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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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joke time
ignoramus Offline
wiggle wiggle
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#2881
RE: joke time
November 4, 2018 at 2:59 am
(November 3, 2018 at 3:39 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: What do you call the pink fleshy parts between a shark’s teeth?

Slow swimmers.

I'll have to agree considering I watched the Meg last night! 5/10 but fun anyway...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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Rhondazvous Offline
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#2882
RE: joke time
November 4, 2018 at 8:43 am
(November 3, 2018 at 6:46 am)Brian37 Wrote: I felt a lump in my dog's belly, the vet said it needed a dog scan.

Reminds me of this:
A man took his dog to the vet.
Vet: Sorry, but the dog is dead.
Man: No, my precious can’t be dead. I want a test.

So the vet whistled, and a cat came out and walked up and down from the dog’s nose to its tail and meowed.
Vet: Its dead
Man: No. I want another test.

So the vet whistled again, and a Labrador came out sniffed at the dog and barked twice.

Vet: That’s it. The dog is definitely dead. That will be $650/
Man: What: $650 just to t ell me my dog is dead?
Vet: No that would have been 50 bucks. The $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
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Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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Brian37 Offline
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#2883
RE: joke time
November 5, 2018 at 7:49 am
I always find it amusing when someone says "I'm new".

I cant help but think, "Pretty sure you are not. Babies don't pop out of their mothers speaking like adults."
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#2884
RE: joke time
November 5, 2018 at 9:28 am
(November 5, 2018 at 7:49 am)Brian37 Wrote: I always find it amusing when someone says "I'm new".

I cant help but think, "Pretty sure you are not. Babies don't pop out of their mothers speaking like adults."

Fella goes into his favourite restaurant and sits at his usual table. A waitress comes over to take his order and he says, ‘I don’t recognize you - are you a new girl?’

‘No,’ she answers. ‘I’ve been a girl my whole life.’

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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Cecelia Offline
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#2885
RE: joke time
November 6, 2018 at 10:03 pm (This post was last modified: November 6, 2018 at 10:03 pm by Cecelia.)
You know how I know I've been on this board too long?

I was playing Red Dead Redemption 2 just now, and I saved a guy from a bear trap. First thing he says is "Praise Jesus!" so my first reaction was to shoot him in the head.
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
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Fireball Offline
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#2886
RE: joke time
November 6, 2018 at 10:14 pm
(November 6, 2018 at 10:03 pm)Cecelia Wrote: You know how I know I've been on this board too long?

I was playing Red Dead Redemption 2 just now, and I saved a guy from a bear trap.  First thing he says is "Praise Jesus!"  so my first reaction was to shoot him in the head.

You wicked little thing. I like it! Tongue
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#2887
RE: joke time
November 7, 2018 at 3:29 am
I just read that the 80s band Dexy's Midnight Runners broke up after Dexy finally managed to come on Eileen.

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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Brian37 Offline
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#2888
RE: joke time
November 7, 2018 at 7:45 am
(November 7, 2018 at 3:29 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: I just read that the 80s band Dexy's Midnight Runners broke up after Dexy finally managed to come on Eileen.

She wasn't too happy about that. Some women find it too sticky and slimy.
Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37  I also have a new blog here at https://www.brianjamesrationalpoet.blog
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#2889
RE: joke time
November 8, 2018 at 1:56 am
Cardiologists at a press conference announce that one or two beers a day greatly reduce the chance of heart disease.

"What about livers?" Asks a reporter.

"Fuck livers!" Replies one of the cardiologists.

High five!

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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no one Offline
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#2890
RE: joke time
November 8, 2018 at 1:59 am
Kent Hovind, Ken Ham, and Donald Trump jump of a cliff. Who wins?




Society.
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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