Posts: 66329
Threads: 140
Joined: June 28, 2011
Reputation:
160
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
April 24, 2012 at 3:02 pm
That one always got me too Sanity. After all the other horrid and completely insane shit this god is said to have done as it aimlessly wandered the planet, it decided that one of the capstones for it's time spent here ought to be force-choking a goddamned tree (in this case, literally).
Apologists will tell you that this was a metaphor, it's strange how often the stories are just stories, even among those who would then continue to assert them as fact.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Posts: 279
Threads: 20
Joined: November 7, 2011
Reputation:
10
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
April 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm
Not exactly one quote but a series of ideas that God really loves you but is the one who orchestrated sin and its punishment in the first place.... "I am going to burn you but I really love you EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE TO BURN YOU".
He beats me because he loves me?
Posts: 66329
Threads: 140
Joined: June 28, 2011
Reputation:
160
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
April 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm
That's what she said?
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Posts: 269
Threads: 7
Joined: April 4, 2012
Reputation:
3
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
April 24, 2012 at 3:15 pm
(April 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm)Voltair Wrote: Not exactly one quote but a series of ideas that God really loves you but is the one who orchestrated sin and its punishment in the first place.... "I am going to burn you but I really love you EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE TO BURN YOU".
He beats me because he loves me?
God has a BDSM fetish.
Posts: 1298
Threads: 42
Joined: January 2, 2012
Reputation:
32
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
April 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm
A few odd ones:
Genesis 25:30
He said to Jacob, "Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I'm exhausted."
Acts 20:9
Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead.
Deuteronomy 14:21
Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner...
Posts: 1994
Threads: 161
Joined: August 17, 2010
Reputation:
29
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
May 6, 2012 at 12:50 am
(This post was last modified: May 6, 2012 at 12:52 am by Justtristo.)
Quote: For there are some eunuchs who were that way from birth, and some who were made eunuchs by others, and some who became eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept this should accept it.”
Matthew 19:12-15
(April 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Quote:Ezekiel 23:19-20 NET
Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
I bet the Israelites were worshiping the god Min.
undefined
Posts: 7388
Threads: 168
Joined: February 25, 2009
Reputation:
45
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
May 6, 2012 at 1:00 am
The Lord said "go forth and multiply" to Adam and Eve. I've always thought that was nice euphemism for "Y'all can fuck off outta here" . 
Posts: 30597
Threads: 204
Joined: July 19, 2011
Reputation:
141
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
May 6, 2012 at 1:08 am
(May 6, 2012 at 1:00 am)padraic Wrote: The Lord said "go forth and multiply" to Adam and Eve. I've always thought that was nice euphemism for "Y'all can fuck off outta here"
If you consider that according to the tale, Eve was made from the rib of Adam, and therefore could be considered a clone...
...it appears to me that YHWH was in fact telling Adam to go fuck himself.
Posts: 90
Threads: 5
Joined: May 3, 2012
Reputation:
5
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
May 6, 2012 at 1:43 am
So what do you think you gain from this thread?
You want believers to respect your position and freedom to choose to be an atheist yet you can't respect others choice of belief and their freedom to choose to follow it.
No wonder believers come on here and do not treat your posts with any respect or seriously, you fail to treat others as you want to be treated.
Posts: 7388
Threads: 168
Joined: February 25, 2009
Reputation:
45
RE: What's the funniest or most ridiculous bible quote you have ever heard or read?
May 6, 2012 at 2:46 am
(This post was last modified: May 6, 2012 at 2:46 am by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
Quote:You want believers to respect your position
No I don't care actually.
Quote:and freedom to choose to be an atheist
Others do not need to respect my right not to believe;it is guaranteed by our (Australian) constitution.
Quote:Yet you can't respect others choice of belief
My respect is earned,it is not simply ascribed and may not be demanded. There are two formal believers here who have earned my respect; Tackattack and Rayaan.
OF course I acknowledge your right to believe whatever you want. I do NOT acknowledge any moral authority coming from those beliefs nor any right NOT to be offended.
Given Jesus' alleged background and the rather louche circles in which he moved,I've always thought he would have had a wonderfully earthy sense of humour. EG I have no problem imagining such a person telling and enjoying fart jokes.
From reading the Torah it is very clear to me that YHWH has always had a highly developed if eccentric and rather dark sense of humour.
When it comes to humour,there are NO forbidden topics.
WARNING VERY COARSE LANGUAGE DO NOT WATCH IF EASILY OFFENDED.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgZZ82tp5es
|
