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joke time
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I was getting my car serviced yesterday when a woman drove in and said to the mechanic, "My car's making a horrible noise."
I asked, "Have you considered turning off the Christian radio station?" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Me: My router isn’t working properly.
Tech support: Ok, which lights are on? Me: The kitchen and the hallway. Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
 (August 6, 2022 at 1:54 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: I was getting my car serviced yesterday when a woman drove in and said to the mechanic, "My car's making a horrible noise." Yeah, I want some Satanic radio stations.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
 (August 6, 2022 at 11:17 am)Fake Messiah Wrote:The radio station in hell plays ABBA 24/7.....(August 6, 2022 at 1:54 am)The Valkyrie Wrote: I was getting my car serviced yesterday when a woman drove in and said to the mechanic, "My car's making a horrible noise."  RE: joke time
August 6, 2022 at 3:12 pm
(This post was last modified: August 6, 2022 at 3:13 pm by purplepurpose.)
Jesus: join me in heaven to have eternal and perfect life.
P. S. If you think you dont want to be with Me in heaven, think about the lake of fire you will be burning in instead.
It turns out that you’re supposed to pee on a jellyfish sting, not on a jelly stain.
Again, my apologies to that nice woman at the restaurant. Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
What do you call a gathering of serial killers?
A cereal convention. A concept taken from Neil Gaiman's The Sandman.
"Never trust a fox. Looks like a dog, behaves like a cat."
~ Erin Hunter 
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed. “No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne? “No,” said the little boy… “It’s a puppy!”
A man has been reported with a telescope pointing towards an all female nude beach.
Police are reportedly looking into it. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: joke time
August 15, 2022 at 4:39 am
(This post was last modified: August 16, 2022 at 4:12 am by The Valkyrie.)
A man with no arms or legs is sitting alone on a towel on the beach.
Feeling sorry for him, a young woman walks over to him and asks, "Have you ever been hugged?" "No," he replies sadly. So she gives him a hug. Shortly afterwards, another young woman walks over and asks, "Have you ever been kissed?" "No," he replies, tears in his eyes. So she bent down and gave him a kiss. Shortly afterwards, another young woman walks over and asks, "Have you ever been screwed?" "No," he replies hopefully. "You will be when the tide comes in." Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" |
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