Custody Battle Update Thingy

[Erinome]

Well, mothers are like that. Especially when it comes to their sons and grandchildren.

Yeah. Well, as usual, no one is helping me. My mother is a bitch who hung up with me as I was in the middle of telling her what happened in court because "her dog needed her". I hope to raise all my children to be self-sufficient, yet always know they can count on me to be there for them. I think he's had his ass powdered all his life, and always gotten things his way, and I feel privileged to be the one giving him his rude awakening.

I don't know what a steady weed man is, but I'll take a guess, like someone who constantly smokes marijuana, ja?

No. It's someone who sells marijuana for profit.

And well, this all sounds like a romantic comedy movie, I can figure why he appeared to be such a lovely man to you.

He was pretty nice to me. I never thought of him as a "lovely man", I just thought of him as someone kind of enigmatic. Wasn't really out for a serious relationship at the time. Just someone to screw and smoke weed with, honestly. That's not something I expect you, or anyone else to approve, or think fondly of, but, oh! look at that... my give a fuck is broken. I'm a liberated woman, mehmet. Woot!

Well, I think that he must have blinded you, as you probably did not do the proper background search when getting involved with married men.
Even though they say that they're divorced, I mean.
Why did he come back, I wonder.

I googled his name. LOL I doubt a background search would have told me that his wife was really off taking care of her sick grandmother, and his family was turning a blind eye to his blatant unfaithfulness to her. So, he didn't go back, he's just a repulsive lying, cheating asshole.

Now he wants the custody of the child, eh?

No. He wants control, child support money, and to not have to pay child support.

I wonder how he convinced his other family to accept a child from another mother.

Don't know. Don't care.

Well, I think that you should try to control yourself in the future better, aleia.

Control myself how?

At the end, it comes to you whether to reject or allow is advances.

I would rather snuff out a lit candle with my vagina, than allow him to touch me.

I think if there is a blame on the background of this story, it's on both sides.

Ah yes, the difference being that I am willing to admit I've made some mistakes in the past.

For the custody of the child, well, you're not married, he seems to have a wife and other children aswell...So meaning, he conceived a child while he was married and had other kids. He shouldn't get much sympathy in front of the jury. He certainly got none from me in this regard.

I'm not married, thank fucking gravity. His wife left him a few months ago on the grounds of alcoholism and abuse. They have 2 children together, both are the same ages as my oldest two children. He isn't even allowed to see them. This isn't a jury trial. He deserves no mercy.

Well, his family and relatives and friends, yes, they're important, but I'm not sure how they're going to change court proceedings.

I hope they do come again. They're a raucous bunch, and they're not going to do anything but help me by acting like the uncivilized, JerrySpringer-esque bunch of shittards that they are.

[KichigaiNeko]

Congratulations Alei *Does the dance of JOy!!

What a fucking arsehole, delinquent dad!! Just as well you didn't get into a solid relationship with the douche

[kılıç_mehmet]

Yeah. Well, as usual, no one is helping me. My mother is a bitch who hung up with me as I was in the middle of telling her what happened in court because "her dog needed her". I hope to raise all my children to be self-sufficient, yet always know they can count on me to be there for them. I think he's had his ass powdered all his life, and always gotten things his way, and I feel privileged to be the one giving him his rude awakening.

Well, that is what family is there for. I wasn't spoiled, do not get me wrong, however we maintain very strong family ties, and no one is ever left out, and supported in terms of education and etc.
But I'm sure that he gave himself this rude awakening, right then when he challenged you for the child.
Like, okay, you had an affair with some other woman, and that woman became pregnant. Now, you went off and deserted that woman to live with herself for nine months, why come back?
I think he might be suffering from a case of manic depression or something.

No. It's someone who sells marijuana for profit.

Ah, he was your dealer, than?
Well, you picked the wrong person from the start, if you ask me. People with such dishonest and unlawful trades are generally not to be trusted in anything in any way.

