Jokes section ?

[Amphora]

Horse walk into a bar, and the bartender says why the long face?

[Overmars]

A Jehovah's Witness gave me an Advent Calendar today. Fuck me, the first door I opened there were two of the fuckers standing behind it.

[Samson]

Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.

While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard.

Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse."

The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant."

Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?"

The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

---

So this older guy goes to the doctor asking for a prescription for 'Viagra'. The guy asks for a large dose of the *strongest* variety. The doctor asks why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.

Later that week, the same guy goes back to the doctor asking for pain killers. The doctor asks 'why, is your dick in that much pain?', 'no', says the guy, 'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'

[Zen Badger]

“Capitalism and communism stand at opposite poles. Their essential difference is this: The communist, seeing the rich man and his fine home, says: 'No man should have so much.' The capitalist, seeing the same thing, says: 'All men should have so much.'”

Oh really?

And if all did have so much, who would do the work?

Capitalism relies on a system of haves and havenots.

Otherwise no-one would go to work.

[theVOID]

DATZ WHAT DA ROBOTZ R 4 SILLY!

But seriously, Labour Robots are going to be awesome, a source of many a wet dream for me.

[Dotard]

At the pub I hoisted my beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won me the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

I went home and told my wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best Toast of the Night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

I said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, Dotard," Mary said.

The next day, we ran into one of my drinking buddies. The man chuckled leeringly and said to Mary, "Dotard won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Akward moment there.

---

Slow boring day. So what the heck.........

When Frodo was a cabbie, he picked up a Nun.

She gets into the cab and notices that the Frodo won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there is nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to kiss a Nun."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

Frodo the cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills Frodo's fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

When they get back on the road, Frodo breaks down and starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

---

Much to my surprise I found myself before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," I offered.

"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I ordered them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and stinkiest most tattooed biker and shoved his face; kicked his bike over; ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!'"

Saint Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"'Couple of minutes ago."

[Samson]

Good ones Dotard..

[Darwinian]

I was walking along the road when I came to a fence. In the fence was a small hole and I heard someone behind saying, 14.... 14.... 14.... 14....

I was really curious so I peeked through the hole to see what was going on. A man behind the fence poked a stick through the hole and stabbed me in the eye.

He then started saying.

---

15.... 15.... 15.... 15....

---

[tackattack]

Repost but I thought it was funny:
I was at my bank today....



……. there was a short line.

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to
exchange yen for dollars.

It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why
it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat
eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."


The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

[Dotard]

LOL! Fluc you too!