Sad Scenario: Is He Your Husband or Your Project?

[WinterHold]

Everybody changes, and everybody is capable of change. But the question is: "why would I change"? why would I carry that one heavy load when I have a house, a family, wife, maybe even kids? there is no reason for me as a man to change.

[vorlon13]

Mever dated, never had sex, and never realized I was in love with Brian for years, and yet I was profoundly changed.

[*Deidre*]

My mother told me a saying a few years ago:

“Men marry a woman hoping she’ll always remain the same but women marry men, hoping they’ll change.”

Obviously if someone is mistreating you, they should want to change that behavior but if you’re the type that is always trying to change your S.O., you’re either with the wrong person or need to figure out why you’re doing that.

[LadyForCamus]

Chris and I have changed together over the years. There were things he did that bothered me (he had trust issues and a very black and white mind set) and things I did that bothered him (I was younger, and very immature) but after 12 years together we’ve each grown separately to kind of meet each other the middle. I feel like we grew into our relationship, and filled out a marriage. But damn, when I was in college I loved them bad boys! 😝

[Little lunch]

It's the fault of parents.
They teach girls how to live properly and let boys be boys.

[The Industrial Atheist]

As a guy with a psychological disability, one of the worst things is not knowing if even a woman that also has a disability would demand that I work full time, which may be something I can't do.

I suppose there is some mercy in just outright rejection.

[Joods]

One shouldn't enter into a relationship unless they can say they would be perfectly happy with being alone the rest of their lives. If you can't be happy with yourself, why would you ever expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness? Furthermore, how can you bring happiness to a relationship if you can't find it on your own? I think it's very selfish to require that someone else make you happy.

What you bring to a relationship shouldn't be less or more than what your partner should be bringing.

The two people should be supportive of one another. One person shouldn't have to carry the relationship by themselves. Grudges and resentment can build up when one person feels like they are the only one working on anything. And all relationships take work. Friendships take work. Familial relationships take work. Intimate relationships take work too. If one isn't up to putting in their fair share, they shouldn't be in one.

[The Valkyrie]

Wife: That’s it! I’ve had it. I’ve given you the best twenty years of my life. I’ve done everything I know how to do, but you’re hopeless. You’ll never change.

Husband: I never asked you to change me.

And he walks out.

********

When I was a teenager, my stepfather told me to accept a man as he is or leave him alone. That’s true. The only man a woman can ever change is her son, and that only up until he’s potty trained.


So what are you looking at:” a husband or a project?

A victim.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Arguably the best line from a great film, 'As Good As It Gets'.  Helen Hunt and Jack Nicholson are having a spat, and she tells him that he needs to pay her a compliment.  After going on about his medication for a few beats, he says, 'You make me want to be a better man.'

Women don't change men and men don't change women, but people often change for the sake of the other person.  That is to say, someone about whom you care deeply can be the impetus for a change for the better that you make for yourself.

Boru

[Rhondazvous]

Mever dated, never had sex, and never realized I was in love with Brian for years, and yet I was profoundly changed.

It's fortunate to find someone who points us in the direction we need to go so subtly that we don't even see their finger.