He was pretty nice to me. I never thought of him as a "lovely man", I just thought of him as someone kind of enigmatic. Wasn't really out for a serious relationship at the time. Just someone to screw and smoke weed with, honestly. That's not something I expect you, or anyone else to approve, or think fondly of, but, oh! look at that... my give a fuck is broken. I'm a liberated woman, mehmet. Woot!

Well, maybe if you would have listened to the people who did not approve of your behavior, maybe you wouldn't have to go through all of this in the first place. Obviously, people need to listen to others from time to time. But you strike me as a somewhat lonely person, aleia. Maybe you did not have a friend to support, warn and tear you away from a person of his kind. Maybe you made the wrong choice in the people you wanted to get to know(although that certainly sounds more plausible to me).

I googled his name. LOL I doubt a background search would have told me that his wife was really off taking care of her sick grandmother, and his family was turning a blind eye to his blatant unfaithfulness to her. So, he didn't go back, he's just a repulsive lying, cheating asshole.

Well, regarding your post, I take back that statement, as you did not look for a serious relationship, according to your own words. So why really look into who he really is?
You couldn't have known him any better than you did back then.

No. He wants control, child support money, and to not have to pay child support.

Well, is he required to pay child support now? From what I gather, you weren't even married.

Don't know. Don't care.

Well, I don't know, and have trouble understanding it.

Control myself how?

I don't know, growing up, maybe.

I would rather snuff out a lit candle with my vagina, than allow him to touch me.

Well, I got lost in your words, but maybe you should have done it before.
But some people only learn things by painful experience, I suppose.

Ah yes, the difference being that I am willing to admit I've made some mistakes in the past.

Well, I think that the mistakes are on the part of your parents.
They surely did not raise you well enough to cope with the dangers of the outside world.

I'm not married, thank fucking gravity. His wife left him a few months ago on the grounds of alcoholism and abuse. They have 2 children together, both are the same ages as my oldest two children. He isn't even allowed to see them. This isn't a jury trial. He deserves no mercy.

Well, not really surprising, given his background as a drug dealer, who cheats on his wife.

I hope they do come again. They're a raucous bunch, and they're not going to do anything but help me by acting like the uncivilized, JerrySpringer-esque bunch of shittards that they are.

Well, people generally hook up with people of their likes.
He sounds off like a regular bydlo to me, and his family and friends are probably like him in that regard.

[thesummerqueen]

You crack me up, Mehmet.

[kılıç_mehmet]

You crack me up, Mehmet.

Did I say something funny?

---

But I know you aren't going to answer me anyways.

[thesummerqueen]

In an ironic way.

You're naive and sound like a stuffed shirt.

[Erinome]

Well, that is what family is there for. I wasn't spoiled, do not get me wrong, however we maintain very strong family ties, and no one is ever left out, and supported in terms of education and etc.
But I'm sure that he gave himself this rude awakening, right then when he challenged you for the child.

I've always been the only one to support anyone. I put both of my sisters through college, bought them cars, paid their rents, etc. I supported my mother for 2 years, financially, until she got back on her feet. I took care of my best friend/husband for the last 5 years of his life until he died in 2010, and since then, I have been taking care of his very sick partner like I promised I would. I've never gotten support from anyone, so down there, where you say I should grow up... yeah, fuck you, mehmet. I grew up a long ass time ago.

Like, okay, you had an affair with some other woman, and that woman became pregnant. Now, you went off and deserted that woman to live with herself for nine months, why come back?

He got subpoenaed back by the court, in other words, he got dragged back kicking and screaming.

I think he might be suffering from a case of manic depression or something.

He suffers from alcoholism, narcissism, and tiny prick syndrome. That much, I know.

Ah, he was your dealer, than?
Well, you picked the wrong person from the start, if you ask me. People with such dishonest and unlawful trades are generally not to be trusted in anything in any way.

