Sexual desire seems to be a curse for men

[Belacqua]

I view it a bit like a game, some people are on tutorial mode and some people are playing Doom, on the highest difficulty with no cheats only using the knuckleduster.

Its a dog eat dog World and after all the workplace cheating I've seen going on with my own eyes I've become skeptical of the value in official relationships and marriage.

I currently have children with a woman I like and I don't cheat or pursue other women.
When I watch social media I see videos on how men should act, dress, live, down to the right amount of eye contact to give women. It makes me glad I'm not involved in all that anymore.

I'm not innocent though, I've only calmed down after spending over a decade pursuing anything that moved on any kind of social website or app I could find.

If you read about the upper classes in different societies, sexual monogamy was not always required. Usually for men, and often for women, there were unwritten customs about how you could have an active sex life outside of marriage. 

Generally the idea was that marriage was an arrangement for the good of the family line and for society -- not the individual. Once the couple had done its duty and produced an heir and a spare, different sexual rules came into play. So for example in upper-class Vienna until the War, both men and women frequently took lovers. The rules were that the lovers had to be from your same social class -- no open fooling around with the gardener. And the side relationships were expected to be somewhat devoted; too much switching around would make you seem unserious. 

In Italy it was normal for a married woman to form a semi-permanent relationship with a paramour. He acted as her social support and guide as well as lover, and as long as it followed the unwritten rules it was accepted in society. Husbands wouldn't complain because they were likely acting as paramour for some other lady. Again, the paramour had to be of the same social level, or occasionally a younger man who seemed to have a promising career. For example, if the lady's husband was a general in the army, the lady might select one of her husband's lieutenants or adjutants. Not a common soldier, though. This was accepted and the only trouble-makers were people like Byron or Casanova who tried to be the third unofficial lover, offering sex but no social standing. 

Japan had similar arrangements. Often of course the men were freer than the women, since making sure that the children were legitimate was important for inheritance reasons. But unofficial half-siblings were not unheard of. 

It would be interesting to hear about how the lower classes handled these things, but they tended not to record their lives in writing as much. 

Anyway, it appears you're right that lifelong monogamy is a difficult thing to demand, and different societies have found ways to accommodate this.

[Jehanne]

@Belacqua

And, your point is?

[arewethereyet]

@Belacqua

And, your point is?

He read books about the upper classes.

There are few original thoughts.

[The Grand Nudger]

I don't know how far anyone would get demanding lifelong monogamy. You kind of ask, and if the others persons down, it's a go..and if not, well, not so much. Or, at least, that's been my experience.

[Fireball]

I'd put it more like my wife and I expect monogamy. It's worked for 41 years. Pretty funny when the priest that officiated our wedding saw us a few years after and was surprised that we were still married. If he had those kind of doubts, why did he agree to officiate? He hadn't a clue about us, obviously.

[arewethereyet]

I'd put it more like my wife and I expect monogamy. It's worked for 41 years. Pretty funny when the priest that officiated our wedding saw us a few years after and was surprised that we were still married. If he had those kind of doubts, why did he agree to officiate? He hadn't a clue about us, obviously.

Pretty much no one expected husband and I to last, and we were told as much by everyone from our boss to family and friends...it's been 30+ years now and was not the first marriage for either of us.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Married four times, monogamous for the duration.

[Fireball]

I'd put it more like my wife and I expect monogamy. It's worked for 41 years. Pretty funny when the priest that officiated our wedding saw us a few years after and was surprised that we were still married. If he had those kind of doubts, why did he agree to officiate? He hadn't a clue about us, obviously.

Pretty much no one expected husband and I to last, and we were told as much by everyone from our boss to family and friends...it's been 30+ years now and was not the first marriage for either of us.

Congratulations on a lasting relationship! I know how tough it can be.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Based on personal experience and observation, it is quite easy to notice that men are on the constant pursue of women, mainly with the objective of having sex with them. The desire for a relationship may depend on several factors, such as falling in love with her, which can happen at first sight or after some time of friendship, or after certain age at which company is more desirable than lust. 

Nonetheless, for young men, such scenario of having a strong sexual desire, and not being able to easily satiate it, albeit temporaly, creates feelings of frustration, and even anger and resentment, which unfortunately have to be endured. And thus, men enter a vicious cycle, which makes them waste resources, time, and forces them to act into sometimes awkward and uncomfortable social situations, such as approaching women, which may lead into unfavorable situations. 

The option of prostitution is always available, which can be a curse in itself. Most men want to be desired the same way they desire women. Unfortunately nature decided to create women in a different a fashion. Prostitution has many shortcomings, like the possibility of being scammed or STD, the emptiness which one may feel after the act, or not finding a woman attractive enough. Using this service frequency can also become very expensive. 

Only few men are lucky enough to sleep with either highly attractive women, be it due to their looks, social circle, socio-economic status, etc., or with a woman they deem worthy of a relationship and capable of good sex. Now, these both scenarios do not satiate the desire of men permanently, but on a regular basis it keeps him satisfied, and the feelings of resentment and frustration disappear.  Still, the desire for different women will probably remain, although not as strong, as before.

Women know of such fact, either based on observation, experience, or instinct. And will use it as a weapon against man, mainly manipulation. Like the donkey that cases the carrot, man chases the woman who, might or might not, give him sex, which, will unlikely, fully please him, keeping him into the vicious cycle.

There is no solution to this dilemma, only ways to cope and keep the desire under control. Nonetheless, most men will still chase women, since the idea of putting one's sexuality aside is disagreeable. Time is limited, specially youth, and thus having as much sex as possible while feasible is something most men can not simply ignore, again, forcing them into this vicious cycle. 

Only time can end lust, in the fashion only death can end life.

Not having read any other replies, what's wrong with treating women as people and accepting that sometimes you just don't click?

If you wake up in the morning and the first person you meet is an asshole, okay, you've met an asshole. but if every person you meet through the day is an asshole, who's the common denominator?

You might want to treat women as people and and not objects or targets, just sayin'.

[Ranjr]

Monogamy?  No thanks, I prefer shreakers