If You Were Religious, What Religion Would it Be?

[Something completely different]

I dont want to troll, but.........




I really dont see me in any way being religious.

I also came to the personal conclusion that I would reject most gods even if they did exist.

[Angrboda]

Since I am religious, it's not clear how I should answer this. I am Taoist and Shakta Hindu. If I had to choose something else, I'd probably be Confucian, or perhaps create my own religion out of worship of the Vānara.

I revere Mahākālī, who holds in her hands the sword, discus, mace, arrow,
bow, iron club, spear, sling, human head, and conch; who is three-eyed,
adorned on all her limbs, and sparkling like a sapphire; who has ten faces
and ten feet; and whom Brahma extolled while Vishnu slept, in order to slay
Madhu and Kaitabha.




By you is this universe supported, of you is this world
born, by you is it protected, O Devī, and you always
consume it at the end.

You are the creative force at the world's birth and its
sustenance for as long as it endures. So even at the end
of this world, you appear as its dissolution, you who
encompass it all.

You are the great knowledge and the great illusion,
the great intelligence, the great memory and the great
delusion, the great goddess and the great demoness.

You are primordial matter, differentiating into the threefold
qualities of everything. You are the dark night of periodic
dissolution, the great night of final dissolution, and the
terrifying night of delusion.

You are radiant splendor; you reign supreme yet are
unassuming; you are the light of understanding. Modesty
are you, and prosperity, contentment, tranquillity and
forbearance.

Armed with sword and spear, and with club and discus,
waging war with conch, bow and arrows, sling and iron
mace, you inspire dread.

Yet, you are pleasing, more pleasing than all else that is
pleasing, and exceedingly beautiful. Transcending both
highest and lowest, you are indeed the supreme sovereign.

Whatever exists, true or untrue, and wherever it may be,
o soul of everything, you are the power of all that. How
can I praise you?

By you, even he who creates, protects, and devours the
world is subdued with sleep. Who here can praise you?

— Devī-Māhātmya

[Minimalist]

Norse. Parties in Valhalla every night instead of that boring xtian heaven shit.

Who wants to kiss jesus' ass for eternity?

[Nine]

Thats a lot of decapitation.

[NomenMihiNon]

Paganism, most likely. Not that new age nonsense, but something more akin to animism.

Well, keep in mind that Wicca (and subsequent forms of neo-Paganism) was originally an attempt to revive ancient European folk beliefs in a modern context, and was only hijacked by the New Age movement upon crossing the pond from England to the US.

I suppose you could add me to the list of would-be Pagans/Wiccans...that is, if the there was drastic change in the American neo-Pagan community. Part of what compelled me to abandon Wicca and move on (other than the fact that my spells never worked and the only time I felt remotely "spiritual" during my rituals was if I was high ) was that serious practitioners were hard to find among the phonies. Most of the ones I met were either RPG enthusiasts trying to incorporate their magical fantasies into their daily lives, or else countercultural wannabes who couldn't decide between hippie and goth and figured "witch" to be a suitable amalgam. Not to mention all the "feminists" whose reaction to the misogyny of mainstream religion was to (rather hypocritically) use goddess-worship as justification for misandry...

So now that I think about it, if I were religious then I'd probably just be some sort of non-denominational theist.

[Fruity]

I'd make a statue and say it was god just to see how far I could take it. Probably write a book and say he directed my hand as I typed. Maybe even make a tithe system. 20% of your pay (since even tips went up, why shouldn't tithes) in the form of beer (and maybe whiskey). Must be nice.

[Angrboda]

[The Grand Nudger]

I'd make a statue and say it was god just to see how far I could take it. Probably write a book and say he directed my hand as I typed. Maybe even make a tithe system. 20% of your pay (since even tips went up, why shouldn't tithes) in the form of beer (and maybe whiskey). Must be nice.

Forget the beer, give me the whiskey, and I'll lend the bloody hand of violent oppression. Depending on how good the whiskey is, I may even sing a little song or two while I do my work. Only one condition, I get to start with all the heretics who believe in other statues.....

[Something completely different]

[Fruity]

Done. Apophenia writes the sermons, Rhythm sings praise and manages the wars, and since I have to organize that and well, I had the idea, then I get a cut, too. We'll never go beer-whiskey thirsty again.