He was the wrong person, yes, but for reasons having nothing to do with selling weed. It might be unfortunately unlawful to possess or sell marijuana, but it's not necessarily dishonest. For some people in this country, it's the only way they can make money, and since it's illegal it makes a black market. I have known some very honest, trustworthy pot dealers.

Well, maybe if you would have listened to the people who did not approve of your behavior, maybe you wouldn't have to go through all of this in the first place.

I'm a private person in real life. Nobody I know personally even knew he existed until I told them I was pregnant and who the father was.

Obviously, people need to listen to others from time to time. But you strike me as a somewhat lonely person, aleia. Maybe you did not have a friend to support, warn and tear you away from a person of his kind.

I wouldn't say I am lonely. I lost the person closest to me a couple years ago, but I liked him so much because he didn't meddle in my affairs. I don't have very many friends because I don't much care for people, in general. I pick a select few, and stick to them, and they are mostly people who aren't judgmental, or jealous.

Maybe you made the wrong choice in the people you wanted to get to know(although that certainly sounds more plausible to me).

I would say that I did, but I'm glad that I did because if I didn't I wouldn't have known the sunshine of my life, Lizzynoodledoodle.

Well, regarding your post, I take back that statement, as you did not look for a serious relationship, according to your own words. So why really look into who he really is?

I googled him to make sure he wasn't wanted for murder/rape, etc. It was a safety precaution.

Well, is he required to pay child support now? From what I gather, you weren't even married.

I pay him child support. If I had custody, he would have to pay me child support. It doesn't matter if we weren't married.

I don't know, growing up, maybe.

Refer to first statement.

Well, I got lost in your words, but maybe you should have done it before.
But some people only learn things by painful experience, I suppose.

What? Snuffed out a lit candle with my vagina? Who says I didn't? Furthermore, who says that wouldn't be enjoyable. I rather like pain. I've never done that, actually, but I do like having hot wax poured on my back.

Well, I think that the mistakes are on the part of your parents.
They surely did not raise you well enough to cope with the dangers of the outside world.

I raised myself, mehmet. I moved out on my own when I was 16, and haven't stopped working since. I've also been an exotic dancer for the last decade. Dangers of the outside world are something I've been familiar with for quite some time.

Well, people generally hook up with people of their likes.

I thought they say that opposites attract. I've rarely met many people I have anything in common with, and when I do, nine times out of ten they aren't from anywhere around here.

[thesummerqueen]

Life isn't a romantic movie, Mehmet, where you can tell who the villains and heroes are by their clothing or way of acting. "Evil" can lurk behind beautiful disguises and goodness shine through extremely rough containers.

No one knew my dad was abusing us, and we never told until we were away from there. He seemed every inch the upstanding lawyer, with no hint at his anger issues at home.

I find you hilarious because you form many judgments without completely understanding the culture or the individual. What happened to Alei and her daughter is more than unfortunate, but Alei is handling it exactly right.

[kılıç_mehmet]

In an ironic way.

You're naive and sound like a stuffed shirt.

You've never even heard my voice to state that I sound like a stuffed shirt of some sorts.
Besides, what makes you think that I'm naive?

I've always been the only one to support anyone. I put both of my sisters through college, bought them cars, paid their rents, etc. I supported my mother for 2 years, financially, until she got back on her feet. I took care of my best friend/husband for the last 5 years of his life until he died in 2010, and since then, I have been taking care of his very sick partner like I promised I would. I've never gotten support from anyone, so down there, where you say I should grow up... yeah, fuck you, mehmet. I grew up a long ass time ago.

Well, you probably haven't grown up in terms of personality. You still can't obviously think straight when you lay under a man that you know that is a drug dealing scumbag.
Besides, it's good to support people, however I'm sure that you also could
get a less turbulent life. But well, the collapse of a house starts from it's supports, and I think that the supports of your house have not been firmly laid. You yourself did not have a properly planned family, probably, and therefore needed to go through all of these to get things straight as they are.
Best you do not repeat their mistakes.

