RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
January 16, 2018 at 11:32 pm
(This post was last modified: January 16, 2018 at 11:40 pm by LadyForCamus.)
I haven’t caught up to recent comments yet, but I have to say, I read the full account earlier from Babe, and I’m even more solidified in my position than I was after reading only Tiz’s excerpts. I actually find the whole thing rather ridiculous TBH.
They made out. They undressed. They performed consensual oral sex on each other. For 30 minutes she endured kissing she did not like, and never spoke a word in protest. He made a move for intercourse and she asked him to slow down. He acknowledged her feelings. Yeah, he did ask her to continue engaging in oral sex with him, but, she had been giving (and receiving) exactly that moments before, so, is it so unreasonable for him to hope she’d be into more? In any case, she did it again, without a word of protest. Two blow jobs in one night, and we’re crucifying the guy for thinking he might still have a shot at sex? Finally, she works up nerve to say “I’m uncomfortable; I don’t think I want to have sex”, but, does she go home then? After she cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes? No. She goes to the couch with him. Talk about mixed messages.
How can we, as women, expect men to have a clear understanding of the difference between consent and non-consent, if we can’t be responsible enough to make that difference as clear as possible?
Was he tactless, and perhaps insensitive? By her account, I’d say yes. But, like any other autonomous, grown woman in her shoes should have done, she should have pulled up her big girl pants and communicated like an adult. Scooching in circles around the entire apartment and mumbling, for half an hour, during a make-out sesh. is not how a mature adult communicates. She even said herself, there was a possibility he simply wasn’t receiving her cues. What am I missing here?
You said it much better, and more concisely than I did. Thank you, dear. 😘
They made out. They undressed. They performed consensual oral sex on each other. For 30 minutes she endured kissing she did not like, and never spoke a word in protest. He made a move for intercourse and she asked him to slow down. He acknowledged her feelings. Yeah, he did ask her to continue engaging in oral sex with him, but, she had been giving (and receiving) exactly that moments before, so, is it so unreasonable for him to hope she’d be into more? In any case, she did it again, without a word of protest. Two blow jobs in one night, and we’re crucifying the guy for thinking he might still have a shot at sex? Finally, she works up nerve to say “I’m uncomfortable; I don’t think I want to have sex”, but, does she go home then? After she cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes? No. She goes to the couch with him. Talk about mixed messages.
How can we, as women, expect men to have a clear understanding of the difference between consent and non-consent, if we can’t be responsible enough to make that difference as clear as possible?
Was he tactless, and perhaps insensitive? By her account, I’d say yes. But, like any other autonomous, grown woman in her shoes should have done, she should have pulled up her big girl pants and communicated like an adult. Scooching in circles around the entire apartment and mumbling, for half an hour, during a make-out sesh. is not how a mature adult communicates. She even said herself, there was a possibility he simply wasn’t receiving her cues. What am I missing here?
(January 16, 2018 at 4:41 pm)J a c k Wrote: I don’t want sex, if it goes like this:
Person A: I want to have sex with you. Do you consent?
Person B: I consent. Where do I sign?
I want it to build up to the moment. Don’t want the sex? Say something. Refuse. Don’t give the dude oral sex and expect him to get the hint. Already did it and want to stop? Say it. Say you’re done. Make it clear. Women have a voice and we can use it. If we’re clear enough and they still push back, then there’s no doubt. It’s assault. If we go down this path, we’ll be needing consent forms. No, thanks.
I’m not blaming the girl, btw. I just fail to see how this dude is a predator.
You said it much better, and more concisely than I did. Thank you, dear. 😘
Nay_Sayer: “Nothing is impossible if you dream big enough, or in this case, nothing is impossible if you use a barrel of KY Jelly and a miniature horse.”
Wiser words were never spoken.
Wiser words were never spoken.
