how to respond to dad's "shabbat shalom"?

[Minimalist]

He's being a nudge.

Nudge back.

[SteelCurtain]

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If they don't know I'm an atheist and say merry christmas, I don't care, because they don't know. But my dad knows I'm an atheist and he knows I'm uncomfortable around the family during religious holidays. He also knows i'm dealing psychologically with self acceptance and trying to find a way to be happy and not care and just be with my family even though they surround themselves in every aspect of every day life with their judaism.

IE. Passover is coming. They want me to attend a Passover seder. I can't do it. I can't sit back on a comfy pillow, get drunk, and sing and toast to God's intervention when there is slavery and rape and terrorism and just awful suffering in the world. To my family, it's not a big deal. They eat, they drink, they sing, and they do some rituals, but to me, well I know that the rituals represent a discretionary god who chooses when to save people and let people die, and obviously he chose to save the Jews because they are Jews. Can't do it.

My dad knows i'm dealing with all this. He knows I've been distant for the express reason that I stand against Judaism. and If I had my way, I'd never had to deal with it again, if not for my family.

He knows all these things. And says shabbat shalom. It's not a big deal to him. But it feels like this is his way of trying to missionize me, to try to keep judaism in my life when he knows I don't want any part of it.

So yeah, I guess it's a big deal to me. The question is, am I overreacting and should i just shut up and let the guy say shabbat shalom?

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But have you told him you're uncomfortable specifically with the "Shabbat Shalom" stuff? Or are you just assuming that since he knows you are an atheist that he knows this makes you uncomfortable?

Do you have other siblings? (sorry if you said so earlier) Does your dad text them Shabbat Shalom? Could it be just his way of keeping in contact with his kids, and not wanting to leave you out?

Seriously, GLaDOS, you gotta just have a conversation with your dad. (Cave Johnson?) Do you think he's doing it maliciously? Ask him to stop. If you think he's might just be doing it out of habit or keeping contact with you, then just ask him to change what he's saying.

On a lighter note, you have a beautiful singing voice:

[thesummerqueen]

At this point in my life, the phrase means nothing more than "have a good weekend". Maybe if you try to see it from that angle?

My mother still has us up for Passover sometimes. Yes, the story is ridiculous and the Old Testament is filled with atrocious things. No one said you can't smile sardonically. Since the event never happened, think of it as if you were celebrating Bilbo's birthday or something. It's a made-up event, but the food is delicious (as long as it's not my mother making the matzo balls). Rest back on the pillow and eat someone else's cooking. I mean, Thanksgiving isn't religious, but it's based around some shitty ideas and made up ones too.

[Clueless Morgan]

If you can determine if your father is doing this in a passive-aggressive way, I'm wondering whether there is some greeting that would make him feel equally uncomfortable and just ask him "if I said [XYZ] to you, would it make you uncomfortable?" and if he says yes, explain to him that that is how you feel when he says "shabbat shalom" to you.

Put him in your shoes, show him how it feels and see what happens.

Determine the sentiment behind the statement before you determine how to handle it, though. As others have said, he could just be sayin' hi.

[thesummerqueen]

Jews are passive aggressive by default.

:-P

[bennyboy]

My family is still religious. Every Friday, my dad texts me "shabbat shalom." before the Sabbath starts. (it means "have a good Sabbath")

He knows I'm an Atheist, but I don't think he knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel when he says this to me, week after week.

I feel like i need to tell him it makes me feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop, but a small voice in my head is saying don't hurt his feelings.

I'm new here so if I've posted this in the wrong thread, just let me know.

Thanks guys

Why would texting a couple words make you uncomfortable? He's wishing you well. Respond, or say thanks.

If a Hindu wished me a happy Diwali (I think I got that right), I'd say, "Happy Diwali to you, too." If a Jew wished me Happy Hanukkah, I'd wish them one back.

BECAUSE I'm not invested in those religions, little social gestures like that are literally no harder than wishing someone a "Happy abc123 day."

[Aisha]

IE. Passover is coming. They want me to attend a Passover seder. I can't do it. I can't sit back on a comfy pillow, get drunk, and sing and toast to God's intervention when there is slavery and rape and terrorism and just awful suffering in the world. To my family, it's not a big deal. They eat, they drink, they sing, and they do some rituals, but to me, well I know that the rituals represent a discretionary god who chooses when to save people and let people die, and obviously he chose to save the Jews because they are Jews. Can't do it.

I have spend quite a few christmasses with exactly these feelings. christmas being the so called holiday of peace and joy and whatnot, whilst all around the world people are suffering. It is certainly not a good time to spend eating and drinking and enjoying yourself with family. It is certainly a very hypocrite holiday, by a very hypocrite religion. (as they all are in my opinion)

But guess what? There will be people suffering, starving, dying.
There will be wars and terrorism and slavery. Of course we all hope this will end sooner than later, but the world is not going to be there for a long time to come. If you always only worry about this there is no way you can ever have fun in your life. Do what you can to make the world a better place, but this includes having fun, and celebrating.

I still celebrate christmas, the religion is completely stripped from it, even though we do celebrate with religious people as well. For me it does nothing. But I am glad to have a good meal, spend time with friends and family and decorate the house. and unwrap the gifts You can make a holiday into a thing you enjoy, your own way. Remember, this is the only life we have

[robvalue]

I wonder if he doesn't even realize he's doing it with any significance, but just out of habit. Do you think that's possible?

Personally I think that if it is making you unhappy, then you have the right to bring it up and ask that he just says "have a good weekend" or something instead. If he won't stop, then start sending him back "happy satan's feast day" or something.

[Norman Humann]

Have you tried wishing him Happy Bacon Day?

[emilynghiem]

My family is still religious. Every Friday, my dad texts me "shabbat shalom." before the Sabbath starts. (it means "have a good Sabbath")

He knows I'm an Atheist, but I don't think he knows how uncomfortable it makes me feel when he says this to me, week after week.

I feel like i need to tell him it makes me feel uncomfortable and ask him to stop, but a small voice in my head is saying don't hurt his feelings.

I'm new here so if I've posted this in the wrong thread, just let me know.

Thanks guys

1. Can you see this as a mutual give and take
that if you can forgive him for what he says convenient for him,
then equally he is forgiving you for things that normally
make him uncomfortable but which are more convenient for you.

2. if it really makes you uncomfortable, are there things he asks you to stop or refrain from that make him uncomfortable? If you can both agree to stop, then that's an equal give and take there

3. can you be happy that he is expressing himself in his way,
the same way you'd rather people be happy that you are as you are too.

which way do you want to go with this?
do you want to try to both forgive and both focus on being happy for each other? sort of like when Christian parents find out their kid is gay, and just want their kid to be happy. or kids find out their parents are getting divorced, and they aren't comfortable, but want their parents to be happy