Another way of looking at depression

[Losty]

Looks like I am the only one who has ever reached the bottom of depression.

I'm not sure if my rock bottom was caused entirely by depression but I've definitely been there

[Cyberman]

Because the mobile version only shows the first page of the topic and if there are any others, I can't see them. Clicking on"next page" does nothing.
Well, in case I am not the only one, then what can I say? "Sorry", maybe?

Have you tried clicking the little green arrow beside the thread title? I'm having to use the mobile site all the time, that's all I end up doing.

[Edwardo Piet]

I've been at rock bottom, but I haven't even been close to there in years.

[rado84]

You were right - clicking the blue forum button did it.
But let's stay on topic. What did you mean by "rock bottom"?

[Edwardo Piet]

For me rock bottom is getting to the point where you want to end your life knowing there is no turning back. In my case I was psychotic at the time but mental health wise that's still at the bottom IMO regardless of the fact it wasn't exactly the real 'me' that desired death because I wasn't even thinking clearly.

[Faith No More]

Anyone have any thoughts on exogenous vs endogenous depression?

They often go hand in hand.  In fact, I think in many cases people start by developing endogenous, which is in turn exacerbated by the exogenous.  That's how it was in my case.  I was around 13 when these feelings of loneliness and despair started creeping over me.  By the time I was 15 I had developed suicidal tendencies, but then I found a girl.  It was if she fixed everything that was broken in me.  I no longer felt depressed.  It wasn't anything more than just a high school crush, but I was so desperate for something like that that I was overwhelmed by how good I felt just thinking about her.  After three months, she broke up on me, and full blown, all-consuming depression.  I ended up in the mental hospital for the first time just a few months later.

I believe those that experience only exogenous  depression have a much easier time coping with their depression, because they have the ability to analyze the external pressures that have caused their depression.  Whereas, those with endogenous depression are fighting against an unseen enemy.

The worst, though, is when you suffer from strong endogenous depression, and then you get hit hard by external factors.  It was two years after I had pulled myself out from rock bottom(tried to kill myself) when I found my best friend's body after he had hung himself.  That sent me into very dark places.

[Faith No More]

Looks like I am the only one who has ever reached the bottom of depression. It turned out it's not easy at all for one to kill themselves. I tried 2-3 years ago and failed. But that failed attempt gave me a new perspective of life, so to speak and made a new person of me. Not a positive one, though. Guess I just accepted the fact I'll have to go through life whether I want it or not and to do it all alone without a partner to share good and bad with.

You must have missed the post where I talked about my suicide attempt. Shit, I've hit rock bottom three times.

[Faith No More]

Because the mobile version only shows the first page of the topic and if there are any others, I can't see them. Clicking on"next page" does nothing.
Well, in case I am not the only one, then what can I say? "Sorry", maybe?

Mine was in the third post.

[brewer]

Thank you. Not being a sufferer, at least not at this time, I was hoping for a discussion of both by those that suffer.

Exo, by itself, can be self limiting, (i.e. death of a loved one) a depression that can be expected but often abates on it's own. I have experienced this.

Exo on a continuing basis (i.e. long term suffering of a physical disease for which there is no cure) can lead to an endo like state.

Endo has the ability to alter perceptions of situations where exo does not.

Endo when confronted with exo may exacerbate or have no effect on the endo.

Both endo and exo can be treated with the same modalities.

[abaris]

Both endo and exo can be treated with the same modalities.

Or can they? If the circumstances don't change you can keep the symptoms in check by taking medication, which has all kinds of side effects, such as constantly feeling tired and the total absence of any libido.

OK, I didn't want to go there, but here's my life story and the probable reasons for why my depression got the better of me. I didn't have a single happy day in the last 16 years. In 2000 my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He died two years later. I cared for my mother, who was kind of an alcoholic and depressive herself for the next six years, which left hardly any time for my own needs. At the same time I had to keep up a job I hate, with daily abuse and strain to earn the necessary funds to keep us going. Fast forward to 2008. At the end of that year, my mother got terminally ill and died three months later. Just in time for the global crisis to hit, which caused me to lose everything I worked for in the previous decades. I lost my parental home on the way, and am living now in a tiny apartment. Ever since then I'm struggling to survive, and by that I mean that I don't even know where this months rent is supposed to come from. I'm talking about a measly 300 Euros here, which I don't have.

These are the exo reasons and the reason why I said I can't change anything about them. I'm 53, and by the standards of our beautiful world I'm already human garbage. Nobody is looking to offer someone my age a job.