Offensive Jokes

[Losty]

Can I please haz?
I will start.



As my cum dribbles down my girlfriend's chin I look down at her and ask, "do you like that?"

"No!" She replied, "what the fuck is in this sandwich?"

(joke stolen from Vosur)

[Vosur]

I'm going to add the ones I posted in the same thread on TTA here.

---

Yesterday, I failed my biology exam. The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells." Apparently, "niggers" wasn't the right answer.

-

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what just happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her and then we had sex over and over again, all positions, everything. His friend replies: "That's great, did you get a blow job as well?" He responds: "Oh no, I never found her head."

-

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

-

What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?

One of them comes back from the camp.

-

How are women similar to condoms?

They're either on the end of your dick, or in your wallet.

-

What do you say when you see your TV floating across the room in the middle of the night?

"Drop it, nigger."

-

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot.

-

Why do Ethiopians give the best blowjobs?

Because you know they will swallow.

-

What did the jewish paedophile say to the child?

"Hey kid, would you like to buy some candy?"

-

A woman goes out clubbing and meets a handsome black dude. They go back to her place after a night of partying and drinking. As they're getting undressed, the woman slides up to the black dude and says: "Go on stud, show me what makes you black guys famous."

So he stabs her and runs off with her purse.

-

My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarassing questions about sex. Just this morning, she asked me: "Is that the best you can do?"

-

What's a word that begins with "N", end in "R" that you never want to call a black person?

Neighbour.

-

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

-

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her.

-

Why do black people and mexicans never marry?

They are worried that their children would be too lazy to steal.

-

Alice: Sex yesterday was like the 100m Olympics.
Thomas: Why? Did it only last 9 seconds?
Alice: No, 8 black guys and a gun.

.


Why don't Catholics use condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

-

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

-

Statistically 9/11 Americans won't get this.

-

I'm not racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

-

This girl told me that she wouldn't sleep with me if I was the last person on Earth.

If I was the last person on Earth, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter.

-

My girlfriend is a porn star.

She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.

---

[Losty]

How do you make a dead baby float?

-one scoop ice cream, one scoop dead baby

[DramaQueen]

When I first came in life, I thought I had cancer

[Dystopia]

Ok in Portugal we say this a lot - What do you call a black guy inside a car? A thief

[Minimalist]

They say that over here..... and then the cops blow him away.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My girl once told me, 'Give me all nine inches and make me bleed.'

So, I fucked her three times and punched her in the face.

*****

As night is falling, a paedophile is leading a six year old boy into a wooded area and the child is crying.

'What are YOU scared about?' asks the perv. 'I'm the one who has to walk back alone in the dark.'

Boru

[Chad32]

I was asked to make an offensive joke, so I hit someone in the face with a pie.

[vorlon13]

Entropy ain't what it used to be.

[Napoléon]

My girlfriend called me a paedophile earlier, I told her "that's a big word for a 6 year old".