joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

News Flash:  President Trump today denied that he dyes his hair, insisting, 'It's the same colour it was when I bought it.'

Boru

[onlinebiker]

"Bought it" indeed...

We all know that dead squirrel is roadkill.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Why did Vlad the Impaler rest his feet on Ottomans?

---

He was furniture shopping.

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Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Two Yorkshiremen go to apply for a job.

The first is taken in for his interview and is asked, “If I gouged out one of your eyes, what would you be?”

“Half blind!” Replies YM1.

“And what would you be if I gouged out both of your eyes?”

“Totally blind!” Replies YM1.

“Very good. Send in the next person on your way out,” says the interviewer.

YM1 leaves the room and on his way out says to YM2 “All you have to do is answer his questions ‘half blind’ and ‘totally blind.’”

YM2 goes into the room and sits down.

“What would you be if I cut off one of your ears?”

“Half blind!”

“And what would you be if I cut off both of your ears?”

“Totally blind,” replies YM2.

“Those are certainly interesting answers,” says the interviewer, “how did you come to that conclusion?”

“Well, if you cut off both my ears, my cap would slip down over my eyes.”

[Jackie]

Ever notice, while there is a University of Florida, there is no Florida University.

Imagine a bunch of college kids in Daytona at a bar. 

Sorority lady, "I go to Michigan State, where do you go?"

Frat guy, "I go to Ohio State"... Turns to another guy, "Where do you go?"

Frat guy, "FU"

First Frat guy, " Hey, no need to get nasty, I was just asking."

[The Grand Nudger]

If they'd invented gatorade at florida state, it'd be seminole fluid.

[Jackie]

Suggested "Life Alert" ad.

Orange Turd in hotel with porn star.

Orange Turd presses button, "It's fallen, and it cant get up."

Stormy, "Sucks to be you."

[ignoramus]

Just watch the news about a factory fire. Arson was suspected.
Sheesh, are they ever going to catch that guy?

[Fireball]

Just watch the news about a factory fire. Arson was suspected.
Sheesh, are they ever going to catch that guy?

Took me a second or so. I knew a guy whose last name was Larsen. I used to call him "Arson Larsen", because it rhymed, same as when I taught school and wrote a geometry proof an the board, and then said, "Simple, pimple". Just a rhyme thing. He didn't set fires, that I know of. Wow, that was some random shit!   Yeah, I had a late night and an early morning, and it's close to bed time. 

[ignoramus]

I hate it when people use mixed metaphors … it really grinds my goat.