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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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joke time
BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4411
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 7:15 am
A fella waving a gun walks into his local pub and shouts, 'Who the fuck had sex with my wife?'

A voice in the background calls out, 'You don't have enough bullets, mate.'

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4412
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm
What's heavier - water or butane?




Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#4413
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 7:52 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane?




Boru

No.

Just no.

If I was there I'd smack you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.
Dying to live, living to die.
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4414
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 8:04 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 7:52 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:
(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane?




Boru

No.

Just no.

If I was there I'd smack you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

You wouldn't be the first.

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#4415
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 8:06 pm
A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie and decides to test it at the family dinner that night.

"What did you do today?" he asks his son.

"I was doing homework," the boy replies.

The robot slaps him.

"Okay. I was at Bill's place watching movies!"

"Which movie?" The father asks.

"Toy Story," the boy responds.

The robot slaps him.

"Fine! We were watching porn!"

"When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!" Says the father angrily.

The robot slaps him.

The mother laughs, "Well, he's certainly your son!"

The robot slaps her.

*Robot for sale*
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HappySkeptic Offline
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#4416
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 8:11 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane?




Boru

After remembering my material science -- I got it right!  Hey, is there a joke there somewhere?  Ohhhhhh ... Arrgghh
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
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#4417
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 8:44 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 8:11 pm)HappySkeptic Wrote:
(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane?




Boru

After remembering my material science -- I got it right!  Hey, is there a joke there somewhere?  Ohhhhhh ... Arrgghh

It’s a version of an ancient bar bet. One patron says to another, ‘I’ll wager you £5 that I can make this packet of cigarettes a cigarette lighter.’

‘Sure, if you set it on fire. No bet.’

‘No, I give you my word that fire won’t be involved.’

‘Well...ok, then.’

So the first fella opens the pack, takes out one cigarette and says, ‘There - the pack is now a cigarette lighter.’

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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Fireball Offline
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#4418
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 9:06 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 8:44 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:
(February 1, 2021 at 8:11 pm)HappySkeptic Wrote: After remembering my material science -- I got it right!  Hey, is there a joke there somewhere?  Ohhhhhh ... Arrgghh

It’s a version of an ancient bar bet. One patron says to another, ‘I’ll wager you £5 that I can make this packet of cigarettes a cigarette lighter.’

‘Sure, if you set it on fire. No bet.’

‘No, I give you my word that fire won’t be involved.’

‘Well...ok, then.’

So the first fella opens the pack, takes out one cigarette and says, ‘There - the pack is now a cigarette lighter.’

Boru

...and that's when the fight started...
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#4419
RE: joke time
February 1, 2021 at 9:11 pm
(February 1, 2021 at 9:06 pm)Fireball Wrote:
(February 1, 2021 at 8:44 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: It’s a version of an ancient bar bet. One patron says to another, ‘I’ll wager you £5 that I can make this packet of cigarettes a cigarette lighter.’

‘Sure, if you set it on fire. No bet.’

‘No, I give you my word that fire won’t be involved.’

‘Well...ok, then.’

So the first fella opens the pack, takes out one cigarette and says, ‘There - the pack is now a cigarette lighter.’

Boru

...and that's when the fight started...

That's when you stab them before they can react.
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The Valkyrie Offline
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#4420
RE: joke time
February 2, 2021 at 2:10 am
I've been alcohol free for three hours.

Cheers to that!

Fuck!
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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