Offensive Jokes

[Losty]

Do you know how many times Losty laughs at Cthulhu's offensive joke?

Once when it's told, once when it's explained to her, and once when she finally gets it. :p

-_-

[Cyberman]

Bloke says to his wife: "I fancy trying out something I read on the internet tonight. I'm going to get the baby out of her cot, then lube up her arsehole and jam my cock right up it and fuck her arse off. Then when I'm about to spunk, I'll pull out and shove my dick in her face, smearing it with shit and cum till it fills her nose and mouth."

The wife said, "Over my dead body!"

He looked at her and said, "Jeez, you're into some weird shit."

[Losty]

I cried

[AFTT47]

How can you tell an Ethiopian is rich?

He has a Rolex around his waist.

[Cyberman]

Why can't Madeleine McCann play XBox Kinect?

Because I've only got a PS3.

[FatAndFaithless]

A young man lives at home with his parents and his elderly grandfather.

The man is sitting in his family room, playing videogames, while his grandfather reads in his armchair with a stern, unhappy look on his face. Finally the grandfather slams down his book and glances angrily to the man.

"How old are you again?"

"Twenty-three, grandpa."

The grandfather scoffs in disgust, raising his fist in anger and nearly shouting.

"Twenty-three and still living in your parents' basement!? When I was your age, I traveled across Europe! My buddies and I went to Paris, and had the time of our lives! We owned the streets! Got into the most exclusive restaurants without a wait! We even went to a nightclub and I fucked a stripper on stage, and when they tried to make us pay we beat the shit out of the bouncers! We were real men! You need to grow up and do something that gets your blood flowing and stop being such a disappointing pussy!"

The man is silent for a few moments, then nods.

"Y'know what grandpa, you're right. I do need to get out and live life! I'm going to go to Paris myself and do the same things as you!"

A few weeks later, the young man returns home. The grandfather greets him, expecting a new, confident and driven version of his grandson. Instead he finds his grandson in a sling and neckbrace, with two huge black eyes.

"What the hell happened to you?!" The grandfather asks.

"I did the same things as you did! We barged our way into exclusive clubs, and they just threw us out. We tried to get out of paying our tabs, and we got roughed up by the bouncers. Worst of all, when I tried to get touchy with a stripper the bouncers beat the shit out of us and the police were called!*

"Well who the hell did you go with?" The grandfather asks.

"My high school buddies, who the hell did you go with?" replies the grandson.

"Well..you know, the other members of the SS."

[Minimalist]

An Indian chief is sitting at the fireside with his son when the son looks at him and says:

"Father, why is my brother named Soaring Eagle?"

The Chief answers:

"Well, son, your brother was our first child so we were very anxious that he be delivered safely. After a long night your mother gave birth to a healthy baby boy and he was placed in my arms for the first time and I stepped outside of the tepee to reflect on my great fortune and the first thing I saw was a magnificent eagle swirling in the sky. So I knew I must name him Soaring Eagle."

The son says: "Hmmmm" Then he asks:

"Father, why is my sister named Startled Fawn?"

The Indian Chief says:

"Well, your sister was our second child and after a long night your mother presented me with a daughter. I stepped outside the tepee and the first thing I saw was a beautiful fawn in the clearing who bounded off. It was so beautiful I knew I had to name my daughter Startled Fawn."

They sit in silence for a while. Then the Chief says:

"Why do you ask me these questions Two-Dogs-Fucking?"

[KUSA]

Man up Rob, don't be a pussy with your offensive jokes :p

---

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could prevent millions of mosquitoes of dying needlessly of AIDS.

---

If the camera adds 10 pounds, then do African kids even exist in real life?

---

Why do black people hate taking Aspirin?
They have to pick the cotton first.

---

Dats racist

---

[dyresand]

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".

[Minimalist]

Indian Chief "Two Eagles" was asked by a white U.S. government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government official then replied, "When white man find land, Indians runnning it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water, women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex."

Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve a system like that."