Offensive Jokes

[Little lunch]

I heard Hitler killed himself after he received the gas bill.

[Thumpalumpacus]

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?

Americans can't milk a cow for 13 years.

[Little lunch]

Hey, that's not funny.
My uncle died piloting a plane into one of those buildings.

[polar bear]

Whats long, hard and full of seamen?

A submarine

[Cyberman]

What character in Doctor Who is mentally impaired?

The 'tard is.

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Yesterday I saw two lesbians sexually molest a young girl in the public swimming baths. I tried to help but I could only knock one out.

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Little Johnny's parents asked him what he wanted for his birthday. "I wanna watch!" he said - so they let him.

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My mum tricked me into having sex with her last night. She slept in my sister's bed.

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My niece told me she wants a scary costume for Hallowe'en. She's coming back from Africa tomorrow, so she's probably already got one.

[Thumpalumpacus]

Hey, that's not funny.
My uncle died piloting a plane into one of those buildings.

Pretty sure the last thing going through his mind before he died was the first-class section.

[The Valkyrie]

I was once told that women are genetically designed to do dishes.

Apparently we have bumps on the front to stop the water splashing up into our eyes . . .

[KUSA]

I was once told that women are genetically designed to do dishes.

Apparently we have bumps on the front to stop the water splashing up into our eyes . . .

And your feet are smaller so you can stand closer to the sink.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A newly married couple take a honeymoon cottage on the lake. Early in the morning, the owner - whose house is next door - sees the groom leave the house at dawn with his fishing gear and stand on the shore of the lake catching fish until dark. This goes on for several days, and one day the owner comes down to the young man and says, 'Look mate, this is none of my business really, but you're just married and you seem to spend and awful lot of time fishing. Aren't you at all interested in having sex with your new bride?'

'Naw, can't do that - she got gonorrhea.'

'Oh, rotten luck,' says the owner. 'But what about oral sex?'

'No, no chance. She's got pyorrhea as well.'

'Tough to be you then. I almost hate to suggest it, but have you considered anal sex?'

'Get away with yerself - she's got diarrhea and all.'

'You'll excuse me saying it, but what the HELL did you marry her for??'

'Because she's also got worms, and I LOVE to fish.'

Boru

[Cyberman]

Where's the best place in America to bury a dead prostitute?

Idaho.