A World Made For Believers, Obviously By The Divine

[LivingNumbers6.626]

I sat in a drunken stupor
Without wonder 
But regret

I puffed that cigarette 
Like the four just before
Now my pack lies never more

Trapped in my head
Lost in thought
Regretting the incompetence I bought

Or perhaps it was bought
No earned
No...fate, fate bestowed me this gift

Trapped in a believers world
Rendered in the mess unfurled
And given like scraps for the believers to "fix"

So I'll let them fix me
Just like Galileo "allowed" it
But I hope my "fix" doesn't kill me

And if it does, let them read my work in the classrooms of the future
Just like Galileo
_________________________________________________________________________________

Just a free thought/free verse poem to assist my untimely "soul" to rest. 

I have no job, no wife, and no money anymore. I'm sorry. I feel like I just come on here to sulk like a little b*tch but this is my only community to reach out to. 

I live with my family still but the back handed comments about my apostasy are killing me. The insult my every being. The comments regarding my failed college career, my bipolar/anger/depression/anxiety, my joblessness are all attributed to my apostacy. If only I had that mormon "gospel" and stayed within the fold then I would be squeaky clean of trial and tribulation. 

Probably not,  but it may end the resentment, comments, and the "look" of a father who has lost hope in a son but his only hope is that he will again be mormon some day. The game is...treat his son like a broken and lost tool and soon he will see the light and come back to the fold. 

This is a non-oral reality, but I see it and I hear it when other comments are made. Well okay then. Because I have no place to live, no job, and no money...I will play this game. In fact, I will beat them at it. I will be the prodigal son, and I will return as my respect for their beliefs and silence is not enough. I will convert. I will kiss the feet of my father and scream out to the Father in prayer like all the Sheep of the Shepherd. At least for now. At least until survival is no longer my life style. I'll be 22 years old next month for goodness sake!! I need a way to work back up the ladder again and homelessness is not an option so I will play this game. I will be Peter Priesthood yet again for a short time. Work through rebaptism, priesthood ordination, and whatever else until I get out of here. I've debated homelessness as a better option but my health will not permit such a direction. I do need insulin and I do need pills. I do need food and I do love my family. So I must do this until I am again self reliant to appease, shock, and hopefully "make my father proud". And once I am...I will walk away and never come back. My finances will be impeccable and my self care will be eternal. 

I will never again have to rely on the world of the believers and I will live a life of my own. Till then, my life? Riddled in subtle lies. If this does not work then group living may be the next step...God, make this work.  hahahahaha

 

[robvalue]

I'm very sorry to hear this What happened if I may ask?

It makes me absolutely sick when theists use misfortune as a way of scoring points and trying to force conversions. It's about the lowest form of tactics imaginable. It's about as bad as trying to get someone who is in agony hooked on heroin.

Of course believing in bullshit wouldn't have made any difference. Not directly. But sadly we live in a world where pretending to believe in bullshit can sometimes prevent you from harm others will do to you. So being atheist can't hurt you, but ignorant people can.

I hope things work out for you soon my friend. Bitch an moan as much as you like, feel free to send me a PM if you want, anytime

[Brian37]

If you are an atheist you are not a prodigal son. You have not strayed, you have escaped delusion. It can be lonely being a minority, but accepting reality is not a popularity contest. If others reject you because you dont fit into their social norms that is their baggage, not yours.

[dyresand]

It's there irrational baggage its not your own now. You have free'd yourself from a irrational delusion of superstition and gods and demons.
Embrace reality do not reject it like those who have the delusion. Reality is great it's always accepting unlike those who carry the baggage.

[KevinM1]

That sucks, man

Do what you need to do in order to get yourself back on your feet, but at the first opportunity move the fuck away from where ever you are. And don't let anyone who would chastise, harass, stalk, or otherwise bother you know where you've gone.

[Minimalist]

Anyone who believes that mormon bullshit is nuts to begin with so there isn't much hope for your family.

One step from scientology.

[John V]

I have no job, no wife, and no money anymore.

Hey, at least your pets' heads aren't falling off.

[Mystic]

My family treated me well when I left Islam. I'm sorry to hear your family is not treating you well.

[Mothonis]

I have no job, no wife, and no money anymore.

Hey, at least your pets' heads aren't falling off.

 what do you mean ?

[Lek]

Why do you think that pretending to become a mormon will make you self-sufficient?   It sounds like your bipolar disorder and depression are your biggest  reasons for your current state.  Maybe you are not perceiving things the way they really are.  It seems your family loves you and it's probably true that they wish you would go back to mormonism, but you say that the way they feel about your situation is not presented orally, but rather you can tell from other things they say.  Are you exaggerating what you perceive?  You say that you love your family.  Why not just accept their love and love them back?  You don't have to accept their mormonism, but you can respect them and their beliefs and let them know about your beliefs in a respectful manner.  I don't see any reason to use them to get back on your feet and then blow them off.  Why not accept their love and love them in return?  Many people living in the streets don't have caring families that will give them help.  You're lucky.  Anyway, I do hope that you are getting the right medication and that you can pull things together.  Hey man, your're only 22 and you have many years ahead.  Others have gotten through things like this and you can too.  Find some others who have faced similar experiences and use them for role models.  If they can do it, you can too.