My life changed alot when I left the church. I was once an extreme fundamentalist and literalist when it came to biblical interpretation. Although, I knew about parables and allegories within the scriptures the historical tales were considered true no matter how rediculous for example: the tale of Jonah and his living inside a big fish for three days and nights. I lived my life always looking for ways to please god, my life was never my own. I worked towards being as Christ like in my life as humanly possible. Because I dealt alot with demons and exorcisms I fasted once a week and prayed constantly.

God to me was my heavenly father and at the same time I feared him greatly. I wanted to please him at all times. But the greatest fear of all was the fear of going to hell and constantly thinking to myself: "if I died suddenly right now at this moment would I be worthy to enter into gods kingdom"? I wanted to make sure that my heavenly father was pleased with me at all times. And those times when I faltered in my faith I can honestly say that the fear was great and the guilt was unbearable. I only watched xtian programming on television, heard xtian music on the radio, and talked about Jesus everywhere I went. I preached at home, work, on the train, in the streets, you name it.

When I finally began to pull away from my former life and was able to justify my experiences through science and other disciplines I felt a release like no other. I felt free from what I now call spiritual oppression due to my extreme religiosity. I don't regret leaving the church and feel the my life is better for it. I don't feel a need for god and feel like I have my head out of the clouds and my feet planted firmly on the ground.

(December 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm)chatpilot Wrote: My life changed alot when I left the church. I was once an extreme fundamentalist and literalist when it came to biblical interpretation. Although, I knew about parables and allegories within the scriptures the historical tales were considered true no matter how rediculous for example: the tale of Jonah and his living inside a big fish for three days and nights. I lived my life always looking for ways to please god, my life was never my own. I worked towards being as Christ like in my life as humanly possible. Because I dealt alot with demons and exorcisms I fasted once a week and prayed constantly.

God to me was my heavenly father and at the same time I feared him greatly. I wanted to please him at all times. But the greatest fear of all was the fear of going to hell and constantly thinking to myself: "if I died suddenly right now at this moment would I be worthy to enter into gods kingdom"? I wanted to make sure that my heavenly father was pleased with me at all times. And those times when I faltered in my faith I can honestly say that the fear was great and the guilt was unbearable. I only watched xtian programming on television, heard xtian music on the radio, and talked about Jesus everywhere I went. I preached at home, work, on the train, in the streets, you name it.

When I finally began to pull away from my former life and was able to justify my experiences through science and other disciplines I felt a release like no other. I felt free from what I now call spiritual oppression due to my extreme religiosity. I don't regret leaving the church and feel the my life is better for it. I don't feel a need for god and feel like I have my head out of the clouds and my feet planted firmly on the ground.

Fascinating, sounds like you were really in the deep end. Glad you managed to swim your way back to the surface

What were the most common techniques you used for evangelizing? Did you often try to guilt people into Xtian faith or approach them from a good-news perspective?

I tried to be as honest as possible with evangelizing. I spoke mostly about the virtues of being a Christian in the service of the Lord. I never judged people since I believed that that was not my job but the work of the spirit. Basically, I told them about the lord and his sacrifice for all of humanity. I assured them that when the world turned their back on you god never did nor never will. All it took was for you to surrender your life and will to the will of god. I tried to be practical and not to give people false hopes.

There are alot of people out there in the world going through tough times dealing with the daily struggles of life. Many of them have burned so many bridges with friends and family that they have no one. Religious belief was the ailment to soothe their souls and bring peace into their lives in the midst of the storm. The bible speaks of a peace that surpasses all understanding and that was the gospel I preached. I told people don't come to god for selfish reasons such as illness, hard times, or special favor. Just come to god because he is our heavenly father and he cares about you and what is best for you.

I was in about as deep as you can go without joining some kind of insane cult. I personally was too knowledgeable on matters of the bible to get sucked into those cults. At times though I would go to various churches on my free time to evaluate their teachings according to those in the scriptures. I like to know most things first hand I don't let a preacher who wrote a book about Jehovas Witnesses being false. I bought their bible study guides and books directly from some friends at work that were JW's.

Wow chatpilot that is a moving story. It gives me hope for the human race. Maybe someday we'll all outgrow our need for religion.

Thanks binny, my walk with the lord was very close that is why it was so hard for me to pull away from it. Weaning myself from my reliance on god and my religious beliefs took years but in the end it was well worth the struggle.

(December 15, 2009 at 12:35 am)chatpilot Wrote: Thanks binny, my walk with the lord was very close that is why it was so hard for me to pull away from it. Weaning myself from my reliance on god and my religious beliefs took years but in the end it was well worth the struggle.

I agree, that was a moving story and you seemed very deep into religion. It's a shame what religion does do lots of good people on a daily basis. I do have some questions however if you don't mind?

(December 14, 2009 at 3:08 pm)chatpilot Wrote: When I finally began to pull away from my former life and was able to justify my experiences through science and other disciplines I felt a release like no other. I felt free from what I now call spiritual oppression due to my extreme religiosity. I don't regret leaving the church and feel the my life is better for it. I don't feel a need for god and feel like I have my head out of the clouds and my feet planted firmly on the ground.

Were you able to justify ALL of your experience and do you mind digging a little deeper and sharing some of those.

Also you said you worshiped out of fear of God? Why do you think that was?

"Were you able to justify ALL of your experience and do you mind digging a little deeper and sharing some of those."

One of the main experiences and the most easiest to explain away was my personal spiritual struggle. Oftentimes at night I would feel as if someone or force had sat on my chest and I would hear voices and would be paralyzed for a minute or so completely unable to move. When I cried out to god in my mind since my mouth felt as if it was covered and my voice could not come out, it would release me. In the ministry I believed that this was a direct attack by demons because of my active role in wresting souls from future perdition through my ministry. After some research I found that they have a sleep disorder called hallucinatory sleep paralysis which was the condition I suffer from to this day. You can read a quick article on it at this link http://www.essortment.com/all/paralysissleep_rauu.htm so much for the demon attacks.

I found many links with the placebo effect and faith healing, also, when it comes to people falling out on the altar with my spoken word or a glance (being slain in the spirit) the subconscious mind and some hypnosis have alot to do with that. I think that most evangelists whether intentional or unintentionally use hypnosis techniques to influence their followers. More on this later.

"Also you said you worshiped out of fear of God? Why do you think that was?"

The fear I felt was more out of respect for the lord but the greatest fear I endured was the fear of hell. The question that always nagged at me was as stated earlier "if I was to die right now would the lord deem me worthy of inheriting the kingdom"? I was always worried about being prepared for the end. Pentecostalism in the extreme rejoice when bad things happen thinking they are the fulfillment of biblical end time prophecy and signs as interpreted by themselves.

I think it's very necessary that any experience is able to be interpreted either way. I guess the trick is being aware of that. The issue is with coercion. The point of belief is what it adds to your quality of life. If it's adding nothing why believe.

I think anything taken to the extreme is unhealthy this includes religious beliefs and practices. I took my religion way too serious and my experience turned out to be a negative one in the long run.

Definately agreed on both of the last 2 posts and I'm thankful you made it out of your ordeal with your sanity.