why? because it is better to hear and be with God with nothing, than to have everything and be without Him.
So in seeking direction I wanted to share what has been happening.. That said, I kid you not I put the period at the end of the first paragraph and one of the 'commit to buy' customers just put a closing date on the one truck we needed to sell!
I truly believe the rest will fall like dominoes, as we have need we will be given the funds. but we will see. I promise to post what happens this week good or bad as it happens.
