Helping Christians to lose faith?

[watchamadoodle]

Sometimes I wonder if I should be openly and vocally atheist in an effort to help my family and friends to lose faith.

Any ideas?
- My mother is 70 and I doubt if she would ever lose faith, but I could be surprised. I try to pretend to believe a little bit for her sake. Her beliefs are somewhat fundamentalist and also somewhat superstitious (Eastern Orthodox)
- My brother and his family believe similarly to my mother except less strongly.
- My sister and her husband are Lutherans.

I feel bad leaving them to believe nonsense when I might be able to help them - especially my brother and sister. On the other hand, it could create a big mess.

[Joods]

Sometimes you can't help those you love. They have to learn the hard way.

[pocaracas]

Tia know you run the risk that they'll never talk to you again, right?

[Norman Humann]

Well, if they like to believe their nonsense and it doesn't do any harm to anyone, I'd say leave them alone. It kind of resembles the way christians want to convert everybody. If someone was having doubts and wanted to talk about it, sure, it would be great to help out, but otherwise it just seems too pushy, IMO.

And I agree with poca, it could really upset them.

[TheRealJoeFish]

In my family, all four of my grandparents are still around, and vary from not particularly religious to extremely religious. I won't suggest that I'm an atheist to them, and if they ask, I will lie, because I think 1) it would be impossible to convince them and 2) the only thing it would accomplish is causing them great distress.

My fairly religious parents know I'm an atheist. My mother says she "wants to understand where I'm coming from." I think this is partially because she's convinced herself that an atheist worldview doesn't make sense, and she's trying to reconcile that with her fairly high opinions of me. But I also think it's because she has doubts herself, at least about organized religion in general. I am not going to aggressively pursue the subject (certainly not around Easter!), but if she asks me about my beliefs or we get onto the topic I'll be very open and, quite frankly, I'll attempt to be persuasive. My father, on the other hand, simply doesn't want to understand. Whatevs.

Of my younger brothers, one is an "agnostic" - I think he means "atheist who doesn't want to tell his (southern USA) neighbors he's an atheist" - and the other is, at least outwardly, fairly devout. The agnostic brother (the older) and I are pretty much on the exact same page. The youngest is both 1) very intelligent and 2) going through very difficult late teenage years. So, I'm not going to push anything on him, although I've let him know that if he ever wants to discuss anything I'm willing. I ultimately think that, like myself, some of his problems stem from an awareness (at least on some level) that he's being intellectually dishonest in maintaining that he's still faithful. But in time.

I don't really have advice; what I can offer is sympathy. I'd guess that the answer is: it varies from family member to family member. I want to be thought of as 1) not pushing the issue in any way at all, but 2) answering any questions and explaining every position as fully and honestly as I can.

[robvalue]

I think that unless they approach you for an honest discussion, leaning on them will likely push them further away.

I'm sorry you have to see them like that. It must be very frustrating.

[Cephus]

I don't try to push anyone to lose faith. I push everyone to think about what they believe and care whether or not it's factually true. If that causes them to lose their faith, so be it. I do that for everything, not just religion.

[AFTT47]

For those who quietly believe but are doing no harm:

If they are ready to question their faith, they'll let you know. Maybe not directly, in words but the signs will be there. Otherwise, leave them alone. Like Norman Humann said, don't be pushy. You wouldn't want them doing that to you.

Unlike TRJF, I would not misrepresent myself. If someone can't understand my position, that's their problem. That's me though. I'm not a family person so I don't have strong bonds to many people.

[TheRealJoeFish]

I don't try to push anyone to lose faith.  I push everyone to think about what they believe and care whether or not it's factually true.  If that causes them to lose their faith, so be it.  I do that for everything, not just religion.

I think this is a very good way to look at it.

That is: we want to help people we love grow in how they look at things; telling them what to see is not particularly helpful.

To extend the metaphor further:  If you go around jumping on people with glasses, holding them down, and polishing their lenses, well, you're a psycho.  But if someone comes up to you, hands you their glasses, and says "do these look clean to you?", the best thing you can do is pull out a cloth from your pocket and polish them.

[Spooky]

I think that unless they approach you for an honest discussion, leaning on them will likely push them further away.

I'm sorry you have to see them like that. It must be very frustrating.

This. As the saying goes "if it ain't broke don't fix it".

These seem like the most harmless of christians.