(April 1, 2019 at 7:18 pm)Yonadav Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:15 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: : wonders what ragefully dialing the cops looks like :

It would have been the right thing to do though. She absolutely violated the law when she physically blocked him from exiting the building. You know damn well you would support a woman calling the police in exactly the same situation.

That depends, actually.

Simply blocking a doorway with no physical act or threat is not a criminal offense. 

A past history of the blocker being violent could very well compel me to advise a person call the police on their spouse; just to be on the safe side in case shit goes down. But in absent of that AND in having no physical act or threat present, calling the cops isn't typically the go-to in these situations.

Many reasonable, non-violent people DO do this sometimes. It simply means "Hey...I'm not done talking, yet."

(April 1, 2019 at 8:16 pm)Thena323 Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:18 pm)Yonadav Wrote: It would have been the right thing to do though. She absolutely violated the law when she physically blocked him from exiting the building. You know damn well you would support a woman calling the police in exactly the same situation.

That depends, actually.

Simply blocking a doorway with no physical act or threat is not a criminal offense. 

A past history of the blocker being violent could very well compel me to advise a person call the police on their spouse; just to be on the safe side in case shit goes down. But in absent of that AND in having no physical act or threat present, calling the cops isn't typically the go-to in these situations.

Many reasonable, non-violent people DO do this sometimes. It simply means "Hey...I'm not done talking, yet."

During a fight? It doesn't depend. The person who blocks the person who is trying to walk away is the aggressor. And I guarantee you that the police would order her to step out of the way, once he called them.

(April 1, 2019 at 7:46 pm)Belaqua Wrote:

(April 1, 2019 at 7:24 pm)bennyboy Wrote: But I'm trying to carry on an honest discussion about feelings

Oh well, there's your problem.

Honest discussion? 

Gae is a violent man and a bully. He's not at all ashamed of his criminal past. He likes to type vulgar insults. There's no doubt at all that he's done way more stupid things than you have, some of it while acting as a state sanctioned purveyor of violence in the military. 

People build up their rage and then are happy to find an outlet. By attempting honest discussion that diverges a tiny bit from the current norm, you give them that opportunity. If they really opposed bad things, they'd go fight white supremacists or Eliot Abrams or any of the infinite number of truly bad things. But you and Yonadev are more convenient. (It's just like prayer; they get to express their feelings and gain the illusion that they've accomplished something.)

The demographics of these forums are pretty tightly clumped for the most part.  I knew when I started the thread that things would go much like this.

But that's okay.  If it brings out some bad feelings in me, that's also okay.  If I don't like what I read, I can walk away for a while and figure out what I want to say next.

I don't pretend that rage is well-adapted to civilized society.  However, I think it's disingenuous to pretend that among males it isn't an extremely common emotion, and that talking through it isn't worthwhile.

As for Gae-- if there isn't a Gae-fist-sized hole in a door or wall somewhere in his house right now today, or hasn't been one in the 10 years since the incident I'm describing, I'll be sincerely surprised.

In fact, I'll be surprised if there's ANYONE in this thread who hasn't at some point smashed a dish in the kitchen, or turned over a table, or punched a door or wall when they hadn't intended to.  I really don't believe that all these people who will openly judge and mock my story don't have various gradations of a similar story of their own.

Maybe I'm wrong.  But I doubt it.

Let's look at some definitions...

an·ger
[ˈaNGɡər]

NOUN
a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

rage
[rāj]

NOUN
violent, uncontrollable anger.

See the difference? People get angry and that's a pretty normal thing depending on a person's general makeup and the situation at hand.

Rage is anger out of control.

If you are throwing TVs (or anything similar around) and you think that's a normal response you need to work on your extreme reactions.

If you want someone here to tell you it's okay to rage because you can't control yourself...it won't be me. I grew up with a father who was a rager and it is frightening to watch and frightening to be the target of.

Anger - normal.

Rage - out of control and violent.

Doesn't matter if it's a man or woman who has rage issues.

Your wife and kids are being damaged by not only your blowups but also the threat of your blowups.

(April 1, 2019 at 8:16 pm)Thena323 Wrote: Simply blocking a doorway with no physical act or threat is not a criminal offense. 

I believe that blocking any citizen's ability to move freely constitutes arrest, and that preventing someone from leaving a building by blocking a door constitutes false imprisonment.

That being said, I'm not sure about the legality of pushing someone out of the way in order to move freely-- in the case of a husband and wife, I'd be very surprised if touching her at all in that state wouldn't end up in a domestic abuse charge.

Quote:Many reasonable, non-violent people DO do this sometimes. It simply means "Hey...I'm not done talking, yet."

Okay, we've been on opposite sides frequently in almost every kind of discussion. But let me ask you what you would do if a man said, "I don't want to talk about this right now, because I'm beginning to feel upset. I need to get out of here right now, and we can talk about it later." Would you attempt to prevent him from leaving?

Depends, he gonna throw a tv?

(April 1, 2019 at 8:31 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: If you want someone here to tell you it's okay to rage because you can't control yourself...it won't be me.  I grew up with a father who was a rager and it is frightening to watch and frightening to be the target of.

Many millions of people have fathers, or husbands or boyfriends like that. It's a problem, and I suspect it's an extremely common one.

Someone wants to be told that it's okay.

Some of the slack folks may have heard that I've been known to throw dishes into the woods screaming - not at my wife....at ghosts.  It's the kind of thing that people need therapy and treatment for, not a window into a friendly argument for the "rage of man". Launching into a hissy fit and wrecking your stuff because the wife says things you don't like isn't manly or masculine, at all. It's not somehow built into the gender. It's wasteful, stupid, and disturbing. You seem to know this.

The sort of thing you're talking about is a prelude to domestic violence. You need to see someone, not avoid her.

(April 1, 2019 at 8:40 pm)Gae Bolga Wrote: Depends, he gonna throw a tv?

Well, that's the thing. . . I think we all know that if someone says they're angry, and then says they are beginning to be enraged, that the next event in that timeline is unlikely to be a kiss on the cheek.

It's not like I planned to throw a giant TV.  My frustration at being impeded triggered an adrenaline rush, and then the TV was in my hands.

---

(April 1, 2019 at 8:42 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: Someone wants to be told that it's okay.

I've never said it's okay.  I've said that it's human, and it's so common that it can be considered a trait of the human species.  It's not too much different than a pissed-off gorilla shaking a tree I think.

The problem is that blaming or demonizing doesn't work.  Do you think that any of the names you might call me are likely to make me say, "Oh yeah. . . maybe I SHOULDN'T have thrown a TV.  Oops. . . my mistake"