Jokes section ?

[Overmars]

17,000 atheists in the Middle East rioted this week after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk.


Science can fly you to the moon.
Religion can fly you into buildings!


How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to videotape the job so that christians don't try and claim god did it.


Trying to prove the existence of God with the Bible is the same thing as trying to prove the existence of Orcs using the Lord of the Rings books.

[Dotard]

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was the name of Jesus' mother?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows the name of Jesus' father?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge and Mary.

[Overmars]

In a small midwestern conservative town, there wasn't a place to get a drink for miles around, so a local entrepreneur saw an opportunity: He started to build a tavern.

Liking a "dry" town, the local church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. The businessman was polite when congregants came to protest, but work continued on the tavern.

But the night before the grand opening, a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their piousness after that -- until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

At the first hearing, the judge held up the paperwork and took in the lawyers and both sides of the lawsuit.

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this," the judge said, "but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."

[Dotard]

How many Religiholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Amish:.............................. What’s a light bulb?

Baptist:........................... At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.

Charismatic:................ Only 1. Their hands are already in the air.

Episcopalian:................ 3. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Judaism:......................... ? Not now. We will wait until K-Mart put light bulbs on sale. Then we have to say berachot over it.

Lutheran:....................... None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodist:.................... Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.

Mormon:.......................... 5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.

Nazarene:..................... 6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Pentecostal:................ 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterian:.............. None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic:........ None. Candles only. Put a little something in the box.

Scientologist:............. Tom Cruise. We may get lucky and he’ll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.

Unitarian:...................... ? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

[tackattack]

[leo-rcc]

[leo-rcc]

[leo-rcc]

[theVOID]

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'."

---

God says to Adam, "I have some good news and some bad news. What do you want to hear first?"

Adam says, "Tell me the good news first."

God says, "I'm going to give you a penis and a brain. You'll derive from these great pleasure and great intellect."

Adam replies, "Wonderful! But what's the bad news?"

God says, "I'm only going to give you enough blood supply to work one at a time."

[Dotard]

Here's one for the women here to appreciate:




God stands before Adam and Eve and tells them;

"I'm just about all finished with you two. I only have two things left in my creation kit and I've decided to let you two choose what you want."

God reaches in the bag and pulls out a penis. "I have this! It will allow you to empty your bladder standing up. Also comes with a couple decrative balls and it is quite fun to play with!"

Mine! Mine! Mine! hollers Adam.
"Well, maybe I'd like..........." Eve begins to say.
"MINE!!" Hollers Adam.

"Oh just take it." says Eve.

"WoooooWhoooo!!" Adam exclaims as he grabs the penis and begins running around pissing all over everything.

"Well", says Eve, "what does that leave me?"

"Just this.." God says as he reaches into the bag, "it's called Common Sense."