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joke time
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A fella waving a gun walks into his local pub and shouts, 'Who the fuck had sex with my wife?'
A voice in the background calls out, 'You don't have enough bullets, mate.' Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
What's heavier - water or butane?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
 (February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane? No. Just no. If I was there I'd smack you on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" (February 1, 2021 at 7:52 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote:(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane? You wouldn't be the first. Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie and decides to test it at the family dinner that night.
"What did you do today?" he asks his son. "I was doing homework," the boy replies. The robot slaps him. "Okay. I was at Bill's place watching movies!" "Which movie?" The father asks. "Toy Story," the boy responds. The robot slaps him. "Fine! We were watching porn!" "When I was your age I didn't know what porn was!" Says the father angrily. The robot slaps him. The mother laughs, "Well, he's certainly your son!" The robot slaps her. *Robot for sale* Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  (February 1, 2021 at 8:11 pm)HappySkeptic Wrote:(February 1, 2021 at 7:47 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: What's heavier - water or butane? It’s a version of an ancient bar bet. One patron says to another, ‘I’ll wager you £5 that I can make this packet of cigarettes a cigarette lighter.’ ‘Sure, if you set it on fire. No bet.’ ‘No, I give you my word that fire won’t be involved.’ ‘Well...ok, then.’ So the first fella opens the pack, takes out one cigarette and says, ‘There - the pack is now a cigarette lighter.’ Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
 (February 1, 2021 at 8:44 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:(February 1, 2021 at 8:11 pm)HappySkeptic Wrote: After remembering my material science -- I got it right! Hey, is there a joke there somewhere? Ohhhhhh ... ...and that's when the fight started...
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
(February 1, 2021 at 9:06 pm)Fireball Wrote:(February 1, 2021 at 8:44 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: It’s a version of an ancient bar bet. One patron says to another, ‘I’ll wager you £5 that I can make this packet of cigarettes a cigarette lighter.’ That's when you stab them before they can react. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
I've been alcohol free for three hours.
Cheers to that! Fuck! Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" |
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