He got subpoenaed back by the court, in other words, he got dragged back kicking and screaming.

So it is you who brought him back?

He suffers from alcoholism, narcissism, and tiny prick syndrome. That much, I know.

But he did lay claim on the child first, by means of a court case. So why would he scream and moan if he were called back by the court anyways?

He was the wrong person, yes, but for reasons having nothing to do with selling weed. It might be unfortunately unlawful to possess or sell marijuana, but it's not necessarily dishonest. For some people in this country, it's the only way they can make money, and since it's illegal it makes a black market. I have known some very honest, trustworthy pot dealers.

Well, nothing honest can come out of an illegal deal. Personally, I think that whatever economic reasons drove these men to enter such a business also make them quite dishonest, and untrustworthy.
I think the reasons he sells marijuana are the same that are related with his alcoholism, his cheating, and his not being a great family men.
Economic distress, most probably.

I'm a private person in real life. Nobody I know personally even knew he existed until I told them I was pregnant and who the father was.

Well, the water jug gets broken on the waterway, aleia. I don't know what misfortune has befallen you or if you were just too careless with your birth control methods, but I'm sure that this whole ordeal might have been avoided by simply holding out on him for some time until you got to know him better.
It really isn't about this guy. It could be any other guy.
But I'm certain that you know yourself better than I do.

I wouldn't say I am lonely. I lost the person closest to me a couple years ago, but I liked him so much because he didn't meddle in my affairs. I don't have very many friends because I don't much care for people, in general. I pick a select few, and stick to them, and they are mostly people who aren't judgmental, or jealous.

Well, maybe you need friends that actually see your wrongdoings and stop you while you're at it.
In my world, a friend who sees the wrong of a friend and does not speak of it, is no friend at all. In fact, this is the way an enemy acts towards someone.

I would say that I did, but I'm glad that I did because if I didn't I wouldn't have known the sunshine of my life, Lizzynoodledoodle.

Well, that is another outcome.

I googled him to make sure he wasn't wanted for murder/rape, etc. It was a safety precaution.

I didn't know that you could get someone's criminal record on google.
Maybe you should just have looked for him on facebook.

I pay him child support. If I had custody, he would have to pay me child support. It doesn't matter if we weren't married.

You pay him child support? What kind of a man is he that agrees on getting child support from a woman?
He obviously has no pride either.

Refer to first statement.

Already did.

What? Snuffed out a lit candle with my vagina? Who says I didn't? Furthermore, who says that wouldn't be enjoyable. I rather like pain. I've never done that, actually, but I do like having hot wax poured on my back.

Once again, I got lost in your words, but I meant that you should have stayed away from him, or any other person before actually getting to know them better. You know, entering a relationship, going out for a few months, and then maybe allowing them to touch you.
Besides being a murderer or something, he could have had various STD's, which would have meant other problems for you.
Of course, I don't know you, but I think you have a rather child-like mind.
Like the child who doesn't know that the hot iron is hot, but learns when it burns his hands.

I raised myself, mehmet. I moved out on my own when I was 16, and haven't stopped working since. I've also been an exotic dancer for the last decade. Dangers of the outside world are something I've been familiar with for quite some time.

Well, I hope you make sure that your daughter doesn't have to work as a stripper and move out of your home at sweet sixteen. You only have to tell her the dangers of the outside world.
Not throw her into it like your mother did, perhaps.

I thought they say that opposites attract. I've rarely met many people I have anything in common with, and when I do, nine times out of ten they aren't from anywhere around here.

I didn't mean you. I meant him.

Life isn't a romantic movie, Mehmet, where you can tell who the villains and heroes are by their clothing or way of acting. "Evil" can lurk behind beautiful disguises and goodness shine through extremely rough containers.

I am well aware of these, they are mentioned many times in the proverbs of our ancestors. This is why I told aleia to actually weigh people's worth for some time before getting close to them.
Maybe she did, and I'm just assuming things, but from what I'm got of her posts, they weren't really well acquainted, and went to bed with eachother, where she either did not use protection, or where that protection failed.

