Kids Say the Darndest Things . . . Atheist Forums Edition

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

I don't mind when kids talk about Jesus. They talk about unicorns and stuff too. If they want to, they will grow out of it.

Sadly ,some suffer from late infestation:

My mate has fraternal twin girls,20 yo. One is sane and doing law. The other is a bit flaky and doing psychology. Last year, the flaky one came down with a really nasty case of evangelical Christianity.


Another friend's 18 yo son went and got baptised in the Church of England. His mother was less than thrilled. I told her not to worry,that it's only Catholic lite and will cause him no personal inconvenience.


That was 2 years ago.Last I heard,he was busy bonking his way through the female student body of the second rate university he attends.

[The Grand Nudger]

"Daddy, your eyes look fuckin funny".

[Erinome]

The other day my son told us he was going to go watch Survivor Man. My daughter (5) said, "Yeah, go watch it. I don't wanna ruin it for you, but he doesn't die."

I LMAO. She's a mess!

Also, I thought I'd share this. It is not something she came up with herself, of course, but it's cute nonetheless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xl5X20l1MI

[Cinjin]

You know it's finally time to get back in shape when your son says,

"Papa (he calls me papa, not dad), Papa, your belly is squishy, but you're still really cool ... You're like KungFu Panda."





Gee thanx little man. (Now where's that fucking gym membership?)

[Kayenneh]

I have three nephews, 'Vh' is the eldest (4 years), 'Vg' and 'E' are identical twins (3 years).

Vh looks when his dad opens a can of soda.
Vh: Is that beer?
Me: No, I think it's soda.
Vh frowns and thinks.
Vh: What does beer do?
Since he has a fantastic memory and tends to remember things remarkably well, I have long ago decided not to give him half-assed answers.
Me: The alcohol in the beer alters how your brain works. For instance, too much alcohol and you lose your balance and sometimes your memory.
Vh frowns some more, then suddenly he grins.
Vh: I want beer!

Vg on the other hand was washing his hands at their day care. Next to the sink they have a picture of Mona Lisa. Suddenly Vg pats it and exclaims: "There's auntie!". According to my sister he thinks I look like Da Vinci's masterpiece..

[KnockEmOuttt]

A while back I was working as a cashier at a supermarket. I was just finishing a transaction for an older African-American woman when the next customers, a mother and her young daughter came on the line. The little girl looked up and immediately starting clapping her hands and chanting "Chocolate lady! Chocolate lady! Chocolate lady!" I have never seen anyone look as mortified as that mother did.

[Diamond]

So, this one time my cousin, he's 5, was hanging on to my leg. I kept telling him to get off, but he wouldn't listen.
Eventually he said, "Tickle me! That'll get me off!"

[Cyberman]

Some years ago, little niece Rosie would love to come round to our apartment for a visit to, as she said, "Stimbo and Sam's house". Now in order for this to work, you have to understand that each floor in the block has pretty much the same layout, two flats on one side, one of which faces the lift (or elevator if you must) and a stairwell off to the side. This arrangement is mirrored at the other side of the block and a connecting passage with two more flats (and rubbish chutes). Our flat on the fourth floor is one of those opposite the lift - two steps straight ahead as you exit the lift and you're at our door.

Rosie would express wide-eyed amazement that the front door of the ground floor apartment when she stepped into the lift was red, but it had changed to the blue (and later, warm purple) of our door when she stepped out. As she herself explained it, the lift was a magical device for changing the colour of the door.

I wish I still had that sort of mind.