Destruction of self confidence

[Belacqua]

You know I really didn't notice it so much, but considering that at one point in my life I had zero self confidence in myself that might've been the reason why.

You know, I think the ideal situation is to have a very accurate perception of oneself. To know without delusions what your strengths and weaknesses are. 

It's just an ideal, and probably impossible to get exactly right. But it's a goal.

So people who think too highly of themselves tend to stand out and become annoying. They advertise their wisdom and importance and after a while it's clear they don't live up to it. 

But there are no doubt plenty of people who under-evaluate themselves, also. For whatever reason, they don't appreciate their own qualities and think worse of themselves than they deserve. 

The trouble is that no quality which is important to our humanity is quantifiable. How wise you are, or how generous, or how kind, or how talented, or how capable of contributing to the community -- none of these things can be given a number value. And since there's no objective test, how we evaluate ourselves can be influenced in overly subjective ways. An unkind teacher, or an overly strict parent, or a run of bad luck, can leave a person feeling far more worthless than she really is. 

And all of these important qualities are constantly in flux. A person might feel completely untalented, for example, as a child, but given a good teacher and a certain amount of dedication she might blossom in middle age. 

Like so many things, I suppose we could blame churches for this if we wanted to. There seem to be some sentences from the Bible that tell people not to be proud. But there are also churches which give their members far too much pride -- they think that just because they sit in the pew it makes them some kind of superior human. But since there are also non-religious labels one can give oneself to develop an undeserved sense of superiority, I don't see churches as particularly bad about this. It's just a human flaw.

[The Grand Nudger]

A religion that insists that all of humanity are a bunch of lowly fallen worms can't credibly both sides on this one. Humans are full of flaws, no need to add to the pile with christianity.

[brewer]

Most of the christians I encounter IRL certainly have a superior/entitled attitude.

In my youth, catholic friends would tell me that they made shit up in confessional. They said it was just easier to get it over with.

[arewethereyet]

Most of the christians I encounter IRL certainly have a superior/entitled attitude.

In my youth, catholic friends would tell me that they made shit up in confessional. They said it was just easier to get it over with.

I remember walking from the school to the church to go to our weekly confession session. On the walk I would try to come up with sins to confess to. I was around eleven and just really wasn't doing a whole lot of sinning...but we had to say something so we could get our little dose of advice from the priest and say our standard penance of prayers so that we could take communion on Sunday.

So essentially, I was lying in order to meet the expectation of having to confess to something. I suppose the next week I could just confess to lying the previous week...and the circle goes 'round and 'round.

[emjay]

Most of the christians I encounter IRL certainly have a superior/entitled attitude.

In my youth, catholic friends would tell me that they made shit up in confessional. They said it was just easier to get it over with.

I remember walking from the school to the church to go to our weekly confession session. On the walk I would try to come up with sins to confess to. I was around eleven and just really wasn't doing a whole lot of sinning...but we had to say something so we could get our little dose of advice from the priest and say our standard penance of prayers so that we could take communion on Sunday.

So essentially, I was lying in order to meet the expectation of having to confess to something. I suppose the next week I could just confess to lying the previous week...and the circle goes 'round and 'round.

Wow, I had no idea Catholicism was like that; the extent of their cynicism, assuming that people are constantly sinning... so that you actually had to make things up to keep them happy. I guess if you'd gone in there and said "I really didn't sin this week" they'd either accuse you of lying or of pride? Sorry you, or anyone, had to be indoctrinated with messages like that (I grew up Protestant so forgiveness was between you and God... no middle man required and no ritual about it, just as and when... don't mean that's any better in terms of indoctrination but it's very different messages).

[brewer]

To be honest I was the good little lutheran soldier bot until I reached my age of defiance.

I don't think it would take much prompting for me to regurgitate the nicene creed after 50+ years.

[emjay]

To be honest I was the good little lutheran soldier bot until I reached my age of defiance.

I don't think it would take much prompting for me to regurgitate the nicene creed after 50+ years.

Sorry, I had to look that up... Lutheran is Protestant? But nicene creed is Catholic? Sorry, I'm a bit confused. Basically if I was to try and describe the sort of Protestantism I grew up it's basically the complete opposite of ritual... what you call 'happy clappy' churches... ones where even having a church building is considered not a great thing (ie because of graven images etc), so the church is more defined as the group of people rather than the building.

[The Grand Nudger]

Catholics and protestants both agree that man is a fallen creature. Hell, the protestants are the ones who took it to the nth on that issue.

[arewethereyet]

I remember walking from the school to the church to go to our weekly confession session.  On the walk I would try to come up with sins to confess to.  I was around eleven and just really wasn't doing a whole lot of sinning...but we had to say something so we could get our little dose of advice from the priest and say our standard penance of prayers so that we could take communion on Sunday.

So essentially, I was lying in order to meet the expectation of having to confess to something.  I suppose the next week I could just confess to lying the previous week...and the circle goes 'round and 'round.

Wow, I had no idea Catholicism was like that; the extent of their cynicism, assuming that people are constantly sinning... so that you actually had to make things up to keep them happy. I guess if you'd gone in there and said "I really didn't sin this week" they'd either accuse you of lying or of pride? Sorry you, or anyone, had to be indoctrinated with messages like that (I grew up Protestant so forgiveness was between you and God... no middle man required and no ritual about it, just as and when... don't mean that's any better in terms of indoctrination but it's very different messages).

We were pretty well coached by the nuns who were our teachers...old school nuns in black habits who looked like crows.

It was minor stuff I came up with...I was disrespectful to my parents, I told a lie...stuff like that. Had I been disrespectful to my parents I'd have had hell to pay at home...whatever God may have done to me wasn't all that scary compared to mom and dad in a fit of temper.

The kids I went to school with were used to it. I didn't get there till 6th grade and all my classmates had been there from the time they started school and since they had their first communion at about age 6, it was already expected that they had to confess as we must be sinning up a storm by age 11.

Can you imagine confessing your sins when you were in first grade?

[Angrboda]