No one knew my dad was abusing us, and we never told until we were away from there. He seemed every inch the upstanding lawyer, with no hint at his anger issues at home.

Well, he can't really tell others that he's beating you up, can he now?
Not if you don't tell them.

I find you hilarious because you form many judgments without completely understanding the culture or the individual. What happened to Alei and her daughter is more than unfortunate, but Alei is handling it exactly right.

And I wonder how much my culture is different from yours. Do I go by stereotypes? Or do I just assume that people are the same as here, as they're there?
I am certain that she's handling it the right way, but I'd say that I think that she should not have lived the way she did, in my opinion. But circumstances forced her, and she had to move out of her home at a young age and work as an exotic dancer, had a child from a guy she barely knew, which caused her trouble later. These are all things that I'd never want my children to do.
So I wonder what families do in your part of the world. Do they never actually try to keep their families together, as for the children not to fly away and sever bonds as she?
Or is it only a rare case, that I'm seeing here?

[thesummerqueen]

You've never even heard my voice to state that I sound like a stuffed shirt of some sorts.
Besides, what makes you think that I'm naive?

Your responses on this forum "sound" like both.

Well, you probably haven't grown up in terms of personality. You still can't obviously think straight when you lay under a man that you know that is a drug dealing scumbag. Besides, it's good to support people, however I'm sure that you also could get a less turbulent life. But well, the collapse of a house starts from it's supports, and I think that the supports of your house have not been firmly laid. You yourself did not have a properly planned family, probably, and therefore needed to go through all of these to get things straight as they are. Best you do not repeat their mistakes.

Demonstrating you do not know shit all about her, or her life. Not all drug dealers are personally scumbags, and not all honest workers are stellar individuals in their home lives. I'll let her refute her family issues.

But he did lay claim on the child first, by means of a court case. So why would he scream and moan if he were called back by the court anyways?

I rather suspect she expected him to act like an adult and pay for the child they both made together. He's only laying claim in order to not have to pay HER.

Well, nothing honest can come out of an illegal deal. Personally, I think that whatever economic reasons drove these men to enter such a business also make them quite dishonest, and untrustworthy.
I think the reasons he sells marijuana are the same that are related with his alcoholism, his cheating, and his not being a great family men.
Economic distress, most probably.

Doesn't follow. Lots of people sell weed because it's a drug that shouldn't be illegal. Doesn't make it right. It's also not related to alcoholism or his family problems.

Well, maybe you need friends that actually see your wrongdoings and stop you while you're at it.

She's a big girl who obviously takes care of her own 'mistakes'. She doesn't need people telling her how to live.

Maybe you should just have looked for him on facebook.

Because that's such an honest source of information?

You pay him child support? What kind of a man is he that agrees on getting child support from a woman?
He obviously has no pride either.

Your cultural bias coming into play.

Once again, I got lost in your words, but I meant that you should have stayed away from him, or any other person before actually getting to know them better. You know, entering a relationship, going out for a few months, and then maybe allowing them to touch you.
Besides being a murderer or something, he could have had various STD's, which would have meant other problems for you.
Of course, I don't know you, but I think you have a rather child-like mind.
Like the child who doesn't know that the hot iron is hot, but learns when it burns his hands.

Shit happens, even when you use contraceptives and wait months.

[quote='kılıç_mehmet' pid='249364' dateline='1331050882']
Maybe she did, and I'm just assuming things,

Stop making judgments of her character until you ask the appropriate questions to assuage your assumptions.


[quote='kılıç_mehmet' pid='249364' dateline='1331050882']
Well, he can't really tell others that he's beating you up, can he now?
Not if you don't tell them.

My point is that he didn't appear to be an abuser by any means. You're missing the point.

Or is it only a rare case, that I'm seeing here?

Families form and break apart for a variety of reasons. It's only people stuck on "traditional" values that turn it into a crisis.